I GUESS I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME

I guess I have no one to blame,

I missed out at my one chance for fame,

For I rescued a treed kitty,

Said the paper of the city,

But,

 they neglected to correctly spell my name.

32822

MY TOASTER DID NOT TOAST TOO WELL

My toaster did not toast too well,
It toasted mom's toast too toasty to jell,
So, I spread peanut butter,
Then, served it to mutter,
Who, disappointed, gave me a good yell.

9823

DELETE THE STINKY PROSE

I wrote some real stinky prose,
It was so bad it stuffed up my nose,
So I punched my keyboards delete,
The lines vanished, complete,
They are gone where all stinky prose goes.

21822

QUIGLEY'S FAMILY CAME FROM OUTER SPACE

Quigley's family came from outer space,
They lacked human components like feet and face,
But, the world was fooled,
For the kids were home schooled,
While, the Quigleys dined on the human race.

121920

MY LITTLE RED BARN IS NO MORE LIMERICK

My little red barn is no more,
The snow on the roof pushed the roof to the floor,
And, as for my cows,
They suffered ouches and oughs,
But, their safe though their homeless and poor.

22623

I BUILT A CABIN IN A SWAMP

I built a cabin in a swamp,
So, I'd have a place to romp,
I love all the snakes and the bugs,
With them I kisses and hugs,
But, on the lizards I like to stomp.

102323

CARRIE CHEATS AT CHECKERS

Carrie likes to cheat at checkers,
Making false kings via double-deckers,
If you turn away for a time,
She'll add crowns down the line,
For she's the queen of fair game wreckers.

62622

 

THE FOOD POISONING LIMERICK

My jar of pickles was suspiciously fizzy,
I ate just one pickle and became really dizzy,
I became violently ill, 
From that pickle with dill,
And, made the emergency room awfully busy. 

31617

THE ARTIST WITH MOOD

Hannibal came from Hamtramck,
His paintings are moody, dynamic,
He's been spray painting clowns,
All angry with frowns,
He stopped taking his meds now he's manic.

72423

MR. WHEELER'S BANJO BAD

Mr. Wheeler was so banjo bad,
His wrong notes just made sad, sad,
So, beat the drums,
Drown those banjo hums,
And, all humanity will be thankee-glad.

101621

WHERE ARE MY STRAWBERRIES MR. SNOW

If my strawberry plants could enforce their say,

They'd force the spring snowfalls to go away,

Strawberry baby making is hard,

While snow covers every yard,

And, causes a strawberry season delay.

41920

 

BEWARE OF SPACEMEN WITH PYRAMIDS

A space-man built a pyramid ship in the middle of my backyard,

Then, he told me to stay away from it, and he posted a robot guard,

But, when the robot had to recharge I snuck inside the ship,

Inside, I found a swimming pool, and so I took a dip,

And, while I took a swim, the space-man stole my credit card. 

92523

KING BENNY AND THE SCURVY DISEASE LIMERICK

Eating meat was the only way that King Benny was pleased,

Now Benny is all nasty and scurvy diseased,

His servants offered him fruits,

He threw at them his boots,

Now he feels bad because he is well teased.

42822

TRICK FOR TREATS LIMERICK

On Halloween I'll trick for treats,

            I'll fill my bag all up with sweets,

When I've finished my roam,

I'll head for home,

And, settle down with all my eats. 

102322 

THE GINGERBREAD AQUARIUM

Ron built an aquarium out of gingerbread,
It didn't hold water and his fish are all dead,
It may not be too soon,
To say Ron's mind's out of tune,
Ron thought the bread would keep his little fish fed.

102223

WITCHES MAKE ME ITCHY

I went into the woods and ran into three witches,

I said I couldn't stop and chat because my back really itches,

Then, they told me "what's worse?

Is your new itchy curse,"

So, I scratched so bad I got stitches. 

92223

TOM ATE HONEY UNTIL HE SMELLED LIKE A BEE

Tom ate honey until he smelled like a bee,
Which attracted the bears from every county,
Tom feared a bad beaten,
But instead, he was eaten,
By a bear who had just ate a Mountie.

81422

COLLEGE DEBT LIMERICK II

Jimmy thought education was king, 
He was sure great riches it'd bring,
But, after eight years of college,
And vast quantities of knowledge,
His pockets are empty of bling.

7314

HAMELET THE DIPSY DIVER SWIMS FAST

Hamlet was a shy dipsy diver bug,
He'd dive if he caught a glimpse of your mug,
He'd swim ten foot away,
Before you could say,
"He must use a performance enhancing drug."

5117

SOMEONE ATE MY CHICKENS LIMERICK

Someone ate all of my chickens last night,
The only trace found were feathers, all white,
It must be the bear,
He left his tracks there,
And, he gave my truck tires a bite.  

71823