MOOSE THE GOOSE MADE CLYDE HIDE

I had a hound dog, my pa named him Clyde,

Clyde took off running from the farm, to hide,

Clyde tangled with Moose,

Our goose that got loose,

Moose bit Clyde on his back, bottom and side.

I'M THE BRAIN BLOCKER: IGNORANCE RULES🤘

Ignorance is what I practice, every single day,

Ignorance is my happy place, and that's the place I stay,

For those who are smarty,

I'll ruin your party,

If you push smarty ideas, I'll be there in your way.

THE GEEK WHO WENT TO CREEK

In the Michigan city, called Battle Creek,

I went to a thrift store and bought an antique,

A cute porcelain bear,

With ginger colored hair,

When I took it home, my kids called me a geek.

MEAN JIMMY AND THE HACKEY SACK

Darren had a hackey sack, that he kicked around all day,

Then along came Jimmy, who kicked the hackey sack away,

Because of Jimmy's bad,

Darren big eyes went sad,

Jimmy went and retrieved the sack, and bag toss they did play.

The family wanted me to treat,

By paying for a burger-fries eat,

But they are full of vicious deceit,

They never can lift the toilet seat,

So no to treat of taters and meat.  

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THE BIGGER THEY ARE

The bigger they are, the more they have gall,

Those wide, and heavy, and overly tall,

My arm cannot reach,

To touch them, to teach,

One slap from them, and I'm flat on the wall.

SOMEONE GOT IN A SCRAPE AT THE BAR

I went to the to The Two Bird Bar,

Somebody keyed my new sporty car,

When I came outside,

I cried and I cried,

The mean patrons went hardy, har, har.

THE HORRIBLE NAIL MAN

Because of my horrible neighbor, Pat,

My four car tires went completely flat,

He took a long, steely nail,

Gave each tire an impale,

Now I can't get my groceries, oh drat.

THE GOOD NEIGHBOR (NOT)

I bought four used tires for my Chevy pickup truck,

My neighbor had a nail gun, so I was out of luck,

The neighbor punctured each tire,

Set my whole pickup on fire,

I sued him in court, but did not get a single buck.

THE CARNIVAL BEAR

I went to the carnival and the carnies were there,

They were all really nice, except their pet bear, 

The bear had little charm,

He bit off my right arm,

But, I look good with a prosthesis, so I don't really care.

GERTY GETS DIRTY AND DIGS HER HOLES

My dog Gerty likes to dig a big hole,

Hunting for the vicious, underground mole,

She plays at catch and release,

Leaves the dirt diggers in peace,

Gerty gets dirty, but has a good soul.

A CANDY BASKET FIT FOR KINGS AND QUEENS

I got a basket full of chocolate eggs, marshmallow peeps and jelly beans,

I've never seen so much candy, it was like a basket for kings and queens,

It came from a nice bunny,

I think his name was Sonny,

He was wearing big bib overhauls, because he was way too fat for jeans.

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SNAPPING TURTLES WENT FOR MY TOES

I went swimming with the turtles, and what did I find?

Turtles like to snap toes off, which left me in a bind,

I would have drowned that day,

But a whale came my way,

The whale swam me to my home, because that whale was kind.

PIT AND THE GIT

Donny was a really mean, awful git,

Donny had a big bulldog, he called Pit,

Donny teased him with meat, 

But wouldn't let poor Pit eat,

Pit bit off Donny's buns, now he can't sit.

THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS II

My parrot would fly, and knock over ma's high priced lamps,

Parrot scratched cousin Paul, and bit the ear off poor gramps,

What a criminal mind,

Common with his winged kind,

I chased Parrot out the door, he can go live with tramps.

WOLVES OF THE DRUID

There are these big, vicious wolves called alpha-males,

When I feed them people, the wolves wag their tails,

I'm a druid in the woods,

I feed wolves Red Ridding Hoods,

After dinner they sing in their howls and wails. 

MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE TEDDY BEAR TWO

My beautiful blue teddy bear sat in a tire swing,

He doesn't really swing, because he cannot do a thing,

I drag his butt out and around,

On his belly I sometimes pound,

I just want to show Teddy that to him I am his king.

I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH SOCKS AND SHOES

My favorite teacher was Mr. Shoes, my least was Mrs. Socks,

Socks would always yell out at me, for watching the time telling clocks,

Mr. Shoes gave out candy, 

To all the kids, but Randy,

Randy had once searched out Mr. Shoes' car, and pelted it with rocks.

NED SMELLS ALONE

Ned could smell a person flagellate, from across the sea,

Ned could tell if they be flagellating their meds, or meals, or tea,

Ned never kept his friends,

They broke up because of ends,

Ned couldn't keep his mouth shut, and let the flagellation be.

I TRIPPED MY ROBOT NAMED SAM

My new robot's name is Sam,
He made me a breakfast with raw eggs and fried ham,
But, the silverware wasn't clean,
And, I became rather mean,
When, I tripped Sam and he fell over, bam!