ONLINE TUNA FISH AND HOMEMADE WINE

I ordered some tuna fish, online,

I opened the can and it smelled fine,

I ate it and drank homemade red wine,

I got gassy bubbles, a bad sign,

They buried me in a box; white pine.

 pine.

THE PERCH THAT BEGGED HAD NO LEGS

The big perch I caught last night, had a big yellow belly,

His lips, tight as wires, and he was awfully smelly,

The perch begged and said, "Please, Please, Please,

If I had legs, I'd be on my knees,

Let me go and your kindness, I'll broadcast like a telly."

Epilogue

Fish tastes so good with lemon, and a dusting of white pepper and sea salt.

A SQUARE MEAL FOR A FLY

I made a bread sandwich, included tomatoes and cheese,

I made a fruity desert, included honey from bees,

I made a coffee to drink,

Drank antacid that was pink,

I then left for the big airport for my flight overseas.

EATING OUT CHEAP

I went to a real cheap restaurant, and it was all you could eat,

You had to wash your own dishes, and wipe down your table and seat,

They served macaroni and rice,

Very stale white bread, a thin slice,

They had a white sausage gravy, but it smelled like my sister's feet.

SWATTER HOUSE FLIES

I found my old fly swatter, and swatted a million flies,

Their guts flew into all my food, and that was a surprise,

There were guts in the refried rice,

Guts on every pizza slice,

I didn't tell the kids, so they would enjoy their pizza pies.

MY CHICKEN LEG AND GEESE LIMERICK

I sat on a park bench, and did sup with the geese,

I chewed a leg of chicken, then threw them a piece,

The geese all honked and they  hooped

Then on the sidewalk, they pooped,

Oh, the wonders of nature, will they ever cease?

BROTHER BOB ON TURKEY DAY

Bobby used his right index finger to clean between his toes,

Then when he was done, he'd polish the nostrils of his nose,

Bobby did this when we ate,

Of course, Bobby never brought a date,

He did save some memories, by wiping his finger on his clothes.

WHAT DADDY MAKES IN THE BACKWOODS.

I had some fun juice that tasted so fine,

No after affect like banana wine,

I drank it for my dinner,

It earned title of winner,

I think daddy makes if from needles of pine.

THE BEST BUNS, STAKE AND CHEESE

I went to Salisbury to eat me some stake,

It's served between big buns, best that anyone can bake,

With sausage gravy and cheese,

For little me, it do please,

Then for desert I eat the whipped cream and pound cake.

UNCLE JAKE IS NUTS, BUT HE DIDN'T HURT ANYONE THIS CHRISTMAS

Christmas is all over, and I am giving Uncle Jake a golden star,

He did not try to run us over in his Lincoln Continental car,

I took away his baseball bat,

Replaced it with a tin foil hat,

And, I sent with him home, my homemade mincemeat in a jar.

THE BEAST RUINED OUR CHRISTMAS FEAST

I chopped some firewood to cook the beast,

It was the main course at our Christmas feast,

But the beast was not dead,

It bit off my head,

That was the scenario I planned for, the least.

I WON'T BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

I checked the long range forecast, and it does not look very fine,

I won't be home again for Christmas, and this makes it number nine,

I'll miss the spiral ham,

Glazed by grandma Bam,

And grandpa Bam is severely old, and his health in steep decline.

A FOGGY CHRISTMAS DAY + HAM

It was a very foggy Christmas Day,

I let the dog out in the snow to play,

He made a snowman,

Peed on my new van,

My ham turned out delicious, most say.🍖🐖

HILLBILLY CHRISTMAS DINING

I bought me a chicken, and had me a fry,

It tasted so good it put beams in my eye,

Then I had me some beans,

And fried mustard greens,

I got seeds in my dentures from raspberry pie.

CHICKEN FEET ARE BARELY BETTER THAN CHICKEN FINGERS

I had some chicken fingers but, I should have had chicken feet,

Then, when that bear came along he would not have had me to eat,

My feet were defiant like a crows,

My feet stood firm to oppose, 

So, like chicken fingers I became just another meat.

PP03092020

FROG, CHEESE,YUMMY

I had parmesan cheese frog in my roaster,

Thick garlic/onion bread in my wide toaster,

It's the bestest of dinners,

The best of the big winners,

And, I am normally not a big boaster.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, FROM ALL OF US TO ALL OF YOU🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃

Pa was supposed to cut the turkey, but he cut something else instead,

It smelled like the skunk out in the road, that laid there 3 days dead,

Ma sprayed air conditioner all around,

It got in the food, and made us frown,

Pa finally cut the turkey, and got his family fed.

ANOTHER HOLIDAY VISITOR

There was an evil raven in my house; he flew in through my door,

He started a conversation, that I decided, best to ignore,

Then he pecked upon my head,

I hit him hard, and he was dead,

So we ate raven for Thanksgiving, and he tasted like a s'more.

CHICKEN, GREASE AND BUNNIES

I bought some little chunks of chicken to deep fry in bacon grease,

That's what we'll have for Christmas, because my bird shot missed the geese, 

Although I'm in the habit,

Of eating Christmas rabbit,

The bunnies, this year looked so cute, that I left them all in peace.

WITHOUT FISH, THEY ATE CAKE FOR THE NOONER

Sam and Drake fished all morning, way out on the lake,

To catch enough sunfish for a nooner fish bake,

But noon came too early,

Making Sam, so surly,

They didn't catch any sunfish, so their nooner was cake.