THE FOREST PRIMEVAL MONSTER

I went to the snow filled forest, Primeval, today,

To cut down some trees, to heat my cabin until May,

Used a sleigh, pulled by dogs,

To bring back all my logs,

A forest monster, followed me back to where I stay.

NO PEAS, WATER AND BARLEY FOR FARLEY

My newest, best friend, Giggles Farley, 

Many claimed, he liked to make parlay,

But, he wouldn't speak,

Wouldn't open his beak,

He missed getting pea soup with barley.

I'M A DICKENS CHRISTMAS CAROL, EVERY SINGLE YEAR

If I want a Christmas Dinner, I'll have to scrape it off the road,

Last year, all I scraped up for Christmas, was the thigh of one squished toad,

I cannot ever, quite understand,

Why every Christmas, I get canned,

Then I can't have heat, food or lights, and get kicked out of my abode.

RASPBERRIES IN HEAVEN

My overgrown, deep reddish, raspberry vine,

Dug its sticky prickers, deep into my spine,

They stuck me so deep,

They bled me to sleep,

I now pick berries with the angels, divine. 

DADDY SOLD MEDICAL SUPPLIES IV

We were so hungry, having absolutely no meat,

Daddy went looking for organs, to sell, or to eat,

Poor daddy worked on some guy,

When a police car passed by,

Now at the dinner table, is daddy's empty seat.

DADDY SELLS MEDICAL.SUPPLIES II

Daddy bought and sold things, like human lungs and human hearts,

There's a lot of old rich people needing many new parts,

There was an old man in Sydney,

He needed a fresh, new kidney,

Daddy won one from our neighbor, in a game of lawn jarts. 

RISE OF THE DREADED DEAD

As we summoned up the dead,

All the sky turned bloody red,

With our sacrifice, the demons were fed,

They drank the blood from the severed head,

Then from the graves the corpses were led,

To stalk the living and bring them dread,

While the living slumber in quiet bed,

Making pretty dreams, instead.

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THE TREE WHO KNEW TOO MUCH

Out in my backyard,

Stood a maple tree on guard,

Beneath it's tower,

Was my patio of power,

Where stories flowed from every bard,

My neighbors, relations and some I barely knew,

Would speak each's faults both false and true,

Conversations if in the public stew,

Many partakers would surely rue,

Then one day at my patio party,

The old maple tree started to talk,

Passing on such gossip,

I hoped that my guests would laugh and balk,

But, of all the loathsome stories,

That were tattle-tailed that day,

Was the one of my endless glories,

Regarding always having things my way,

Of course, my wife was there to hear,

The maples stories told to jeer,

My wife's behavior then took a steer,

And, she dumped down the drain my homemade beer,

Then, in her more anger there arose,

As she threw out all of my cloths,

And, she slapped off half my nose,

Then, stomped upon my twinkle toes,

I so surmised that this maple tree,

Really had it in for me,

So, I decided to act like a mid-evil Sax,

And, chopped down the tree with my double ax.  

SCUZZ NEEDS A JOB TWO

Sharp as a pencil that I was,

I'm a real hard worker with all I does,

But, I ain't been hired so what's the buzz?

I got no good grammar so, they calls me Scuzz,

Now, I can't read no good and barely write,

But, if we goes to the bar I can fight, 

I ain't got no teeth but, my jaw bone bite,

And, what a grip and I holds on tight,

Of course, I just really need a job,

'fore turns my muscles to belly blob,

I knowed now I should a stayed in school,

Alas, without much learning the world is cruel.

 

BONES UNDER STONES

I went out digging under a pile of stones,

And there I found some humanoid bones,

I was feeling kinda sad,

Something went stellar bad,

There was a long knife with brown, rusty tones,

I went back to my shack to swallow some beer,

To quell my shakes and pervert my fear,

There was a knock at the door,

It was that fella from the store,

He held a knife and I said, "oh dear",

He said he was a fulltime pickle diller, 

And a weekend serial killer,

Now I'm under the stones,

With those other old bones,

Giving worms a protein belly filler.

BANGING IN THE WOODS, A HUNTER'S TAIL

Went out to the woods to bang me a beast,

I sat downwind, where he'd smell me the least,

He snuck up tippy toe,

He was near, I didn't know,

Out of me the beast made a feast.

IT CAME TO THE FAIR

I was manning a fair booth way, way late at night,

I was all alone, there were no peoples in sight,

BAM!!! a great lightning strike,

And, the lights take a hike,

Then, in steps a werewolf and, he knew what to bite.