THE COLD-SHOCK-QUICKIE

When it gets really hot and really sticky,
All jump into the pool for a cold-shock-quickie,
But, going from hot, hot to cold, cold,
Should be only for the real bold,
For the rest will scream and become sickie.  

THE TURTLE FOOT FALSETTO

Billy had turtle feet,

He couldn't dance to a beat,

German opera he could sing,

A falsetto voice, he'd make ring,

Provided Billy had plenty to eat. 

THERE WAS A MONSTER FROM MARS

There was a monster named Lucky, from mars,
He liked fancy beer and fast cars,
When he was driving too fast,
His luck did not last,
Now, the monster sits behind prison bars.

WHY MY RESTAURANT FAILED

Donny the cook had bugs climb up his snout,
But, he didn't know that he could just blow them right out,
So he used his finger,
And left it to linger,
Which caused my customers to all walk out.  

BIG KEEPER FISH AND THE FUTURE

The big fish that are keepers,

Run in the waters that are deepers,

In the shallows you'll only find logs,

And, you'll catch two dollar frogs,

So, we are the reapers,

Of the cheap protein creepers,

So, tomorrow we eat our cats and our dogs.

THE PREENER

My buddy Birdie liked to preen,

Birdie was a preening machine,

No matter what the weather,

Every Birdie feather,

Was pecked free of lice, and then licked clean.

WHY ARE THE WITCHES IN THE WOODS?

Boil, boil my plum pudding,

A witch's brew when a coven's hooding,

A sacrifice in the woods,

A farmer's live goods,

On the lot the farm keeps for wooding,

Under a full moon but, when no stars light,

Dire times so, seems the service right,

The crops have failed,

Money lenders bailed,

Resources are dear and tight,

The coven calls back to the past,

To a dead religion who's honors last,

Before paradise gates,

With mansions, no hates,

But, harms fates resolve now, fast,

Desperate are the times that linger,

As freezing black then, lost each finger,

While starving pain,

Makes a focused brain,

Listening to a fallen singer.

  

  

BOXED CHICKEN

The chicken I ate came cut into many parts,

It was boxed and sold in one of those grocery marts,

I was so glad,

The chicken didn't taste so bad,

Just wished the box included liver, gizzards, hearts.

THE WIND CHILL IS NO FRIEND OF MINE

The wind chill is no friend of mine,

It's taken my pet rats since I was nine,

It's caused me to freeze and blister,

And, to rat out my older sister,

Because, she shoves me outdoors when I whine.

MY DEER DECISION

I decided not to go out and hunt any deer,
My blind didn't have cable and just one rabbit ear,
So, at home I watched cable,
And, dined on my coffee table,
While, drinking bottles and bottles of beer.

BROKE BEAK PENGUIN

My penguin Ben came home with a broke beak,

He had a big fight with his cousin named Zeek,

They fought over a dead fish,

Ben said came from his tin dish,

My penguin Ben said his coz was a sneak.

ITCHY RICHEY AND MY KITTY

I  had this fish, his name was Richie,

He complained that he was itchy,

The cat offered a claw,

Gave Ritchie a naw,

Now my Ritchie is really twitchy. 

TRY NOT TO SLEEP SO MUCH THIS YEAR

Try not to sleep so much this year,
For each hour you snore you're end draws near,
Better stay mostly awake,
All the awake you can take,
For at the end awake time is dear.  

THE BABOON ROMANTIC LIMERICK

Henry was a baboon,
He just loved most of all the new moon,
His girlfriend Nancy,
For Hank had a fancy,
They would sit in their tree and just spoon.