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Wednesday, July 18, 2018

MY COMPUTER WISHED ME FARE THEE WELL

My computer  was the computer from the depths of hell,
It stole my bank account info and wished me fare the well,
And, off to the racetrack,
With no looking back,
My computer is rich while there's a  tolling of my bell,

THE BADGER AND THE WOLVERINE DID NOT PLAY SO WELL

The badger and the wolverine did not play very well,
I had to scold them both and make them lie down for a spell,
But, why should my scolds be of care?
Well,  I'm a great big polar bear,
And, I can clean anybody's clock or ring-a-ding their bell.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

FORSOOTH, MR. BOOTH TWO

 Forsooth, Mr. Booth drove a car one day,
He had no driver's training or license to display,
He had no concept of a lane,
Which, became painfully plane,
When, he drove off a dock and into the bay.

Monday, July 16, 2018

MUSTARD GAS BREATH EARNS NO CHARMS

Jim grew a garden between his toes,
He blew a sandstorm out of his nose,
The air was toxic beneath his arms,
With mustard gas breath he earned no charms,
A hygienic makeover is where this goes. 

Sunday, July 15, 2018

THE PIKE TOOK THE BLUEGILL BAIT

I went fishing for lunker bluegills at the bottom of the lake,
I knew a big fat earthworm was the bait that they'd take,
But, along came a pike and the bluegills swam away,
And, the pike grabbed my worm and I thought "happy day,"
But, the pike's teeth cut my line  so, he was never my prey. 

Saturday, July 14, 2018

I DRINK ALMOND NUT MILK

I drink milk made from an almond nut,
It tastes good and it's easy on the gut,
And, milk from a cow,
Gives my belly an ow,
So, I give the cow's milk to my mutt. 

Friday, July 13, 2018

I WALKED THROUGH THE SHADOW IN THE OFFICE OF BAD BREATH

I walked through the office under the shadow of bad breath,
I turned away my coworkers:  Jim, Tom, Tim, Jane and Beth,
But, I did not get too excited,
Some days their breaths are blighted,
Besides, I'm the owner's nephew;  my dear old uncle Seth.  

Thursday, July 12, 2018

FORSOOTH MR. BOOTH

Forsooth, Mr. Booth put his pants with the back on his front,
So, he looked quite unusual, to be very blunt,
Yet, he took a chance,
On the dance floor with dance,
And, danced very well; what a stunt.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

AFTER THE PARADE

After the parade when the sparklers all fade,
And, the tourists go home to their shacks,
Then, around the campfire sits a marshmallow choir,
Singing songs of the lake monster's attacks,

Among the people up here, the lake monster they fear,
More than sharp points on some deadly dear racks,
And, when that monster comes near the roar that you hear,
Will sound like ten thousand duck quacks,

But, alas the monster has never been clearly seen,
Some say he's brown, some say he's green,
Some say he's a fish with monstrous gills,
Some say he's a porcupine with carnivorous quills,

Of course all I'm saying is the monster is mean,
All I'm saying is he eats meat and never soybean,
All I'm saying is stay away from the water at night,
For dark is his domain and ours is filled with light.



DARK SKIES LEAD TO T FOR THE D

There was no shadow behind the tree,
Because the sun was history,
For the skies darkening clouds,
Were like piling on shrouds,
I was so depressed then, I took my tea.

THE BUG DINER II

Eating bugs at a diner is nothing new,
Except, if the bugs are on the menu,
And, at the Bug Shack,
You get caterpillars by the rack, 
With spiders scraped fresh from a shoe. 

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

NO MERCY FOR SPLITTING PANTS

My shoelaces never stay in a bow,
Instead, my shoes give my laces a tow,
"Just re-tie them," the teacher rants,
So, I split out my pants,
Then, off to the principals office I go.

Monday, July 9, 2018

FOUL WAS THE PARK AIR

I went to the park and the air was so foul,
It was thick as mortar you could cut with a trowel,
It had a chemical stink,
And, glowed hues that were pink,
I could breath because I brought along a wet towel.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

MY FOREST HOLOCAUST AND SUPPER

I camped and it was my desire,
To have a little fire,
But, as I cooked my sup,
A wind came up,
And, the forest holocaust was very dire.

Saturday, July 7, 2018

WHEN THE WINDY WIND BLEW MY CHECKERS AWAY

I grabbed my checkerboard to play checkers with my friends down by the bay,
Then, while playing a windy wind blew up and tossed my checkers all away,
So, what did I do?
When, the windy wind blew?
I went home for I had no reason to stay.

POLTERGEIST, GO AWAY TODAY

Poltergeist, poltergeist why do you linger?
You scared off my friends and bit off my small finger,
Please give up the ghost,
Between my breakfast toast,
And, when I sup on a chicken hot-winger.


Friday, July 6, 2018

TAIL OF THE BLOODY WHITE WHALE

I got into my tin dingy and rowed far out to sea,
The fish were out there so, that's where I should be,
Then, this bloody white whale,
Smacks me down with his tail,
Hence, no fish were coming back home with me.

UV PHOTONS MADE ME CRY

Photons, photons from the sky,
You can make me pretty or make me cry,
I look awesome with a deep dark tan,
But, the  extra energy I didn't plan,

I used some sunburn cream protector,
The SPF was rated by an inspector,
I'm not sure just what went wrong,
Some say I sat out in the sun and stayed there just too long.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

I HAD A DOG IN THE HUNT

We went after bear and I had a dog in the hunt,
He had a big voice but, he was a real runt,
My dog had a big scare,
When he faced off with the bear,
In fact, he emptied his bowls to be blunt. 

THE LEAKY BOAT RHYME

My little boat was an historic leaker,
Didn't work for a deep lake adventure seeker,
And, because swim skills were labeled weaker,
I became a bottom peeker,

My little boat let in too much water,

I guess it thought I was an otter,
Then, I drowned now I'm a rotter,
Should've stayed onshore with teeter-totter,

Now, I rest with the dark Grim Reaper,
And, my boat sits a tad bit deeper,
I left my boat cause it's not a keeper,
It made my wife a widow weeper.