LOVE AND KISSES FROM WRONG TURN MICHIGAN, WHILE I'M STILL ALIVE

I live in Wrong Turn, Michigan, and every day is bad,

Every day I regret moving here, where my life is just sad,

There are no thrown kisses, and lovey hugs,

Only rifle wounds, from the rural thugs,

None think on any happy thoughts, they all scowl, and be mad.

HARD RAIN AND BIG BERRY, JUICY MEATS

My old gravel road, got washed out by the water from the hard rain,

The good thing that came from the flood; my berries had a big juice gain,

My strawberries have nice meat,

They are juicy and real sweet,

Not sure how the neighbor's doing, with that confounded, sugar cane.

THREE SPANISH BROTHERS, THEIR BRIDES AND CANDY BEARS

There were 3 little boy babies, who came from Spain,

They grew up with two parents, in the State Of Maine,

The boys opened a flower shop,

They all got real rich, pop, pop, pop,

They each married ladies, who took gummies for pain.

PART SPOON, PART FORK: SPORK

I started eating all my meals with a thing called spork,

It's kind of like a spoon with one end like a small fork,

The spork don't stab very well,

The spork leaks soup, you can tell,

And, at the end of the day, it won't pull out a cork.

WORKING CLASS CLONES

There are millions of clones wandering our fine city streets,

They work in banks, and stores and restaurants making our eats,

Do the working clones really know?

They're just a piece of so and so,

Someone should tell them, they perform their lives as copied meats.

ADAM WAS A LITTLE, HUNGRY TROLL

Adam was a cute little troll, a cute little troll, like me,

Then our Adam grew to be six feet tall, by the age of three,

At four, Adam played college B-ball,

By then, he was nearly twelve feet tall,

But, Adam was still a troll, and kept eating the referee.

41025

THE DARK SIDE OF GUMMIES

I went to Rotterdam Michigan, where they make the tastiest gummies,

They soften the workload for the busy and ambitious, daddys and mommies,

Beware gummy creep,

It may lull you to sleep,

Some deep, eye, rem sleep is really good, too much deep, rem sleep is for dummies.

KING OF MICHIGAN

The people of Michigan, crowned me their 67th king,

I am now their great monarch with a petoskey stone ring,

I eat pies full of tart cherries,

I eat cheese from local dairies,

I live in a travel trailer, and go dancing, wearing bling.

GUMMY BEARS: CANDY WITH A KICK

Sometimes I desire a yummy gummy bear, and sometimes I do not,

The reason I might desire a gummy bear, most times I have forgot,

When my brain is thick with aching despair,

I yank out a fruit flavored gummy bear,

I chew it up, swallow it down; life's a circus, and I'm a clown.

THE TORNADO EXERCISE

 tornado, and it spun around and around

I jumped into the tornado, and it took me off the ground,

Into the clouds, I took a fly,

Saw my neighbor Randy, he said,"hi",
I dropped and splattered on a roof top, and lost fifty pound.

WHAT IN THE WORLDS DOES THIS ABSURD RHYME MEAN, NOTHING?

I did not know what the reality was, until I understood the maths,

My mind got all freaky deaky, while going down dirty, multi-verse paths,

At the end of each day,

I would kneel down and pray,

I prayed to the god of the multiverse, for little soaps for multi-baths.

BLOKES, SMOKES AND CREMATED PIE

I baked a homemade, fresh raspberry pie early, last night,

I forgot it was in the oven, and the flame burned bright,

I saw no smoke before the great, pie flame,

Still, I got the biggest share of the blame,

But, my son and his 4 blokes, were binge puffing smokes, alright?

I RAN OUT OF GUMMIES AND GOT FIRED

I ran out of gummy bears, and didn't have any for a week,

So, my job performance suffered, now a new job I must seek,

I vow to never run out of gummies again,

And, I have a backup plan that consists of gin,

I don't know what to tell the wife, who thinks gummy bears, a sin.

THE SCREWWORM PHILOSOPHY

I had a screwworm deep in my brain,

It kind of tickled, there was no.pain,

Clouds unfurled into blue,

Bees and birds sang as they flew,

Screw news:  it's alright to be insane.

NOT EVERY AI CAN TRANSITION

I use to be a very productive AI,

But, I quit to become just a regular guy,

When to work I had to go,

The choo choo trains were too slow,

Guess I'll sit home eating gummies, until I die.

I GOT MY STOMACH PUMPED AGAIN, THANKS TO GRANDMA'S RANCID CHEESE RECIPE

I boiled some water to cook some old, rancid, stale cheese,

It is my favorite recipe, from my Grandma, Louise,

When the water gets hotter,

The cheese goes in the water,

When melted, drain the water, and give your hot cheese a squeeze.

To young kids out there.  Please do not cook on a stove without adult supervision, or you'll get severely injured, like me.  Also:  Never Eat Rancid Cheese.

ALWAYS LOOK UNDER THE BOAT BEFORE YOU BUY IT

Trina bought a big, beautiful new, blue pontoon boat,

She always dreamed of going out on the bay, to float,

A shock, the boat came without pontoons,

She saved boat money, for twenty moons,

To buy the pontoons, she sold her diamonds and fur coat.

NATURE CLEARS AWAY DEBRIS, THAT'S WHY THE VULTURES WILL EAT ME

I see vultures circling me, like I am a prise, 

I get it, I am dead, and they want to chew my eyes,

On the sand beach, I lay where I lied,

Big birds will soon eat away my hide,

Maybe I've been ate out by worms, "hey big birds, surprise".

WORMS THE SCREW

My cat was loaded with screwworms, and touched my face and spread her woes,

The next day I had a jillion screwworms, screwing up my nose,

My brain was getting muddy,

My clothes were getting bloody,

I decided to wash all the blood off with my powerful garden hose.

THE CARN IN THE BARN IS MY YARN

Near an old caved-in farmhouse, there was a big, red barn,

What's kept in there, I'll tell you in this story, my yarn

It is white haired, and has six feet,

It loves the human meat to eat,

It won't touch plant food, because it is an evolved carn.13