THE DIM DAN EASTER BAN

My Easter, holiday,  dinner ham, came from a one pound can,

The only invite to my dinner, was my cousin, Dim Dan,

We had squash, buttercup,

Sweet potatoes, to sup,

Dan complained that I moved slow, so he got a permanent ban.

AT THE END I AM PILES

I fell off a cliff, and looked down at big, sharp, nasty stones,

I knew that soon upon them, I'd be bleaching my broke bones,

Then I saw a tiger,

A lion and a liger,

I knew I'd soon be in scat piles, with scat pile tones.

OUR DATE: ONLY TWO

I made some special, chicken fondue,

I only had enough, just for two,

But, you wanted more,

So, I tripped to the store,

When I got back, you had left, boohoo.  

CONSUMING CORN WITH FRIENDS

Four dudes, sitting by some flames at the beach, were eating sweet corn,

After fire toasting, they used butter and salt, to adorn,

It was corn stuck on cobs,

Drippings made all dudes slobs,

They went back to their town lives, where the next working day is born.

A TALE OF TWO TUNA TUBS

I bought two tubs of tuna, and found one stinky, rotten, yesterday,

I had left it in the basement, about 16 months ago, I'd say,

The other tuna tub,

Was used to make my sub,

I'm sure I made a massive tuna melt, and that's what I now convey.

SPIKEY SAM'S HAM, JUICE AND JAM😠

We once had a baby, and his name was Spikey Sam,

He liked to sip orange juice while he ate eggs and fried ham,

As egg prices went eagle high,

I could no longer make that buy,

Spikey Sam had to settle for fried ham, toast and jam.

GOOBERS AND JOE

My kids are eating couch found goobers, because I'm all out of doe,

I went outside to dig for taters, but the tates are in deep snow,

At the top of the hill

I did spy a roadkill,

I will not tell the next door neighbors, that we dined on their cat, Joe.

A FLYING FRY CAN PUT OUT AN EYE

The meal I made had become weaponized,

The kids were fighting each other with fries,

Surrounded by missile booms,

I sent all kids to their rooms,

I stand determined that nobody dies.

THE BAD SAUCE TOSS AND AFTERMATH.

I had some greasy fried chicken delivered to my door,

It was good, so I ordered greasy fried chicken, once more,

Raunchy, spoiled was that chicken sauce,

I gave the chicken the toilet toss,

Since then I have been hungry, but my puking guts are soar.

MACARONI TONY AND THE WISHBONE

Hi everyone, most people know me to be Tony,

On every Saturday, I make much macaroni,

It is a delicious dish,

I share with my girl,Trish,

On Sunday, we have turkey, then we split the wish-boney.

SOCIAL MEDIA, BEEF, KIDS AND MAGGOTS

I opened my refrigerator, and maggots were eating my beef roast,

J wondered how the maggots tasted, so I ate some on my buttered toast,

They were more crunchy than I thought,

They had flavors, I often sought,

I fried some maggots to feed the kids, their reactions I will upload, post.

WHAT THE SMARTEST HOMINIDS USE TO EAT

There was once an advanced hominid species, far smarter than man,

They only ate macaroni, and it had to come from a can,

After adding small chips of pine wood,

The macaroni smelled really good,

Then it was mixed with chicken fat, and fried in a cast iron pan.

BAD LUCK FOR THE PRETTY CHICKEN

For a chicken meal, I went out to a farm,

I bought a live chicken, intending it harm,

Her beautiful name was Grace,

I took her back to my place,

She fed my face; I guess she had some bad Karm.

I'M A HUNGRY HOMINID

I am a little hominid, and I need something to eat,

I burn a lot of calories, standing on my hind, two feet,

I love bacon and eggs,

Maybe, fried chicken legs,

I would also like a big, thick stake, carved from a cows backseat.

CHICKEN SPECIAL OF THE DAY🐔

I went to the grocery store to buy some breast cuts of chicken,

When I sorted through the cuts of chicken, my ticker did quicken,

The only chicken that I could afford,

Was in a sausage casing, poured,

When the kids ate the sausage, there was toileting, for the stricken.

A REINDEER FOR CHRISTMAS

All of my kids demanded a real, live pony for Christmas, this year,

Ponies have become way too pricey, so I bought a nice, sweet reindeer,

It's nice to pet; fur is soft as silk,

It's a girl, so the kids get milk,

When she dies, I'll roast her in the oven, marinated in root beer.

I'm An Unappreciated Baker, So Screw Them

I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe,

The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe,

That's the last pie,

Until I die,

Instead of feeding the family, I'll relax, and smoke my pipe.

CANDY CANE BELLY JUICE, AND PORCELAIN

Jimmy found a porcelain toilet, he could use on Christmas Eve,

Jimmy liked eating candy canes, but the canes would make him heave,

On this holiday,

Jimmy stayed with Aunt May,

Aunt May cooked our nice meal, so belly sick Jimmy, could not leave.

The Sunfish And My Eye

There was this little sunfish, I tried to deep fat fry,

Then a grease spatter popped, taking out my one good eye,

In my bad eye I see fizzy,

Many bubbles that are busy,

The ambulance picked me up, and I went bye, bye, bye.

FRESH FISH STEW FROM THE LAKE OF BLUE

The little creature floating in my stew,

I caught in the lake that was colored blue,

I bopped his head, so he would not come to,

If he did, this day he would come to rue,

He smelled like a fish, and tasted like poo.