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Friday, June 23, 2017

LIONS NEED ME

Woods, full of lions,
Stalking, drooling, pining me,
Feelings, needed, me.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

I CAME UPON A FOREST FROG

I came upon a green forest frog,
He barked just like a domestic dog,
He had a bad habit,
He liked to hunt rabbit,
When they bit him he ran under a log.

George the frog would hunt for bunny,
He wanted to get one and make some money,
He hunted with a gun,
But, it was no fun,
George decided to hunt bees for their honey.

SOMEONE ATE MY CHICKENS LIMERICK

Someone ate all of my chickens last night,
The only trace found were feathers, all white,
It must be the bear,
He left his tracks there,
And, he gave my truck tires a bite.  

MY FEETS WERE STAINED BY BEETS

I decided to get some eats,
So, I opened a can of beets,
I spilled the juice,
It ran real loose,
And, stained purple my barefeets.  

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

TOILET FLOWERS

My outdoor toilet was all full of flowers,
They grew well after all the rain showers,
They were such a bouquet,
I just let them stay,

My toilet is artwork that towers.


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

IF YOU WANT TO GO FISHING THERE IS NO GAIN WITHOUT PAIN

If you want to go fishing there is no gain without pain,
To get the big worms you must go out in the rain,
So, in the rain I took hikes,
Survived two lightning strikes,
But, the second strike cooked half of my brain.

Monday, June 19, 2017

MARY WAITS FOR THE MAN WITH THE LITTLE FEET

Jim had such little feet,
They barely got him down the street,
So, he would tarry,
Behind his wife Mary,
Who, waited hours for Jim to meet.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

CEDAR SWAMP BROOK TROUT LIMERICK

Today I decided to lounge all about,
And go fishing for some little bitty brook trout,
I took my pick,
From a cedar swamp crick,
Tasting piney; I washed them down with stout.

MY ASPARAGUS DITCH HARVEST

In farm ditches there doth dwell,
Wild asparagus to pick and sell,
But, one fine day,
Old farmer May,
Greeted me with rock-salt from hell.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

MR. WHEELER'S BANJO BAD

Mr. Wheeler was so banjo bad,
His wrong notes just made sad sad,
So, beat the drums,
Drown those banjo hums,
And, all humanity will be thankee-glad.


Friday, June 16, 2017

THE PETOSKEY STONE LIMERICK, FESTIVAL AND CELL PHONE WARNING

My shinny petoskey stone, 
Made of something; maybe coral or bone,
I found one on the beach, 
And, what did it teach,
Watch out for water if you drop your cell phone.



Thursday, June 15, 2017

DEATH OF THE CLOCK AND THE RISE OF THE WATCH

My wall-clock fell on my desk and broke,
No reviving, it suffered a terminal stroke,
Oh what should I do,
When I need time that's true,
I bought a gold watch from a street-corner bloke.


Wednesday, June 14, 2017

I DISCOVERED MERCURY

I thought I found a pint of old gin,
So, I emptied the contents of sin,
My skin turned real gray,
Then, I passed away,
For, it was mercury that was stored within.


THE YELLOWED COWBOY HAT OF TEXAS

I decided to go to the Western Bar,
I walked because it was not too far,
My white cowboy hat had yellowed,
So, passersby bellowed,
My western look wasn't quite par.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

ANTIQUE RAFTING

While I rafted down a creek,
My rubber raft ripped a big leak,
Then, dry-shore I tried to seek,
But, cold water made me swim too meek,
Soon, my washed-up bones will be antique.


LOADING DISHWASHER WRONG LEADS TO BLUES AND MAHJONG

I loaded my dishwasher completely wrong,
So, I'm singing the so sad broken-dish song, 
Now, I've paid some sad dues,
So, I'm singing sad blues,
Then, I'll play a quick game of Mahjong.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

FISHING DARK AND DEEP

I went fishing on a lake dark and deep,
Then, through the floor water started to seep,
I didn't have a pail,
So, I really  couldn't bail,
I sank calmly without even a peep. 

SILENCE OF THE CAR PHONE

I thought I would make a car phone,
So, I got a long cord on a loan,
But, the cord didn't reach car,
Now, I'm still in my car,
And, don't even have a dial tone. 

Friday, June 9, 2017

GREAT BULLFROGS THE SIZE OF DEER

In a hidden pond they did appear,
Great big bullfrogs the size of deer,
One ate a bear, 
That made me scare,
Now, in the tavern I'll drink my beer.


Tuesday, June 6, 2017

MY PATH TO GONDOLIER SCHOOL

I thought I'd try my hand at tennis,
But, after many fly balls I was labeled a menace,
I was ordered off the court,
To attempt a  new sport,
Now, I'm a  gondolier in old Venice.