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Sunday, February 25, 2018

TOILET TANK TABLETS ARE NOT FOR AQUARIUMS

I use tablets to clean my toilet tank,
I dropped one into my aquarium and it sank,
But, you know what was weird,
When the aquarium water was cleared,
My fish all played dead for a prank.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

BARD'S GOT A CONCRETE MUSHROOM SONG

The concrete mushroom in my yard,
Gave inspiration to the local bard,
But, it seems awful wrong,
For a concrete mushroom song,
When finding tasty mushrooms is hard. 

Friday, February 23, 2018

EYE ON SOUSE

When Miller stopped at the biergarten House,
He tarried there instead of going home to his spouse,
Which made his lonely spouse sob,
Till, she got a biergarten job,
Now, the spouse keeps an eye on her souse.  

Thursday, February 22, 2018

DISEASED LINKS

I got diseased by hitting links,
Now, my time on the internet really stinks,
I can't download a game,
So, it just isn't the same,
But, with no games I'm getting plenty of winks.



Wednesday, February 21, 2018

THE MAHJONG EXCITEMENT LIMERICK

I went online to play to play a game of Mahjong,
The game was so exciting that I bit into my tongue,
Then I lost, what a disgrace,
And, out the side of my face,
My poor throbbing tongue sadly hung.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

PLANT CLOSURES AND THE PURLOINED TOILET PAPER

The plant shut down and Dan was sent out the door,
He purloined some bath tissue to even the score,
But, he was caught with his booty,
And, the police got real shooty,
Now, Dan is worm food and he'll be nothing more. 


Monday, February 19, 2018

THE ROOM IN MY WALLET

There's lots of wiggle room in my wallet,
I'm broke and don't know what else to call it,
But, I'm soon to get pay,
Then, I'll have a good day,
And, I and my friends can go mall it. 

Sunday, February 18, 2018

TRANCING OFF WORLD

I had a friend who was a trancer,
She'd drink vinegar as a trance enhancer,
I knew she was way off world,
When her lower lip curled,
And, her left eyeball became a dancer. 

Saturday, February 17, 2018

WITCHES MAKE ME ITCHY

I went into the woods and ran into three witches,
I said I couldn't stop and chat because my back really itches,
Then, they told me "what's worse?
Is your new itchy curse,"
So, I scratched so bad I got stitches. 

Friday, February 16, 2018

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

Many people believe that their lives are a mess,
To the fairies of failure they kneel to and confess,
Of course, all the silver and gold,
Are success symbols oversold, 
When, food and a warm place to sleep is success

Thursday, February 15, 2018

SCUZZ NEEDS A JOB TWO

Sharp as a pencil that I was,
I'm a real hard worker with all I does,
But, I ain't been hired so what's the buzz?
I got no good grammar so, they calls me scuzz,

Now, I can't read no good and barely write,
But, if we goes to the bar I can fight, 
I ain't got no teeth but my jawbone bite,
And, what a grip and I holds on tight,

Of course, I just really need a job,
'fore turns my muscles to belly blob,
I knowed now I should a stayed in school,
Alas, without much learning the world is cruel.



 

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

MY UNREQUITED LOVE

My unrequited love,

I know you go on to the world of lovers where I will not be,

Still, in my heart I imagine you stay here with me,

And, great joy and happiness we find together,

On a ship in space in the distant future,

We share our lives for an eternity,

Joyous with all the amenities of this world,

And, of the tunes, tones and entertainments,

That exhaust all thoughts of boredom,

To this world I will imagine you and I,

Until my human thoughts all die.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

THE MAN WITH STINKY HONEY BREATH

The reason I get odd looks and stares,
Is because my teeth are as big as a bear's,
And, my gait is bear funny,
While, my breath stinks of honey,
I guess I am a bear but, who cares? 

Monday, February 12, 2018

THE PEARL DIVING DOG NAMED SAM

My little dog named Sam,
Diving for pearls he swam,
But, no oysters, no pearls,
Still, he got attention from girls,
"He's my dog," I'd say like a ham.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

MOMMA AND I EAT PIE AND THE KIDS EAT BEANS

I feed my family pineapple with pork and beans,
It feeds the little ones through the teens,
But, momma and I,
We eat fruit pie,
So, we're a couple of fats while the kids are all leans.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

WINE, BEER AND THE SINUS BAD CHEER

My sinuses are on the decline,
I drank wine which makes them not fine,
But, when I drink beer,
My sinuses are of raw cheer,
So, with alcohol I no longer dine.

Friday, February 9, 2018

UP INTO MY EARS

When my eyes let go some tears,
Before me a tissue box soon appears,
But, the tissue the box wouldn't let go,
And, with a full nose to blow,
An explosion went up into my ears.


Thursday, February 8, 2018

THE CHICKEN THAT WOULD NOT FLY

That chicken just won't fly,
It's wings are clipped and it's about to fry,
And, when it's breast is frying done,
I have some mayonnaise on a bun,
Then, under some bacon and tomato it will lie.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

THE S'MOREST S'MORE

In the pantry behind the door,
Is where I kept my secret store,
Of marshmallows and candy bars,
And, graham crackers shaped like cars,
So, I could make the s'morest s'more.  

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

MY FEELINGS ON DRINKING SNOW WATER

I drank snow water and it was so cold,
My throat froze and I was not sold,
I want my water hotter,
Save the cold for an otter,
My drink makes me feel I'm too bold.