TRINA AND THE WHOPPER WOOLY

Trina got some brand new, pink shoes that fit her tiny, little feet,

Mom packed Trina a sack lunch, so she could stuff her small face and eat,

Trina had a bully,

Her name, Whopper Wooly,

Trina gave Wooly her lunch each day,  to avoid a whopper, beat.

I'M THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME, FISHES

Tammy let everyone know that she was a G.O.A.T

The greatest of all time, at sailing a sailing boat,

Her jealous brother, Doug,

Pulled her big, sailboat plug,

Tammy sank down to Poseidon, and that's all she wrote.

THE WE WALLOP WINKY

I would very often get a wallop, alongside my head,

It's the Winky family language, no words are ever said,

All is quiet as a cold, dead mouse,

In my Grandma Winky's little house,

It is where we're born, and we live, and wallop, until we're dead.

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ART, I'M NOT LOCKED IN

I took some local art classes, and what did I find?

The other students were critics, and they were unkind,

I complained to the teacher,

She was a mean creature,

She said that my artwork, smelled like her dead cows behind.

THE CASE OF THE STOLEN CHRISTMAS CHOPS

Mommy made Santa fine pork chops, for the Eve before Christmas day,

I thought fat Santa didn't need pork chops, so I stole them all away,

I ate purloined chops all night long,

I realized next morn, I'd done wrong,

Fat Santa had left me nothing, when he visited with his sleigh.

MOOSE THE GOOSE MADE CLYDE HIDE

I had a hound dog, my pa named him Clyde,

Clyde took off running from the farm, to hide,

Clyde tangled with Moose,

Our goose that got loose,

Moose bit Clyde on his back, bottom and side.

I'M THE BRAIN BLOCKER: IGNORANCE RULES🤘

Ignorance is what I practice, every single day,

Ignorance is my happy place, and that's the place I stay,

For those who are smarty,

I'll ruin your party,

If you push smarty ideas, I'll be there in your way.

THE GEEK WHO WENT TO CREEK

In the Michigan city, called Battle Creek,

I went to a thrift store and bought an antique,

A cute porcelain bear,

With ginger colored hair,

When I took it home, my kids called me a geek.

MEAN JIMMY AND THE HACKEY SACK

Darren had a hackey sack, that he kicked around all day,

Then along came Jimmy, who kicked the hackey sack away,

Because of Jimmy's bad,

Darren big eyes went sad,

Jimmy went and retrieved the sack, and bag toss they did play.

The family wanted me to treat,

By paying for a burger-fries eat,

But they are full of vicious deceit,

They never can lift the toilet seat,

So no to treat of taters and meat.  

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THE BIGGER THEY ARE

The bigger they are, the more they have gall,

Those wide, and heavy, and overly tall,

My arm cannot reach,

To touch them, to teach,

One slap from them, and I'm flat on the wall.

SOMEONE GOT IN A SCRAPE AT THE BAR

I went to the to The Two Bird Bar,

Somebody keyed my new sporty car,

When I came outside,

I cried and I cried,

The mean patrons went hardy, har, har.

THE HORRIBLE NAIL MAN

Because of my horrible neighbor, Pat,

My four car tires went completely flat,

He took a long, steely nail,

Gave each tire an impale,

Now I can't get my groceries, oh drat.

THE GOOD NEIGHBOR (NOT)

I bought four used tires for my Chevy pickup truck,

My neighbor had a nail gun, so I was out of luck,

The neighbor punctured each tire,

Set my whole pickup on fire,

I sued him in court, but did not get a single buck.

THE CARNIVAL BEAR

I went to the carnival and the carnies were there,

They were all really nice, except their pet bear, 

The bear had little charm,

He bit off my right arm,

But, I look good with a prosthesis, so I don't really care.

GERTY GETS DIRTY AND DIGS HER HOLES

My dog Gerty likes to dig a big hole,

Hunting for the vicious, underground mole,

She plays at catch and release,

Leaves the dirt diggers in peace,

Gerty gets dirty, but has a good soul.

A CANDY BASKET FIT FOR KINGS AND QUEENS

I got a basket full of chocolate eggs, marshmallow peeps and jelly beans,

I've never seen so much candy, it was like a basket for kings and queens,

It came from a nice bunny,

I think his name was Sonny,

He was wearing big bib overhauls, because he was way too fat for jeans.

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SNAPPING TURTLES WENT FOR MY TOES

I went swimming with the turtles, and what did I find?

Turtles like to snap toes off, which left me in a bind,

I would have drowned that day,

But a whale came my way,

The whale swam me to my home, because that whale was kind.

PIT AND THE GIT

Donny was a really mean, awful git,

Donny had a big bulldog, he called Pit,

Donny teased him with meat, 

But wouldn't let poor Pit eat,

Pit bit off Donny's buns, now he can't sit.

THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS II

My parrot would fly, and knock over ma's high priced lamps,

Parrot scratched cousin Paul, and bit the ear off poor gramps,

What a criminal mind,

Common with his winged kind,

I chased Parrot out the door, he can go live with tramps.