THE THRILL OF THE GRILL

I fired up my old rusty gas grill,

Thought for the holiday I'd cook up a thrill,

I cooked burgers and wieners,

For my juveniles and seniors,

And my grilling made everyone ill. 

THE PINK BALLOON

My pink balloon popped in midair,🎈

It gave a bluebird quite the scare,🐦

So, it dropped some poop,

On my front stoop,

Whilst, I was sitting there. 🙄

THE PONY TAIL PIG

A poke-a-dot pig with a long ponytail,
Would dance until the all floor joists would fail,
She went on a long cruise,
For food, dancing and booze,
But, her weight sank the ship before it set sail.

POOR PUTTY CAT

I spread some tuna on a stick,

But it fell off before I could lick,

The fish drips hit the ground,

And without making a sound,

The cat ate it and then he got sick.

POLO FACE

I went to play polo and go poloed in my face

It hurt really bad, and I got a face brace,

I looked underneath,

And out dropped all my teeth,

And I thought boy, I've got a court case.

THE TITMOUSE PIRATE

The little titmouse flew out to sea,

And boarded a ship in the Pirate Navy,

With the captain to thank,

The titmouse moved up in rank,

To Midshipman in charge of gunnery. 

THE BIG HAIRY DOG LIMERICK

The big hairy dog that lives down the street,

Ran through my garden with his great big feet,

He tore up my pickle vines,

I observed those sad signs,

This year I'll get no pickles to eat.

THERE WAS AN OLD LADY IN KALKASKA

There was an old lady in Kalkaska,
Her kids all moved to Nebraska,
But, once they came home,
They didn’t want to roam,
Nebraska was too cold like Alaska.

WRONG BAKED BREAD

I baked some bread, but baked it wrong,

You cannot break it unless, you are Kong,

I wanted the bread to harden fast,

So, I used cement from yard projects past,

The bread could be a perch for a bird with a song. 

THE HANSEL AND GRETEL HOODS TALE

Hansel and Gretel went out into the woods,

They went to steal the witch's fresh cookie goods,

But they weren't so lucky,

They were educated in Kentucky,

And tracked the wolf from the Red Riding Hoods.

WHEN THE BEAR BENDS

Bears like to eat people, that's why I have no friends,

My friends went into bear bellies, and came out in piles of twists and bends,

So I decided to befriend bears,

One of my gravest errors,

Now I'm a pile in the forest, and that's where my story ends.

A BANANA MUTED MY TOOT

My trumpet, I tried and tried to make toot,
It didn't work because it was stuffed with a fruit,
It seems my dear nanna,
Didn't like her banana,
The fruit fit my trumpet but not grandpa's flute.