MATILDA THE ROOSTER

My little rooster chicken, will never hunt,

His name is Matilda, and he is a runt,

He likes blackberry brandy,

And, hard cinnamon candy,

He can't hold his liquor; he pukes, to be blunt.

THE ROAM OF MY IDIOT POEM

I drove to beach to pick up some fresh oysters, and maybe a few dozen fresh clams,

There were sheep in the road, so I did the beep, beep, but ran over a couple of rams,

The sheep herder was real mad,

I gave him cash, all I had,

The herder was excited; his pain unrequited, he tossed me off a cliff onto some rocks, and with one broken arm, I swams.

BLUE TOTE ORGANIC FERTILIZER

My dear neighbor, has a herd of fat goats,

He collects their poop in plastic, blue totes,

He makes many a big buck,

When his totes fill up a truck,

Then from the truck, they're transferred to big boats.

EVIL UNDER THE BARN

There's a crawlspace underneath the old, stone barn,

Something bad lives there, and if it gets you, Darn!

It has sharp, smelly claws,

Big toothed laden, huge jaws.

The old beast creeps over a bed of hot skarn.

MY PARTNER AND I CONQUERED SPACE, AND RAISED MOO

We once built a space rocket, it was shaped like a shoe,

Didn't look aerodynamic, but it fly, flown and flew,

We burned it straight to Mars,

Sold electronic cars,

Then we bought us a ranch, and raised those cows that go moo.  

DAY OF THE FARM

After the farm hay, I put away,🚜🌄

An October rainbow made my day,🌈

I picked my pumpkin patch,🎃

It was a record batch,💲

Some bugs ate my beans, I'll make them pay.🐛🐜😡

GENETICALLY MODIFIED BIG

Ned was a little watermelon super, special seed,

When his mama got broke open, Ned fell into the weed,

The very next spring, Ned sprouted,

His mama's son, no one doubted,

Ned grew three meters long, because his genes were changed for greed.

MY BEES FREEZE LIMERICK

I had some cute, pet honey bees,

They lived up in my apple trees,

No one really knows,

How my bees got froze,

They were found kneeling on their knees.

THE CORN EATING DRAGON

A dragon ate every ear of corn in each field,

That greatly reduced the gross domestic cornfield yield,

We sent him a kind letter,

Asked that he behave better,

It was to his better dragon angels, we appealed.

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PRETTY ANGEL IN THE SCARECROW

I dreamt I was a pretty angel, standing in a field of corn,

When I awoke, I was a scarecrow, and with rags I was adorn,

I saw corn bent over, none were straight,

A coming storm, foretold my fate,

A spinning cloud roared through the cornfield, making this scarecrow, unborn.  

WHY ARE MY PIGS SO SKINNY LIMERICK

Why are my pigs so skinny and so small?
Everyone else's pigs are so fat and so tall,
My pigs are food spoiled,
With soft eggs all boiled,

No garbage from food courts at a mall.

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EAT OR BE EATEN BY PIGS

Bill liked his pork chops, he ate them sit times a day,

Bill raised his own pigs, and saved money that way,

One day Bill's heart, it stoped,

Into the pig pen he dropped,

Bill's pigs ate Bill all up, that's what his neighbors say.

BARN OWL BEAU AND THE BANSHE

In Freeland, there once was a barn owl, named Beau,

In the hen house, Beau saw a banshee named Coe,

Coe had an egg thieving plot,

But the barn owl, thought not,

So Beau bit off a banshe nose and big toe.

APPLES FOR DEAR MEAT

Benny went out to pick apples, this day,

So the winter famine, Benny could keep away,

But, the apples were gone,

Ate by a doe and her fawn,

So, Benny chews on venison all day.

ELMER USED HIS STOOP

Crazy Elmer had no roof, to keep his chickens warm and cozy,

Then every time the winter came, his poor chickens all got frozey,

So Elmer took the wood from his stoop,

Then built a roof on his chicken coup,

His home was never quite the same, and he was left by his wife, Rosey.

A FEATHER IN MY PLEATHER AT THE FAIR

I went to the fair and won a beautiful prize,

It was a paper dolly with deep purple eyes,

I found a chicken feather,

Bought a cap made of pleather,

With the feather in my cap, I looked almost wise.

A TATER BUG LIMERICK OR TWO

The tater bug is quite the charmer,
Unless, you are a tater farmer,
Then you pickety pick,
Until you're tater bug sick,
Tater bug spotting is quite an alarmer.

Some eat tater bugs for lunch,
Or, they mash them up for cider punch,
But, I can conceive,
Of a tater bug heave,
And, when they come up they still have a crunch.

　

JIMMY THE SPUD

Jimmy was a belligerent spud; in the fields he became a dictato,

He promised spuds glory and land, by taking lands from the tomato,

The tomatoes rolled away,

And just like Jimmy say,

There was more land for the Klan of Potato. 

TOO HOT TO IGNORE MY POT

If only it wasn't so hot,

That I have to water my pot,

In my pot I grow greens,

That I mix with my beans,

And that's what I eat on, a lot.

POTTY WATTY THE BEAR

Potty Watty was a bear,

Potty Watty liked to share,

He shared his teeth,

With the rancher's beef,

And gave the herd of cows a scare.