I KNOCKED A PIZZA DOWN

I found a whole pizza, but it was up in the trees,

Don't know how it got there, but there was a steady breeze,

It took me quite a bit,

But, I found a long stick,

I caught the sausage pizza, and added cheddar cheese.

A BUG IN MY DILLS

I bought a can of dill pickles from an online superstore,

I received my can of dill pickles, in it is something more,

It has six legs,

Legs straight like pegs,

The thing looks like the cockroach I see, crawling across my floor. 

CATO'S POTATO AND THE BIG, FOUL BEAR

There was a spider monkey named Cato,

The only food he had was a potato,

Along came this foul bear, 

He demanded his share,

In exchange, he shared his tomato. 

41624

THE PIG AND I

My cute little pig, laid down for a long sleep,

Now, soon tender vitals, my cleaver shall reap,

I have no regrets,

I eat all my pets,

Except for my hound dog; he'll bite me back, deep.

EXTRA NUTS PLEASE

I ordered some extra nuts off the net,

They're almonds, the right size nuts, you can bet,

I ordered the real salty,

Goes with my beer that's real malty,

Now with my nuts my weekend's all set.

THE SPACE LASAR GOT ME GOOD

There is this glowing space laser, some call it the sun,

It aims straight down on me, like some Martian ray gun,

It's not at all funny,

Getting zapped by the sunny

I feel cooked like a turkey, dry and crispy done.

6323

,

I TOOK A BREAK AND IT HURT

I ate two onion bagels, and that was lunch,

I washed them down with a sweet, raspberry punch,

My teeth were full of ruts,

On break I chewed some nuts,

I shouted "Ouch!", with every single crunch.

41224

LEFTOVERS

All the food in my fridge is in rapid decline,

The juice is all fuzzy, and has turned into wine,

The potatoes are a dark green,

The chicken has a shiny sheen,

Last months popular pork roast, is growing a vine.

041124

THE PERCH THAT BEGGED HAD NO LEGS

The big perch I caught last night, had a big yellow belly,

His lips, tight as wires, and he was awfully smelly,

The perch begged and said, "Please, Please, Please,

If I had legs, I'd be on my knees,

Let me go and your kindness, I'll broadcast like a telly."

Epilogue

Fish tastes so good with lemon, and a dusting of white pepper and sea salt.

THE DISCOMFORT OF GAINING MASS

Jim's Twinkie was shrinking with every big bite,

As Jim's Twinkie was shrinking, Jim's belt grew more tight,

Jim just went to the store,

Bought Twinkies, many more,

Jim loosened his belt, until his belt felt just right.

4524

PICKLED EGGS AND SAUSAGES

I had pickled eggs and juicy pickled red hots,

I handle them just fine, but my dad gets the trots,

To put dad at ease,

I fed him some cheese,

That bound and gassed up his belly, now he farts lots.

4424

OLD JEFFREY IN THE MORNING

Jeff had two turkey sausages along with his tea,

He would of had eggs, but they disagree with Jeffrey,

Jeff did drink orange juice,

To keep his bowels loose,

OJ also gives old Jeffrey his vitamin C.

A SQUARE MEAL FOR A FLY

I made a bread sandwich, included tomatoes and cheese,

I made a fruity desert, included honey from bees,

I made a coffee to drink,

Drank antacid that was pink,

I then left for the big airport for my flight overseas.

EATING OUT CHEAP

I went to a real cheap restaurant, and it was all you could eat,

You had to wash your own dishes, and wipe down your table and seat,

They served macaroni and rice,

Very stale white bread, a thin slice,

They had a white sausage gravy, but it smelled like my sister's feet.

MY CHEESE EATING BUNNY

I have a cute bunny rabbit that only eats real cheddar cheese,

The bun barges into the fridge and takes it, never saying please,

I am a total mute,

Because bunny is cute,

I will never criticise bunny, because bunny is the bees knees.

EASTER BUNNY RABBIT FRAUD

The Easter Bunny was nasty, and left me just plastic eggs,

Those hard, plastic knock-offs, were never between a chickens legs,

The candy left in the eggs seemed real mean,

Leftover candy corn from Halloween?

What did  Bun do with the Easter funds, that's what the question begs?

3312024

DON'T EAT THE PRETTY THINGS

As I walked to the store, I picked a pretty flower,

I chewed it in my mouth, and it tasted very sour,

Someone said, "should have left it be,

You just tasted new doggy pee",

I hurried home and rinsed my mouth out for an hour.

33124

A CANDY BASKET FIT FOR KINGS AND QUEENS

I got a basket full of chocolate eggs, marshmallow peeps and jelly beans,

I've never seen so much candy, it was like a basket for kings and queens,

It came from a nice bunny,

I think his name was Sonny,

He was wearing big bib overhauls, because he was way too fat for jeans.

33024

THE BUG SLURPER

Leonardo the squirrel, ate bugs, never nuts,

Leo didn't like the chewing, he'd rather slurp guts,

And the tastiest slurps,

Came from bugs that had chirps,

Leo avoided bugs that had bad smelling butts.

32924

THE HAPPY EASTER BUNNIES

Bunnies were doing their business, right outside my screen door,

One thing that's true about bunnies, they are always making more,

The bunnies and me,

Let each other be,

Except the ones that are roadkill, become my main winter store.