IF I WERE AN AI

If I were an AI, I'd be an intelligent Leigh,

I would never say, "booger", because vulgar, that would be,

I would not make screeching, animal calls,

Accuse people of farting in the halls,

I'd be a nice AI chap; a better version of me.

ODE TO POVERTY TIMES 2026

I can't afford to pay for housing, food or gas,

I applied for benefits; the gov. took a pass,

My family lives on the street,

The kids have nothing left to eat,

Except, the kids eat the bugs they find in the grass.

THE ABRUPT TURN IN TOLEDO

The people who live in Toledo,

Run around wearing a tight Speedo,

If they turn abruptly about,

Something real ugly might fall out,

And, their rights, the cops will then reado.

I'M A GENIUS ROCKETNEER (ROCKET ENGINEER)

If I have one more Mars targeted, spaceship crash, I'm just going to the moon,

I'm glad deep pockets cover the rocket crashes, or I'd be going broke, soon,

We cannot get our rockets into the air,

My, oh my, it is a personal despair,

The moon is an easier place to go;  we'll go there in a hot air balloon.

THE BOOM OF DOOM FILLED THE ROOM IN

Trina joined the Space Cadets, along with her bestest, old friend, Ben,

Trina had a crush on Ben, and was sure old Benny was a ten,

But, when in the crowded locker room,

Benny's backside made a stinky, "Boom!"

Trina ditched her feelings for Ben, and moved on to Corporal Glen.

WHICH COSTS MORE, HOME DELIVERY OR A TRIP TO THE STORE?

I ordered noodles online, they will be here today,

I used 13 credit cards, that's how I had to pay,

I'd buy noodles at the store,

But, that would cost even more,

I'd need to buy gas, and gas prices have run away.

LEIGH AND LEO: CATS GROW UP SO FAST

Leigh and Leo begot a tiny baby girl; it was a little kitty cat,

The boys named the beautiful, sweet creature Pearl, because Leo's mother's name was that,

Pearl learned to play the tin banjo real well,

Taught by Rumpelstiltskin, the troll from the dell,

Pearl went on tour with a girl banjo band; Leigh and Leo got lonely and fat 

BAD BILLY CLARK, THE SHARK

I rode my new dirt bike out into the sea,

Then, it stopped running , when I needed to flee,

For along came a big shark,

Locals called him Billy Clark,

Billy Clark took off my left leg at the knee.

LEIGH AND LEO IN BUSINESS

Leigh and Leo made doilies, and sold them across the land,

They sold doilies to trolls and wizards, and to every marching band,

Leigh and Leo distributed to stores,

That started the doily wars,

And, Leigh and Leo doilies was the doily that was in demand.

DEAD PET MEMORIES OR GHOSTS

I had goldfish; I had guppies,

I had parrots; I had puppies, 

Most are long, very dead,

They are ghosts in my head,

I see a shrink for some uppies.

LEIGH AND LEO RODE THEIR UNICORNS BACK HOME

Leigh and Leo, each bought a handsome, beautiful, magic unicorn,

They rode their gorgeous winged animals, back to the town where they were born,

The boys mom's and dads were all dead, from the drink,

The townfolk were dying, from chemical stink,

The boys took flowers to the cemetery, so graves they could adorn.

THE EYEBALL AND THE BIGLY BEE

I bought some berries from a vendor, along the road,

I sampled a couple, then I took the rest to my abode,

Out of one berry came a bigly bee, 

It stung my eyeball, so I could not see,

I still had an eye left, so I blinked for help in morse code.

LEIGH AND LEO GREW LITTLE HORN CORN

Leigh and Leo had a garden in their little backyard,

They raised seedy strawberries, and very sickly Swiss chard,

They planted thirteen rows of corn,

Each stock grew a tiny ear horn,

Leigh and Leo found out gardening was iffy and hard.

MARS: NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP, FOREVER

I and my family took off to live on the great planet, Mars,

We were promised A1 factory jobs, building electric cars,

But, nothing is here, 

Just a bad atmosphere,

We came to claim a planet, but only oblivion is ours.16

WHEN I SELL MY PIGS

I packed up the pigs, and I am taking them to the Kalkaska Slaughterhouse,

After I deliver my pigs, I'll buy nice things, like a banjo for the spouse,

In high school, she was a in a tin banjo band,

They were famous in Kalkaska County land,

I will buy the kids some soda pop, so when it is hot, their thirst they can douse.