I HAVE NO EGG FOR BIRTHDAY CAKE

I have no eggs to scramble, and I have an egg and sausage ache,

I have no eggs for baking, and my kid wants a nice birthday cake,

What do.I do?

Who do I sue?

Grandma just died from the bird flu, now her poached egg, the angels make.

MY PLAN TO DESTROY THE BRAIN WORM

It seems, my alien brain worm is twisting, and twisting really bad,

It makes one side of my face smile happy, and the other, tear sad,

I'll eat  greased, French fries,

So my  brain worm dies,

The worm will die from a stroke, and my butt will be a soft, sitting pad.

APARTMENT FIRE, BEAN SUPPER PROSPECTS? DIRE

All of my big brain was completely locked-in,

On getting some sweet, baked beans, out of a tin,

It's was a small, rusty can

The opener ran, and ran,

There was a fire, now I'll not get my din.

HEALTHY MIDNIGHT JAW EXERCISE

Twas the middle night, and I shorted the fridge a pepper, cabbage coleslaw,

I love eating vegetables late at night, but only ones that are raw,

I'll have two buttered buns,

Only big, puffy ones,

The buns and veggies I'll enjoy as a treat, and soft chew them with my jaw.

I ATE TOO MUCH AND GOT FAT

I have been eating the dogs and the cats,

And, the guano that falls from the cave bats,

I've eaten the things under logs,

Like bugs, snakes and frogs,

I've eaten so much, they're calling me, "Fats".

SQUAT AND FORAGE LIKE A MAN

I live in a dilapidated, housing den,

Along with 16 other homeless, hungry men,

We go to the zoo,

Eat animal poo,

Then rummage in garbage, after curfew, at ten.

SOUPY EGGS IN THE SHELL

I bought fresh, farm eggs, but they were soupy,

That made the family, tense and poopy,

The soupy eggs were quite tainted,

The porcelain, got brown painted,

The bathroom rugs were sticky and goopy.  

MILK+ MEOW+MOLE=KITTIES.

Dominick had a really pretty milk cow,

She made lots of milk for Dom's cat named, Meow,

Meow shared her milk bowl,

With her tom cat named, Mole,

Soon there were six kittens, and Dom knew not how.

MORNING OFFICE TREATS

Apple Fritters Monday is how the usual morning, work week starts,

Apple fritters are sweet and greasy, full of sour, fruity tart, tarts,

Fritters are an office win,

But seen as a fat, flab sin,

I like Peanut Brittle Tuesdays, but the brittle yields many farts.

A TALE OF TWO TUNA TUBS

I bought two tubs of tuna, and found one stinky, rotten, yesterday,

I had left it in the basement, about 16 months ago, I'd say,

The other tuna tub,

Was used to make my sub,

I'm sure I made a massive tuna melt, and that's what I now convey.

BEST TASTING THING IN THE GARDEN, THE GNOME

For family dinner, I cooked a small, garden gnome,

When I fried his little giblets, he begged to go home,

"I'm awful hungry", I said ,

" Your prolly already dead",

Then his greasy giblets, started to pop and to foam.

"

SPIKEY SAM'S HAM, JUICE AND JAM😠

We once had a baby, and his name was Spikey Sam,

He liked to sip orange juice while he ate eggs and fried ham,

As egg prices went eagle high,

I could no longer make that buy,

Spikey Sam had to settle for fried ham, toast and jam.

EATING THE MOUTH FOAMER ON EASTER DAY

The big rabbit I shot has rabies, is he still safe to eat?

I promised the kids a rabbit for an Easter dinner treat,

It's kind of sickly, spongy meat,

Maybe kill the rabies, with heat?

I'll try feeding it to grandpa, then with the kids, I'll repeat.

GOOBERS AND JOE

My kids are eating couch found goobers, because I'm all out of doe,

I went outside to dig for taters, but the tates are in deep snow,

At the top of the hill

I did spy a roadkill,

I will not tell the next door neighbors, that we dined on their cat, Joe.

I HAD FOOD INSECURITY, UNTIL I FOUND MY TOES

I had a couple of extra toes, and I cut them off for the meat,

I went two days hungry, and needed something protein that I

could eat,

It is winter, so there are no bugs,

I checked the bed; I checked the rugs,

I did find a ciggy butt to munch, but it tasted just like dog feet.

SUSTAINED BY THE EARTH AND SEA

I cannot afford eggs, but I got some egg shells for free,

They fell from a nest, underneath my weeping willow tree,

The egg shells were baby, sky blue,

The color excited my stew,

I flavored it with salt, harvested from the coral sea.

TRINA WENT TO CANADA

Trina went to Canada, to buy herself some maple candy,

Trina bought a Canada cap, for her dear, big sister, Sandy,

Trina flew across the Meridian,

Because she is a real Floridian,

Trina made it home by noon, to open her bottle of brandy.

THE DAY OLD DIXIE DIED, AND LEFT ME SOMETHING

Today, old Dixie died of a heart attack, within her mobile home,

She forever sleeps in oblivion, and her mind don't have to roam,

Dixie had an extensive will,

I got her pantry, canned roadkill,

Her trailer belonged to the welfare, as did her mattress made of foam.

WARNING: NOT ALL BIRDS LAY EGGS

I wanted to have daily, fresh eggs for family treats,

I went to the pet store, and  bought a pair of parakeets,

The two birds, I did beg,

Didn't lay one single egg,

Then I see both birds are male, according to the receipts.

I WORK AT THE JERK

I finally got me some paying work,

I'm head cook at a restaurant called, Jerk,

We serve only jerky,

In our sauce called, murky,

We serve just fowl, mainly chicken and turk.