I'm An Unappreciated Baker, So Screw Them

I made a pie full of strawberries, but the berries were not ripe,

The pie was extremely tangy, and everyone had to gripe,

That's the last pie,

Until I die,

Instead of feeding the family, I'll relax, and smoke my pipe.

CANDY CANE BELLY JUICE, AND PORCELAIN

Jimmy found a porcelain toilet, he could use on Christmas Eve,

Jimmy liked eating candy canes, but the canes would make him heave,

On this holiday,

Jimmy stayed with Aunt May,

Aunt May cooked our nice meal, so belly sick Jimmy, could not leave.

The Sunfish And My Eye

There was this little sunfish, I tried to deep fat fry,

Then a grease spatter popped, taking out my one good eye,

In my bad eye I see fizzy,

Many bubbles that are busy,

The ambulance picked me up, and I went bye, bye, bye.

FRESH FISH STEW FROM THE LAKE OF BLUE

The little creature floating in my stew,

I caught in the lake that was colored blue,

I bopped his head, so he would not come to,

If he did, this day he would come to rue,

He smelled like a fish, and tasted like poo.

HAPPY HALLOWEENY FROM THE TWO WITCHES AND ME

There is a witch, that's me,

I recruited two more to make three,

And, though we weren't quite a coven

We cooked townsfolk in our oven,

And

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steeped their sweet juices for tea.

PEASANT RECIPE FOR STEW, HAGIS AND SCONES, NOT

I once  knew a great big giant, and his name was Marvelous Mel,

He got all his stew meat from the peasants, he caught down in the dell,

He ground and ground their bones,

To make flaky, crisp scones,

He made haggis from their innards, his recipe, he wouldn't tell.

 

TIGER, TIGER, FATTY MEAT

I dream all day long of pickled pigs feet,

It's the only food for super I'll eat,

I chew on the thick pig fat,

Thinking I'm one tiger cat,

Gnawing from the bones the fat and the meat.

MEALING WITH TOM

Tom's black eyed peas tasted delicious with butter and salt,

Tom ate too much, so he puked, which caused his eating to halt,

Tom then gulped some tangy drink,

It was lemonade, made pink,

Tom thought through deserts he knew, and picked a chocolate malt.

MELON, MEAT AND CORN

I had a watermelon, and I cut the melon into three,

One piece for my dog Lindsey, and the other two pieces, for me,

Then I ate a spiral ham,

My dog Lindsey, just got spam,

Then I shared my last can of corn, and Lindsey was tail-wag happy.

STONE STEW, MY BLUE

The stew I ate was full of stones and dirt,

The stew caused me a real awful, bad hurt,

I cracked a dear tooth,

I had since my youth,

And broke my jaw, which I had since my birth.

The family wanted me to treat,

By paying for a burger-fries eat,

But they are full of vicious deceit,

They never can lift the toilet seat,

So no to treat of taters and meat.  

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I EAT PETS AND OTHER YUMMY THINGS

I'm eating the beagles, I'm eating the frogs, 

I'm eating the things that crawl under logs,

I ate the goldfish,

The kids named it Trish,

I even ate snakes where everyone jogs.

KITCHENING WITH JENNY

Jenny had many pans and Jenny had some pots,

Jenny had a toaster, and toasted lots and lots,

Jenny had a new, hot air fryer,

Fancy cookware? she was a buyer,

When Jenny has food leftover, it sits and rots.

MABEL, HUBBY AND BEANS IN THE TEENS

Mabel the cook, makes baked, delicious, pork beans

She feeds them to her four kids, the in-be-tweens,

Hubby will eat pie,

The beans he won't try,

Hubby says beans bloat him up, into fat jeans.

COUNTRY KIDS DO THE DARNDEST THINGS

I went to the dead critter store, and bought me fresh ground beef,

I took it home to my young'uns for their famine relief,

But the kids did not care,

They were eating a bear,

They had scraped bear meat off the street, it was roadkill, good grief.

ACCIDENTAL FOOD SUPPLY

Jimmy fell off the roof and broke all of his nice toes,

Jimmy cut each one of them off, now new ones he grows,

It is especially neat,

He grows new toes on his feet,

Jim now has winter meat, because the old toes he froze.

SHARKS IN LAKE MICHIGAN

I went out on Lake Michigan and got bit by a shark,

I did not feel any pain, then it suddenly went dark,

I woke up in the sharks belly,

Being made into poop jelly,

Far off in the distance, I heard my pet doggy, bark, bark...

TRAMP FOOD AND DREAMS

I have animal blood and sugar, to flavor my potato, tonight,

I do not have any so called money, but I am still eating alright,

Soon, when my belly gets big,

 I will be fat, like a pig,

I'll have to unbutton my trousers, for they will not be snug, but tight.

BILLY WEARS A POMPADOUR

Billy wears a pompadour wig, upon his big bald head,

It's his favorite wig to wear, and its died a red, red,

His hair is real poofy,

His mind, very goofy,

Billy bakes the best potty pies, and keeps the family fed.

I THINK WE CELEBRATED WITH SAM

I use to have a pony, and his name was Sam,

One day Sam disappeared; the day ma fixed a ham,

It was one glorious beast,

The ham was our Christmas feast,

We all got bloated guts, especially, aunt Pam.