ENDOMORPH

APPLES FOR DEAR MEAT

Benny went out to pick apples, this day,

So the winter famine, Benny could keep away,

But, the apples were gone,

Ate by a doe and her fawn,

So, Benny chews on venison all day.

BELL'S WISHING WELL TO HELL

I knew a pretty, young witch named, Wanda Bell,

She wished up demons from her deep wishing well,

One gave pa a pox,

Caused ma to detox,

I took one of Bell's demons to show and tell.

THE CARP EYE ON PAUL

There was a salmon named Paul,

He liked to jump the waterfall,

Salmon girlfriends, he had many,

But, caught the eye of the carp, Jenny,

And, Jenny was no salmon at all.

LIFE ROUNDED BY TOOTHPASTE

I have toothpaste after breakfast then, more toothpaste after lunch,

I have my last toothpaste, before I do the pillow punch,

I live life around toothpaste,

Some say that's a great waste,

But, I chew my steak much easier; just a hunch. 

SPEED KILLED THE SNOWMAN

I ran over a snowman going too fast on my snowmobile,

I was sentenced to 1,000 snow days with no possible appeal,

So, I stayed home 1,000 days,

Watching television plays,

I also wrote a letter saying how ashamed I feel.

I BOUGHT SOME STOCK LIMERICKS

I bought some stock and hoped for a pop,
But, I watched the stock price drop, drop, drop,
How could anyone know?
How low it would go,
At least at zero the price fall did stop.

I bought a stock and the price went violently down,
I ended up with a penny though I started with a crown,
The losses were so bleak.
When it is profit that I seek,
I lost my crib and will have to leave town.

I invested in stock and boy was I wrong,
Now I sit on a corner begging food for a song,
The market is bad,
It made me feel really sad,
I should have sold short but, instead I went long.

THE THREE SIBLINGS WERE UP TO NO GOOD

The three siblings told their ma, they were off to pick flowers,

It was just a lie, so the siblings could slip away for hours,

They went dolly shopping that day,

They each bought a Barbie, for play,

They could afford only one Ken doll, so he got bestowed super powers.

I'LL MAKE MY KIDS SO STUPID, THEY'LL TURNOUT JUST LIKE ME

My kids didn't respect me, because their learning went too far,

So, I banned them from the internet, and bought them a VCR,

All their books I had to burn,

Keeping them stupid, is my greatest concern,

Now they'll become just like me, and trade info at the bar.

FLIES IN THE PIE SAFE

My pie safe was filled up with pies,
And, the pies were covered with flies,
Although my deserts looked like doom,
Guests filled my dining room,
So, for desert I substituted French fries.

 

THERE WERE THREE LITTLE MICE ALL NAMED PERCY

There were three little mice all named Percy,
They attacked a nutty cheese ball without mercy,
When the cheese ball made them sick,
Then, they realized real quick,
That they'd need someone to drive them in a hearsey.

MY FAMILY MAKES ME SO SICK I WON'T EAT

Jerry the rabbit is always picking his big nose,

He picks and he picks, until the red blood freely flows,

He does it at the dinner table,

It makes my appetite, disable,

And, my pet monkey Trish, eats the jams between her toes.

CRANKY THE BIG BOSS, GOT CRANKED

Cranky liked bragging about all the vast riches he had,

He liked running his workers down, to make them feel real sad,

Hurting worker feelings was his sport,

Especially, since they didn't dare retort,

Then one day no one came to work, and Cranky got real mad.

I'LL GO BACK TO SCHOOL WEARING SATIN

I went shopping, but, I got ever, so boardy, board,

Dollar store tea cozies, is all I can affordy, afford,

I saw a nice satin jacket,

But, my finances won't hack it,

Unless, I get a mommy loan, working out an accord.

I WITCHY CURSED WITH MY SPELLS

I was learning to cast black witchy spells,

Along came these anti-speller do wells,

They tethered me to a tree,

To burn the witch out of me,

Through the flames, an awesome curse, I done yells.

GEORGE BUILT A TEMPLE

George built a small temple, to worship a big tree,

It was built out of the wood, called mahogany,

George worshipped a white pine,

It had needles, real fine,

George boiled the needles to make vitamin tea.

DADDY, MOMMY, US KIDS, AND PEE

Mommy got two strips of bacon, but daddy got four,

Us kids, only got oatmeal, then shoved out the door,

Us kids are aware,

Society is unfair,

I have to sleep with brother Jim, and he pee and he snore.

THE UGLY BUG

Miller is a real big ugly bug,
Who wants to see his ugly mug?
It is no surprise,
Miller has bug eyes,
When a larvae, he slimmed like a slug.

IGNORANCE ISN'T JUST BLISS, IT'S THE LAW

At our schools, we got rid of all of the books,

We know all smart people are nothing, but crooks,

We replaced all the teachers, 

With porn stars with fit features,

We're teaching, the only thing that counts are good looks.

TO KEEP MY KIDS FROM LEARNING, I DID A BOOK BURNING

I burned the books in my house, and what did I get?

Three sons in the jail, and they each have a dimwit,

They turned out, not to be bright,

Can barely read, and can't write,

And, their mathematics skills, ain't worth a plum spit.

MY HARVEST SACRIFICE 2023

I went out under the full moon named Harvey,

There was a good crop of maze, so no one would starvey,

I took an old tire,

Made a fire pyre,

And, sacrificed my doll house, and my Barbie.

A RECKONING FOR THE PIGS

The pigs chased all the hens out of the chicken coup,

The pigs ate all the eggs, then made chicken nest soup,

The poor chickens were really sad,

Because the pigs behaved so bad,

So the farmer short chained the pigs, to his back stoop.

THREE PIGS IN A PICKLE

A giant pickle laid on the ground,
Worms hollowed it out but, the walls were still sound,
Then, three little pigs,
Made the pickle their digs,
With rent being two pence and one pound.  

VEGETARIANISM SCHISM.

Some plants grow very high, some plants grow very low,

Some plants have cute fruits, some have fat tubers below,

Some plants make you sick,

And, they'll ghost you real quick,

I'd rather eat burgers, and chop plants with my hoe.

BENNY AND THE SALMON RUN

Benny was waiting, with his bow, arrows and quiver,

As the mighty king salmon, went running up river,

Benny took an easy shot,

At a big salmon, half-rot,

Shooting dead fish, made meals easier to deliver.