My pig's child support payments had failed,
So, he was arrested and sentenced and jailed,
And, it didn't please the court,
When my pig went "snort, snort,"
For those comments he was really nailed.
Something bad happened to my wood deck, This spring it all fell all to heck, On the problem I set sights, And, found ten billion termites, Next, my wood house crashed down in a wreck.
I tried securing a date with the tastiest scones, I recited poetry in soft monotones, But, my lady chose another, In fact, he was my brother, Because of his strong pheromones.
My pet gator is covered with dots, Yet, I gave him all of his shots, But, he likes to eat weasels, And, from them he caught measles, Now, his poor belly is tied up in knots.
While I rafted down a creek, My rubber raft ripped a big leak, Then dry-shore I tried to seek, But cold water made me swim too meek, Soon my washed-up bones will be antique.
Ted turned a pretty profit in bones, He picked them up in a pit full of stones, Skulls and teeth he'd unbury, Some looked handsome, some scary, But none as scary as his student loans.
Tony's fish sandwich was all full of bones, They got stuck in his throat and gave Tony moans, Tony's next sandwich was jelly, Which put aches in his belly, Now, Tony just licks ice cream cones.
My relatives eat just pasta and beans, Hence, in my family there aren't any leans, So when one sits on a chair, The weight it won't bear, I'd buy more chairs but, I've run out of means.
Four little fish were having such fun,
Swimming beneath the bright morning sun,
They swam in the shallows,
Which turned into a gallows,
The turtles ate every single one.
I went to the market and bought me some trout, I didn't cook it enough and had a belly-ache bout, I will never, ever eat fish, Even, as a side dish, But, I will eat a pig's feet, ears and, snout.
Quigley's family came from outer space,
They lacked human components like feet and face,
But, the world was fooled,
For the kids were home schooled,
While, the Quigleys dined on the human race.
I went to buy meat and was shocked by the sticker,
The price was so high that it shut down my ticker,
When revived, I went to the bar,
And received one more jar,
At the price I was charged for my liquor.
Ben made bismarks until he was fired,
He didn't use the filling that was required,
It was such a big waste,
He filled bismarks with toothpaste,
It was not the filling the public desired.
I lost my money in shadow banking,
While the markets rose my account was tanking,
Of course when the markets eroded,
My account then imploded,
Now, I invest in collectible franking.
John's elevator went down so very fast, When it hit ground floor he lost his meal last, All the potatoes and gravy, Ended up on poor Davy, And, Susie enjoyed a steak from John's past.