UNCLE JOE'S RETREAT

Poor, old Uncle Joe could never find romance,

Joe became an expatriate, to South France,

All the day long,

He'd hum his song,

At night there was karaoke, before the dance.

THE FOUR DIMENSIONAL GAMBLING PROJEDT

I went to the moon, and fell down into a deep pit,

There I found an alien boxed, space-time, travel kit,

I traveled back to sports games

Bet some money on some names,

I won billions of dollars, now I'll rest for a bit.

LEAP YEAR INSANITY

We are having another Leap Year, and it's driving me insane,

All these Leap Year stress emotions, are doing flip flops with my brain,

Do I set my clocks ahead?

Should I set them back instead?

While driving down the road, should I be in the right or the left lane?

THE LAND OF FAIRIES AND LONG TONGUED FROGS

When I was young, I lived in the land of fairies,

We ate pumpkin seeds, and golden raspberries,

We avoided cats and dogs,

And all the longer tongued frogs,

I lived years in that world, where nothing varies.

THE PARANOIDAL UNIVERSE

There are two parallel universes; one paranoid, one that's not

I live in the paranoid one, where every action is a plot,

What fortunes I would gladly give,

If In the other I could live,

Maybe I can get over there, if I sneak and lie and scheme a lot.

TOO LATE FOR TEA WITH TUT, OH MY

I had a little time-ship, but the door got stuck tight shut,

I could not get outside to meet the king we know as Tut,

I used my brand new space crowbar,

But when I got the door ajar,

King Tut had been all mummified, along with his dog, Mutt.  

HUMAN REMAINS FOUND IN A GIANT SQUARTOL FOSSIL

Tony thought he was immortal,

Because he found a time-warp portal,

Tony traveled way, way back,

But, good coordinates, he did lack,

Tony ended up in the stomach of squartol. 🐿

Definition:  A squartol is an extinct 8 meter long prehistoric beast, resembling a squirrel, and known for consuming time travelers.

THE TWEEN

In a blinky of one big eye,

A thousand years go bye, bye, bye,

I feel just that old,

And look it, I'm told,

I just turned 12, and wonder why?

THE BETTER DAY LIMERICK

All my acquaintances and the sages always say,

Tomorrow will positively be a better day,

But in my logical bighead,

Tomorrow is closer to dead,

Thus, I should hope tomorrow stays far, far, far away.

MY FAMILY MAKES ME SO SICK I WON'T EAT

Jerry the rabbit is always picking his big nose,

He picks and he picks, until the red blood freely flows,

He does it at the dinner table,

It makes my appetite, disable,

And, my pet monkey Trish, eats the jams between her toes.

ME AND MICKEY DOWN BY THE SEASIDE

Me and Mickey were pals, and we always sat by the sea,

Watching the sunsets, dreaming of what the next day might be,

One day Mickey didn't show,

For mature, he did grow,

Now, Mickey spends all his sunsets, with his growing family.

BETWEEN BACON AND SOCIAL MEDIA, I CHOSE BACON EVERYTIME

I went to Twitter and I couldn't twit a tweet,

I felt really low, I felt deep defeat,

I did not get bitter,

Because they signed me off Twitter,

I can spend the time frying bacon to eat.

I CHURNED THROUGH SPACE AND TIME; NOW I'M IN JAIL, AGAIN

I went churning through space and time,

To find me the best limerick rhyme,

Didn't know why they'd care,

But police were everywhere,

Seems space-time churning is considered a crime.

THE WEATHER LIMERICK

In the mornings, it's been bone aching cold,

That makes me all grumpy, so I've been told,

But it does always warm,

Before a big lightning storm,

Then under the table, that's where I hold.

THE HOME INVADER IN MY BED

I laid my head down on the pillow on top of my bed,

But it was not a pillow, it was a possum instead,

It bit on my face,

Then ran from the place,

Leaving my white sheets, turning very wet and very red.

DINNER 2+ AND MOO

It might be enough for you,

But I like to eat dinner, two,

And most time I eat three,

The fourth, in front of TV,

Then I nightcap with warm milk from a moo. 

BENNY, BUGS, BEARS AND SNUGS

Benny don't like the woods cause it's full of biting bugs,

And there's lots of hairy bears that squeeze him with bear hugs,

Benny likes to stay inside,

From bugs and bears, he then can hide,

Then with his blue blanket, Benny caresses it and snugs.

THE BIG ROCK COMES FOR US

There's a great big rock that comes for us,

But, We cannot jump off our satellite bus,

Our forward road is so clear,

Our future time is quite dear,

We must enjoy life without fear or a fuss.