In Lake Michigan there was a serpent named Sam, He swimed, he swum and, he swam, He swam up a river, To make Salmon quiver, But, his tail got caught in a Damn. Sam likes to sink really small vessels, But, with bigger boats Sam wrestles, If he has not the muscle, He'll lose out in the tussle, He then swims to his cave where he nestles.
In Sam’s toilet there was a rattlesnake, He thought it crawled up from his septic tank, While his wife was baking a birthday cake, Poor Sam just stood there completely blank, “Come here honey,” Sam called to his wife, “Come here and help me out”, Poor old Sam was in fear for his life, He was too afraid to just shout, Sam’s wife came into the bathroom at last, She told Sam he had to get loose, But, poor Sam turned around way to fast, And, the snake bit him on the caboose, Sam’s wife was a widow fair, She even kept the snake and tank, The snake and widow made quite the pair, With Sam’s life insurance in the bank.
Amy liked to munch on figs, While driving along in real big rigs, Once she dropped her fig on the floor, Then went reaching for some more, Out jumped a big buck deer, That caused Amy to try to veer, She missed the buck but could not steer, She may still eat figs, just not around here.
Martian, Martian from the sky, How'd you Martians learn to fly, We once tried space travel here, But, 'cause of money and fear, On Earth we're all going to die. Martian, Martian you have traveled far, While, we can't build a reliable car, We can't stay in space, We're a dumbing-down race, Remember us when you reach your next star.
I bought a golden turkey for my Thanksgiving holiday, He was really cheap and cost me so very little pay, But, it was really hard to eat, His gold leaf covered meat, And, my ulcers should be healed up by next May.
Jimmy used a jitterbug to try to catch a pike, But, the only thing that Jimmy caught was his older brother Spike, Jimmy used a silver spoon to try to catch a crappie, But, the only thing that Jimmy caught was the ear of his old pappy, Jimmy used a plastic worm to try to catch a bass, But, the only thing that Jimmy hooked was his cousin's giant mass, Jimmy used a squirrel-tail to try to catch a trout, But, the only thing that Jimmy caught was Jimmy's great big snout. Jimmy used a coupon to purchase fish and fries, Because if Jimmy kept on fishing then, everybody dies.
Four girlfriends played the bassoon, But, their friendship would be ending soon, For three of them would have despair, Because only one could be first chair, All four girls practiced every night, From supper time until the light, One day they played for the contested chair, All the music teachers listened with care, But, three of them hit many foul notes, The one that didn't got all the votes, Now, the three losers their friendship has grown, While the first chair girl sits in first chair alone.