THE LIMERICKS OF LYNN ( THE WALRUS)

Lynn was a walrus with an average weight,
But, she thought that her pounds gave her no chance to date,
So, she would not eat a thing,
From winter till spring,
But, thin and skinny to a male walrus don’t rate.

There once was a walrus named Lynn,
She couldn’t fit through her door when open,
So, she stuck dynamite,
By her belly so tight,
Now, she’s missed by her kith and her kin.

LITTLE WARNER WORKED A STREET CORNER

Little Skinny Warner,
Worked a street corner,
Selling chili with beans,

Little Skinny Warner,
Faked the accent of a foreigner,
To attract those customers with means,

Great Big Warner,
Worked a successful street coroner,
So successful that he burst out of his jeans.
 

ODE TO THE FLY

Out on the sofa, I thought I'd take a lie,

But I was bitten by a hungry, biting little fly,

He bit me on my nose, and took a tinkle on my tie,

He buzzed around my toes, and then he waved, goodbye,

So forever I'll be traumatised, until the day I die.

DISASTER, A MICHIGAN STORY

I about had a heart attack,

When the wind blew down my little shack,

It's the past, I won't look back

Lots of firewood to stack,

I'll winter warm, though walls I'll lack.

MY TRAVELS IN SPACE

Because my spaceship traveled slow,

There was no planet I could go,

I hailed a starship for a tow,

I had some money, they wanted mo,

I've found space travel for me, yields woe.

DEMONS ARE SOMETIMES JUST MISUNDERSTOOD, AND VIOLENT

There was a little demon, who stole all of my dry goods,

I caught him making pancakes, way out yonder near the woods,

I demanded he give my dry goods back,

Instead he burnt down my barn and shack,

Of course demons can be violent, which I misunderstoods.

THE LITTLE DEMON DINNER PARTY

I went and found a demon, eating his dinner out in the wood,

He was chomping on someone's arms and legs, while smacking his lips real good,

He asked me if I'd sit down and sup,

I said, "no thanks", before I threw up,

The demon replied, " more for me", as I turned back towards my neighborhood.

BAD DAY WITH SALTY YOLK

I had me some eggs with runny yolk,

Washed them down with Diet Coke,

Ate 2 lbs of salt, had a stroke,

My driver's license got a revoke,

Ran a light, and garbage pail I broke.

SAMMY WORKED ON TEETH, RIP

Sammy use to work on teeth,

Until he married his best friend, Keith,

They honeymoon-snorkeled a coral reef,

While snacking on a can of beef,

Till a great white shark hauled them beneath.

BAD TOOTH DECAY

Sammy had bad tooth decay,

Sammy chewed nuts, anyway,

When Sammy's. tooth fell out,

Sammy gave a pain shout,

At least, a dentist Sammy didn't to pay.

MY RENT IS DUE ON THE 10TH LIMERICK

Every month on the 10th,
That’s when I must pay the rent,
Today it is due,
But, my paycheck it flew,
So, tomorrow I’ll be out in a tent.

MARTY THE NAUGHTY FLY

Marty was a naughty fly,
He liked to sit on dog poo,
Then he’d fly upon my hair,
After a fresh shampoo,

I tried to swat old Marty,
I just hit my ear,
Then Marty smiled and dove in,
My fresh poured ginger beer.

THE FISH PHILOSOPHY

Ernie the minnow lived in the weeds,
Swimming and eating were his only needs,
He swam to and fro,
With no real place to go,
Doing nothing was the best of his deeds.

COYOTES ARE AFTER MY PIZZA

The coyotes are out on the street,

They want my pizza to eat,

They got the pizza guy,

But from his hands they can't pry,

Sigh, my pizza has extra cheese and triple meat.

A GREEN FROG NAMED TOOTIE Limericks

Tootie is a big green frog,
She eats pizza like a hog,
She tops it with flies ,
With a side of fries,
She's heavy and sinks like a log.

There was a green frog named Tootie,
She thought eating was her duty,
She ate pastries and flies,
Hamburgers and French fries,
She was ate by a snake named Hootie.

Tootie was a frog that lived outside,
She didn't clean up or take any pride,
She was covered with mud,
Toads called her a dud,
She would not change instead, she would hide.

I WENT VACATIONING IN MICHIGAN'S UPPER P. LIMERICK

I went vacationing in Michigan’s Upper P.
I bought great souvenirs and drank wild raspberry tea,
I went panning for gold,
What I found I then sold,
I then picked up green stones by Superior Sea.

MY LIZARD SCISSORED AND GOT AWAY

In the middle of a blizzard,

I went out to walk my lizard,

On my leg he took a wizard,

So I tried grabbing him by the gizzard,

Then into the woods he scissored.

That's how he got away.😭

THE CHICKENED REALLY GOOD-LIMERICK

I had some chickened noodles, chickened really good,

They tasted like fresh chicken, like chickened noodles always should,

Then I ate a roadkill stew,

Tasted skunky, pew,

Then I drank pine needle tea, and it tasted just like wood.

A BIG HAIRY BIGFOOT HAD ENTERED MY HOUSE

A big hairy Bigfoot had entered my house,
By the racket, I knew it wasn't a mouse,
But when it shaved in the shower,
And sang with such power,
I knew the Bigfoot was only my spouse. 

BARNABAS MAKES HIS OWN BEER

Barnabas makes his own beer,
With water he gets off the pier,
Now the beer is real malty,
But so terribly salty,
High blood pressure you might want to fear.

TO BUY OR RENT MY CAMPING GEAR

I did not know if I should rent,

My camping gear, my boat, my tent,

Finally, everything I bought,

Even my fish was not caught,

I love fish with that store bought clean scent.