WHEN DESPERATE, YOU EAT THE SKIN

I dug taters out of the ground, so I could have some dinner,

Just one tater came from the hole, it was massive, a winner,

But, it was full of worms,

I had come to terms,

I fried the peels in bacon grease, I was a tater skinner.

WICKED CHILI

Looking under his chair, Jim found himself, a piece of chili,

It was only a single bean, it was furry and frilly,

It tasted uncouth,

It poisoned a tooth,

It made Jimmy have a  sore belly; his colon felt silly.

HOLIDAY IN PORTUGAL

I went to Portugal to buy some stringy cheese,

While I was there, I bought honey made by some bees,

I ate some cooked, ground pork,

Drank wine; it had a cork,

Ordered a cherry pie, but it had to unfreeze. 

THE PILGRIM MADE PROGRESS, UNTIL...

There was a young pilgrim at my front door, 

He delivered cranberries from the store,

I paid him a tip, 

Away he did skip,

He fell on his butt, and I bet he was sore.

RICH AND POOR: THE DOUGH GLAZER STORY

I sold glazed donuts in my own glazed donut store,

I became filthy rich, and then went dirty poor,

A cave in of my dwelling,

Caused donuts to stop selling,

I had no insurance, so I could not restore.

I WENT TO SUGAR HIGH, ON HALLOWEEN

It lasted only a day and a night, late, last October,

It was all Halloween, and I dressed like my dog named, Rover,

On my tv screen,

Jason chased a teen,

Today I came off my super, sugar high, and

 I'm sober.

American Cuisine, On The Road

I went out to scrape pavement, because I was hungry for sup,

Didn't know if the critter was a weasel, or someone's stray pup,

Too small for a bear,

Really, did not care,

Figured it would taste good mixed with noodles, and served in a cup.

THE CHOIR WITH THE BIG BANG

Benny sang soloist in a choir gang,

Benny ate too many beans, before he sang,

As Benny's britches rang and rang,

The choir master said, "Oh, dang",

Benny's solo ended, with a great big "Bang!".

The Sunfish And My Eye

There was this little sunfish, I tried to deep fat fry,

Then a grease spatter popped, taking out my one good eye,

In my bad eye I see fizzy,

Many bubbles that are busy,

The ambulance picked me up, and I went bye, bye, bye.

PEASANT RECIPE FOR STEW, HAGIS AND SCONES, NOT

I once  knew a great big giant, and his name was Marvelous Mel,

He got all his stew meat from the peasants, he caught down in the dell,

He ground and ground their bones,

To make flaky, crisp scones,

He made haggis from their innards, his recipe, he wouldn't tell.

 

THE GUESTS AT MY BED AND DINNER

It got so cold, I asked the rats to snuggle in,

In my creaky bed with the bedbugs, and my gin,

We were all warm and cozy,

While the outside got snowzy,

Next day, I ate the rats for my six o'clock din.

THE PAN HANDLER

The guy was away handling pots and pans,

He was the cook on a ship named, The Hans,

When the ship sunk down,

That cook guy did drown,

Trying to save a case of tuna cans.

TIGER, TIGER, FATTY MEAT

I dream all day long of pickled pigs feet,

It's the only food for super I'll eat,

I chew on the thick pig fat,

Thinking I'm one tiger cat,

Gnawing from the bones the fat and the meat.

DENNY FELL DOWN FROM A COCONUT TREE

Big Denny fell down out of a coconut tree,

Then got buried by tree nuts, and stung by a bee,

Some runny coconut milk,

Stained Denny's  shirt, made of silk,

The bee stung Denny's eyeballs, now Denny can't see.

SELLING THE DILLED ON THE HILLED

I was gonna do up some sour pickles that are dilled,

I was gonna sell um, up by the highway, where it's hilled,

Then I found my dill was full of worms,

With that, I finally come to terms,

I still used the dill, and the quality, each sale confirms.

THE POTATO SUPER EIGHT

There were once eight garden heroes, called The Potato Super Eight,

They protected the vegetable garden, and they were first rate,

They chased off the worms and bugs,

The raccoons, gophers and slugs,

They were eight handsome, perfect spuds, all the green beans wanted to date.

MEALING WITH TOM

Tom's black eyed peas tasted delicious with butter and salt,

Tom ate too much, so he puked, which caused his eating to halt,

Tom then gulped some tangy drink,

It was lemonade, made pink,

Tom thought through deserts he knew, and picked a chocolate malt.

MELON, MEAT AND CORN

I had a watermelon, and I cut the melon into three,

One piece for my dog Lindsey, and the other two pieces, for me,

Then I ate a spiral ham,

My dog Lindsey, just got spam,

Then I shared my last can of corn, and Lindsey was tail-wag happy.

THE WEREWOLF AND THE BACK BACON

I walked into the butcher shop, and found a dire werewolf, lurking the store,

He had eaten all the butchers and clerks, and the old guy who sweep/mops the floor,

I asked the creature if it was taken?

I meant the last three pounds of back bacon?

The werewolf just looked and growled at me, as I removed the bacon out the door.

I LOVE MY SALTY AND FATTY MEATS

My pacemaker picked up the heart pace,

So I stayed part of the human race,

I could no longer eat,

Tasty, fatty, salt meat,

And that was a boot kick in the face.