I'M IN THE BELLY OF A LITTLE ANT

I sat down in my yard, and many fire ants attacked me,

They were all biting, and kept biting, they would not let me be,

They found me next dawn,

All my flesh was gone,

One little fire ant,  big burped, doing a belly drag, flee.

A TALE OF TWO TUNA TUBS

I bought two tubs of tuna, and found one stinky, rotten, yesterday,

I had left it in the basement, about 16 months ago, I'd say,

The other tuna tub,

Was used to make my sub,

I'm sure I made a massive tuna melt, and that's what I now convey.

POOR GRAMMAR BLOCKING; AT LEAST THEY DON'T BLOCK FOR SPELLING

I have been blocked across the entirety of the world,

Not because of foul words that I have recently unfurled,

All my overnight, blog drama,

Based on how I used a comma,

The nasty, cruel comments, left my hair permanently curled.

JIMMY AND THE BARTENDER BEAR

Jimmy moved all the way to Mars, but he did not like it there,

Until he met a nice, large friend, called the Margarita Bear,

The Bear worked at the Far Mars Bar,

His bartending made him a star,

The Bear was cuddle fury, while Jimmy only had nose hair.

BEST TASTING THING IN THE GARDEN, THE GNOME

For family dinner, I cooked a small, garden gnome,

When I fried his little giblets, he begged to go home,

"I'm awful hungry", I said ,

" Your prolly already dead",

Then his greasy giblets, started to pop and to foam.

"

THE BOOMER GENERATION (LOST IN PLACE)

My big beautiful spaceship, I launched into the air,

I am very afraid that it will need some repair,

Once above a high cloud,

It went"Boom!" kind of loud,,

Big chunks of falling metal, might mess up someone's hair.

SPIKEY SAM'S HAM, JUICE AND JAM😠

We once had a baby, and his name was Spikey Sam,

He liked to sip orange juice while he ate eggs and fried ham,

As egg prices went eagle high,

I could no longer make that buy,

Spikey Sam had to settle for fried ham, toast and jam.

JIMMY TOILET BELLY

Jimmy had some string beans from a can,

They made him puke, now them, Jimmy ban,

Jimmy is a putzy punk,

He eats lots of veggie junk,

At days end, to the toilet, he ran.

I HAD A BEER WAGON, WITH DEER

I bought me a wagon and a couple of reindeers,

The deers haul the wagon, while I sell cups of warm beers,

For violations, I'm arrested,

My long term patience, will be tested,

I will be sitting in prison for maybe, ten years.

TULIP TIP TOEING AND THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

I tip toed through some tulips, and got my foot caught in a bear trap,

I use to love the tulips, but as of now, I'm very unhap,

I will rot away amongst pretty flowers,

My nutrients giving them super powers,

It will not be long until I bleed out, and then my life's a wrap.

DOOMSCROLLING

I've been very, seriously doomscrolling, all the week long,

I watch doom and gloom, while listening to a doom and gloom, song,

Many say I'm a nut,

But I do know what's, what?

Many say I waste my time, and my twisted brain worms, are wrong

EATING THE MOUTH FOAMER ON EASTER DAY

The big rabbit I shot has rabies, is he still safe to eat?

I promised the kids a rabbit for an Easter dinner treat,

It's kind of sickly, spongy meat,

Maybe kill the rabies, with heat?

I'll try feeding it to grandpa, then with the kids, I'll repeat.

TRINA AND HER ANIMAL HIDE

Trina went to Alaska to buy a reindeer carcass coat,

 But, the only coat that fit Trina, was one made out of goat,

Trina's goat skin coat looked real fine,

Until, she spilled on it red wine,

Trina couldn't get the stain out, so to the goat tanner she wrote.

GOOBERS AND JOE

My kids are eating couch found goobers, because I'm all out of doe,

I went outside to dig for taters, but the tates are in deep snow,

At the top of the hill

I did spy a roadkill,

I will not tell the next door neighbors, that we dined on their cat, Joe.

A FLYING FRY CAN PUT OUT AN EYE

The meal I made had become weaponized,

The kids were fighting each other with fries,

Surrounded by missile booms,

I sent all kids to their rooms,

I stand determined that nobody dies.

SONNY GOT MY TOOTH, BUT THE DEVIL GOT MY SOUL

My tooth really ached after I ate some pudding cake,

I tried to pull the tooth, but all it did was break,

For dental work, I had no money,

I called for help, my buddy, Sonny,

He dug out the tooth, then angels, my soul, did take.

GET LOCKED IN, AND DING DONG A WIN IN LINEAR ALGEBRA

Before an exam, I get my brain matter locked in,

By ear-budding some music, that channels me a win,

I chose a special song,

That wakes my brain, ding-dong,

Once my test is done, I have a pizza for my din.

THE RED RECKONING FOR DEAD SNOW

I went riding on my snowmobile; it is also called a sled,

I ran over a brand new snowman, now I think that he is dead,

He belonged to the kid, next door,

The kid saw me, now it is war,

The kid sent his Doberman to bite me; my wounds turned the snow red.

SALAMANDER SAUSAGES REPLACED THE PICKLED EGGS

They use  to keep a jar of pickled eggs, at my neighborhood bar,16

The eggs were sitting on the counter in a vinegar filled jar,

Now the jars have no chicken eggs,

Replaced by sausages with legs,

Someone decided pickled salamanders were with eggs, on par.

ADRIATIC FOUND NOME

Adriatic the real nice Martian, ended his interplanetary roam,

He settled down in Northern Michigan, in a quaint, double wide, mobile home,

His neighbors were really mean,

Their gestures were obscene,

Adriatic moved away to charming Alaska, and settled down in Nome.  

MY ROOMMATE DID A JOLLY ROGER MOVEOUT

My roommate did a Jolly Roger, and stole everything that I had,

When he moved out he took all of my stuff, with the help of his pirate dad.

I decided I would sue,

Went to court, but lost, oh poo,

I just hope my new roommate, doesn't do a pirate Jolly Roger, bad.