I GET EVEN WITH GUPPIES

I was raising expensive little corals in my guppy, fishy tank, 

I wanted to sell corals for money, and put the money in the bank,   

But, those crazy, guppy fish,

Ate my corals, for nutrish,  

I put in the guppy tank a piranha, and his name is Hungry Hank.

DRONES OVER THE TRAILER PARK

My trailer park is being overrun by flying drones,

The flying drones interfere with our functioning cell phones,

Our TVs have gone hush,

Our full toilets, won't flush,

And, drone ray guns burn the flesh off our bones.

UNCLE JOE'S RETREAT

Poor, old Uncle Joe could never find romance,

Joe became an expatriate, to South France,

All the day long,

He'd hum his song,

At night there was karaoke, before the dance.

I HAVE NO RENT HOUSING

Nitty Gritty had no pity,

He owned the slums in the city,

The rent was high,

I said bye, bye,

My new box is itty, bitty.

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

My neighbors were setting off holiday crackers,

The crackers sounded like cannon blast attackers,

One hit my shingled, tar roof,

Caused a fire that went poof,

I'm short a house, and eat donated cheese snackers. 

VERBAL ABUSE AND I LEAVE

My boots are all covered with wet mud,

Walked into the house; got called a crud,

I have no real common sense,

But I took a big offence,

I left for the beer bar for some sud.

PROPERTY TAXES ARE DUE

My property taxes are awfully darn high,

I think I'll be moving way up into the sky,

Get a copter I could repair,

Then I'll hover up in the air,

If they send me a tax bill, I'm asking them "why"?

FOUR STONE WALLS AND A PEACH

My city had four stone walls, that were tall and hard to breach,

In front of my  city, was a long, golden, sandy beach,

My city showed it had power,

When it built a tall clock tower,

Every time the loud chimes ring, my old fruit tree drops a peach.

BEN DOES THE SNOW

Ben's driveway was covered with snow,

Ben decided to give it a blow,

Ben is just a big slob,

He did one sloppy job,

Then he cleaned off the ice with a hoe.

THE CEILING

A ceiling keeps me from getting totally wet,

It keeps some snow out, so mommy don't get upset,

Then there is dad,

He is macho bad,

If he'd just put up walls, we'd be better off, yet.

MOUSE BE NIMBLE, MOUSE BE QUICK, OR IN THE GLUE TRAP YOU WILL STICK

Little Ginger was a furry,

She was a mouse not in a hurry,

She moved slowly, tap tap,

Got stuck in a glue trap,

Then the furry started to worry.

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PIE SAFE SAFTY

There was a great river that fell from the sky,

It crashed on my trailer, and I thought I'd die,

My trailer has leaks,

It's full of antiques,

To great grandma's old pie safe, I said "goodbye".

MY HEATER DID NOT SERVE ME WELL

I set my electric heater dial to toasty,

Took a long nap, and I woke up being roasty,

It was not my desire,

My shack catch on fire,

Seems my electric heater has made me a ghosty.

THE GLOWING SNOW WAS PAINTED BLUE

Chips of blue paint covered the new fallen snow,

The moonlight hit it, and the moonlight, it glow,

It's my peeled house paint,

The white snow it taint,

I would have repainted, but I didn't have much doe.

BENNY FED HIS GUEST A BIG MEAL

Benny did not see the bear that entered through the door,

Benny did not hear the bear, because Benny made loud snore,

Benny was quite a deal,

At 300 lbs, he made a meal,

After the bear was feeling full, he took a nap on Benny's floor.

THE CHIPMUNK AND THE NOSE RING

I lost my gold nose ring when it fell on the floor,

Stolen by a chipmunk, because I left open the door,

Chipmunks are such thieves,

They hide booty in my eaves,

I should steal their black walnuts, to even the score.

JERKS

Wherever I travel, there are only mean jerks,

From my family at home, to the all store clerks,

I would just stay in bed,

But, I need to get fed,

I guess being real cruel are common human quirks.

THE PENGUIN AND HIS PIGS

We were once bestest friends, the penguin and I,

I'd lift him up, and he'd pretend he could fly,

Then he ran off with my sweetie,

Far away to Tahiti,

Last I heard, they were raising pigs in Dubai.

THREE PIGS IN A PICKLE

A giant pickle laid on the ground,
Worms hollowed it out but, the walls were still sound,
Then, three little pigs,
Made the pickle their digs,
With rent being two pence and one pound.  

DOWN RIVER TO THE STUD

My roommate left the water on, after he washed off his crud,

It turned into a little river, that turned into a flood,

Our little apartment fell away,

Into the room where the landlord lay,

He was with several girlfriends, because he was a stud.