I WENT TO EGYPT TO DIG UP A MUM

I went to Egypt to dig up a mum,

But, I stayed at a hotel and drank tankards of rum,

So, I let the mum be,

And, watched cable TV,

While chewing on a big wad of gum.

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METER MARY WENT TO MARS

Meter Mary went to mars,

To setup meters for future cars,

Parking for free,

Meter Mary couldn't see,

Anywhere there are planets or stars. 

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EASY PEASY ROCKET SCIENCE

I'm locked in on taking a college, online test,

It's on rocket science, where my brain works the best,

I know the formulas for down and up,

I'll be done with the test, before I sup,

Then, I will play Mario, and lock in some rest.

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MY BOAT MOTOR SINKS IN THE SEA

My little boat's motor went over the side,

It happened so fast that I just let it slide,

Of course it rains and it pours,

I forgot to bring oars,

And, the lake was real long and real wide.

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BEEF ROAST WITH SQUIRMING RICE

My beef roast was loaded with squirming rice with eyes,

Finding rice in my roast was quite a surprise,

I queried how they got there?

And, the answer grayed my black hair,

It seems they were laid there by swarming black flies.  

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BALLAD OF THE LITTLE TRUMPETIER

The little trumpetier,
Played best after drinking his beer,
And, for half a shot and a fin,
He'd back-play violin,
It's too bad he had a tin ear.

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OFFICE WORKER LIMERICK

Pam tapped her black, shiny keyboard, as she typed tippy tap,
Pam sucked down a cola soda, as her earbuds boomed rap,
Pam worked in a law office.
For a lawyer named Crawfice,
Pam filled out legal documents,  with fancy, wordy crap.

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THE SKUNK WHO LOWERED HIS CHOLESTEROL

Derek the skunk liked his eggs in the morn,
So, he went into the chicken coop where the eggs were born,
Then the chickens got mad,
And, treated poor Derek bad,
So, Derek did breakfast, by eating field corn.  

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I TOOK MY TIME MACHINE BACK TO THE OLD WEST II

When I took my time machine back to the Old West,
I spilled a beer on Doc Holliday's new vest,
Now, he didn't say too much,
But, his bullet was hot to touch,
"Call for a doctor", was my next request.

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PAINTING MISHY-MASH

I painted my black and white cat,
He was playing with a squeaky-toy rat,
I sold the painting for big cash,
So, I'm painting more mishy-mash,
I'm living off those with a  wallet that's fat.

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SNOOKEY THE SHARK LIVES IN GRAND TRAVERSE BAY

Snookey the Shark lives in Grand Traverse Bay,

She eats every swimmer that swims in her way,

But, every Fourth of July,

She eats every swimmer, oh my,

Then, she burps for the rest of the day.

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CARRIE CHEATS AT CHECKERS

Little Carrie likes to cheat at checkers,
Making false kings via double-deckers,
If you turn away for a time,
She'll add crowns down the line,
She is the queen of the fair game wreckers.

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JOHNNY RINGNECK

Johnny Ringneck was a pheasant,
He was hunted by a peasant,
Johnny dodged bird shot, 
Which he did quite a lot,
But, Johnny lost some feathers in his crescent. 

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HOT APPS AND MY BANJO CAN'T PLAY

My fingers got blown off today,
Now, my banjo I clearly can't play,
I blame my cell phone,
Which was explosion prone,
Because of hot apps downloaded in May.

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FOUR LITTLE QUARTERS: MY SAVINGS AND CRAVINGS

Four little quarters I dropped into my coin bank,
They jingled and rattled while to the bottom they sank,
They were my life's savings,
I spent the rest on my cravings,
I always ate out, went to sports bars, and drank.

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SILENCE OF THE CAR PHONE

I thought I would make a car phone,
So, I got a long cord on a loan,
But, the cord didn't reach car,
Now, I'm still in my car,
And, don't even have a dial tone. 

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I CHANGED MY BUSINESS PARTNERS

I decided to change out my business chums,
Because, I couldn't understand their sums,
But, how you choose,
Is why you loose,
I thank goodness for the charity of mums.

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CARMEN THE OCTOPUS LIMERICK

Carmen the octopus was no longer charmed,
She was attacked by a shark, and then was disarmed,
But, she got it together,
Her loss of limbs didn't upset her,
She grew new ones, and appeared quite unharmed.🐙

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BARK NO DOG, LAMP NO LIGHT, BUG BITE

My lamp, it just wouldn't light,
I changed the bulb, but still not bright,
So I sat in the dark, 
With a dog who wouldn't bark,
And, bugs that did nothing but bite.

71022

DELETE THE STINKY PROSE

I wrote some real stinky prose,
It was so bad it stuffed up my nose,
So, I punched my keyboards delete,
The lines vanished, complete,
They are gone where all stinky prose goes.

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