THE TWISTING TURTLE

There's a snapping turtle who does the twist,

He stands on hind legs while each front leg makes a fist,

One of those swerving long-neckers, 

Making moves like Chubby Checkers,

All night long til the sun cuts the mist.

I ONCE BECAME SO PARANOID

I once became so paranoid,
That I stopped eating glue,
Because I thought it might contain,
A horse or two I knew,

I once became so paranoid,
I thought my goldfish might attack,
I was so afraid I wouldn't clean his jar,
And, found him lying on his back,    

I once became so paranoid,
I thought the sun would rise no more,
So, I bought ten thousand light bulbs,
And, cleaned out the light bulb store.

DONNY OF THE DIAPER, COMPLAINS

Donny likes to cruelly criticize,

Yet, hates reports of his small hand size,

Donny is chief amongst grippers,

While sitting in squishy diapers,

Blaming others for his showbiz demise.

MATH STINKS LIMERICK

Billy liked to play with math,
So much so he missed his bath,
And, although he did stink,
He did calc in a blink,
I'm jealous of his career path.  

ANOTHER WINTER WORK DAY (OR NOT)

I got up this morning and my coffee was cold,

My glazed doughnuts were glazed over with green mold,

My truck was froze and the battery dead,

So, I gave up and went back to bed,

Another winter work day put on hold.

SHORT ORDER COOK LIMERICK

The only job that I could book,

Was working part time as a short order cook,

Now, my burgers were crunchy,

My fries dry and bunchy,

But, my food's fine if you try not to look.

 

MY LITTLE GARBAGE PALS

All my little mice had nothing to eat,

After I took the garbage out to the street,

Then, all the mice disappeared,

And, my eyes got all teared,

I miss how the mice would lick on my feet.

THE MAHJONG EXCITEMENT LIMERICK

I went online to play to play a game of Mahjong,
The game was so exciting that I bit into my tongue,
Then I lost, what a disgrace,
And, out the side of my face,
My poor throbbing tongue sadly hung.

LOST LOVE

Within the shadow on the wall there were two eyes of blue,

No shadow I have ever dreamed had two eyes but, you,

So awkward, we look into the past,

And, remember love that did not last,

Knowing in our final dream that our lost love, we rue.