DREAMING AND DROOLING: FATTY MEATS

I went to Ohio, where really big farmers raise giant ears of field corn,

Corn makes farm animals fat and quit tasty, with tender meat that can be torn,

The greasy meat makes me drool,

That's a look I think is cool,

In restaurants, meat eaters grunt, belch and fart, while veggie eaters sit and scorn.

WHEN I SELL MY PIGS

I packed up the pigs, and I am taking them to the Kalkaska Slaughterhouse,

After I deliver my pigs, I'll buy nice things, like a banjo for the spouse,

In high school, she was a in a tin banjo band,

They were famous in Kalkaska County land,

I will buy the kids some soda pop, so when it is hot, their thirst they can douse.

FEED THE PIGS

I had to go feed my jittery pigs,

I feed them slop filled with butts from my cigs,

Those pigs will deep diggy,

For every ciggy,

I watch and smoke, and I chew on soft figs.

HARD RAIN AND BIG BERRY, JUICY MEATS

My old gravel road, got washed out by the water from the hard rain,

The good thing that came from the flood; my berries had a big juice gain,

My strawberries have nice meat,

They are juicy and real sweet,

Not sure how the neighbor's doing, with that confounded, sugar cane.

PRETTY ANGEL IN THE SCARECROW

I dreamt I was a pretty angel, standing in a field of corn,

When I awoke, I was a scarecrow, and with rags I was adorn,

I saw corn bent over, none were straight,

A coming storm, foretold my fate,

A spinning cloud roared through the cornfield, making this scarecrow, unborn.  

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THE COW, THE BULL AND KALAMAZOO

I drove on down to the old town, called Kalamazoo,

I bought at a bovine auction, a cow that goes, "moo",

I trained her to loudly sing,

About rainbows and gold bling,

She ran off with a bull, who wore a big brass nose ring.

HECTOR LOST HIS RIZZ

Hector lost his rizz, playing hide and seek with the chickens, cows and sheep,

People thought he had no bizz, being a creepy, farm animal creep,

Hector lost all of his charm, 

Lost his lady and his farm,

Hector searches around town, for a nice clean dumpster, where he can sleep.

THE MACAROON MOON

I went far off into space to find me a livable moon,

I wanted to move to a nice, warm moon, and move there real soon,

I found one that was pretty,

The moon was itty bitty,

My family all moved there, and baked two types of macaroon.

I STAND STRAIGHT UP, BUT DIZZY

I grow red potatoes on the side of a steep hill,

Most people can't quite stand up straight, but I have that skill,

I go hoe, hoe, hoe, hoe,

Then my potatoes grow,

Sometimes I get dizzy, until I take my heart pill.

FALL CORN ROAST WITH MEATS

We rurals  are celebrating the fall, by a mass roasting of corn,

Some want a pig, but I've been hungry for veal, since that new calf was born,

We roasted both farm creatures,

Allowed two main course features,

With ears of corn and two meats, every paper plate, was well adorned.

WILLOW WOOD IN THE RASPBERRIES

 There was a willow growing in my raspberries, and it was getting real big,

I went and sharpened my best shovel, and for the roots, I began to deep dig,

The tangled roots, I chopped out,

Filled the hole, and drank a stout,

I cut the whole tree into firewood, and next summer it will roast my pig.

PIGS IN A PICKLE

Farley was a chicken farmer, who was allergic to chicken meat,

So he would have to eat chicken eggs, if chicken he was to eat,

One day Farley ate some pork,

And new flavors he did uncork,

So Farley switched to raising pigs, and dined on their pickled feet.

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TOMATOES, THE BAD CROP

This years tomatoes, did not attain the size, big,

The foul taste was like an ancient, rotten, pine twig,

The plants were of bad seed,

I think bred from a weed,

Our labors been lost, the fruits aren't fit for a pig.

DRAGON POOF REVENGE

There was a fire breathing dragon, and he was acting like a goof,

The dragon, was dancing down the center of my big red barns, tin roof,

The neighbors got their varmint guns,

And, shot the dragon in his buns,

The pained dragon, blew his blazing breath, and all the farms around went, "Poof!"

HARD TIMES ON THE FRUIT FARM

My grapes have gone sour, and my berries have been defiled,

By some sort of a blue stink bug, that came out of the wild,

My fruit farm has gone funky,

I'm one unhappy monkey,

I have no sources of income, and my partner's with child.

WHERE THE OLD HEIFER WORKS

I new an old salty, heifer, many called her a cow,

If you called her a cow to her face, she gave you a pow,

It sounds screw lose, nutter bizarre,

But, she worked at a coffee bar,

Patrons fresh, squeezed their milk, which made the heifer a star.

A HOBO ATE MY HEIFER

I once owned a heifer, and her name was Jane,

She liked eating cow grass, out on the great plain,

She had, pretty, blond hair,

Won a prize, at State Fair,

She was ate by a hobo, he was insane.

I SCARE BIRDS, WITH MY CHERRY BOOM

Because my cherry trees are all blooming,

They will make fine cherries, I am assuming,

I'll have food to eat,

They will be a treat,

I'll guard them with my gun that goes booming.

HARD TIMES AND TURNIPS

I knew my finances were in trouble, when  I couldn't afford turnips, at the store,

When I can't afford to buy turnips, I know that I've become the poorest of poor,

So, I spade a piece of ground,

Planted turnip seeds, ten pound,

I will have so many turnips to hoard, my greedy, jealous neighbors, will make war.

MATILDA THE ROOSTER

My little rooster chicken, will never hunt,

His name is Matilda, and he is a runt,

He likes blackberry brandy,

And, hard cinnamon candy,

He can't hold his liquor; he pukes, to be blunt.