DOWN THE ROAD WITH CONSTIPATED JIMMY

Jimmy spooned down some hot chili chicory soup,

He added some fibre, to help Jimmy go poop,

Jimmy was driving on the road,

When his backend, did explode,

And his Batman underwear, would never recoup. 

LITTLE PETUNIA

Little Petunia grew by the sea,

Little Petunia popped flowers for me,

Then in the fall,

There were no flowers at all,

Little Petunia just ceased to be.

MY FINAL ARRANGEMENTS MAY BE STRANGE

I arranged my funeral at the taxidermy place,

They promised that they'd stuff me, and put glass eyes in my face,

They're going to sell me online,

Personal checks, they will decline,

I'm hoping that they'll frill me up, and dress me in purple lace.

I VOTE TO SNOOZE.

To see how the candidates rate,👀

I stayed up to watch them debate,🍺

But I got really tired,😴

And my wait time expired,🚽

A snooze was my debate night fate.💤💤💤💤💤💤

WHAT?

My favorite word in a sentence was the noun,

Now when I hear someone's noun, I just start to frown,

I now only like verbs,

They're like hot spicy herbs,

Or a purple frilly, oversized wedding gown.

FRIENDS ALWAYS FORGIVE

My mother's name is Repunzel, and she has the most beautiful, blond hair,

Sometimes she will let it down, and it will roll to the bottom of the stair,

She married my daddy, the prince,

They've lived happily, ever since,

Sometimes the wicked witch comes by, their relationship, she tries to repair.

THE PAN FLUTER

I took music lessons from Mr. Poot,

He taught me the drums, and the Pan flute,

I had a flute embouchure,

So I went on world tour,

I got famous playing toot, toot, toot.

THE HORRIBLE NAIL MAN

Because of my horrible neighbor, Pat,

My four car tires went completely flat,

He took a long, steely nail,

Gave each tire an impale,

Now I can't get my groceries, oh drat.

TRAMP FOOD AND DREAMS

I have animal blood and sugar, to flavor my potato, tonight,

I do not have any so called money, but I am still eating alright,

Soon, when my belly gets big,

 I will be fat, like a pig,

I'll have to unbutton my trousers, for they will not be snug, but tight.

THE TEN DEMANDMENTS, DOWN THE TOILET

I posted 10 Demandments for each hotel guest,

So I won't have to tell them, and become a pest,

The Demandment number one,

Flush the toilet when you're done,

That one most people fail, while keeping all the rest.

AN AMPHIBIAN STOLE MY WHEELS

My bicycle is rolling down the road,

It has been stolen by a long legged toad,

The toad's name is berry,

He smells kind of scary,

The deep sewer is his humble abode.