SASSAFRAS THE FLIRTATIOUS

My girlfriend, she loved to flirt,

With other men, which deep cut hurt,

My sweet Sassafras,  

Is a man's dreamy lass, 

She dumped me, and married young Bert.

BABY BOOMER + GEN X = LOVE

Benny loved joining in with the Baby Boomer scene,

He wore wild disco pants, and was disco lean,

Then he met a hot mama,

Full of Gen X, high drama,

They grew old together, with fat pants and Maybelline.  

SICK SAM THE HAM

There once was a real mean, grouchy old pig, everyone called him, Sick Sam,

He was always blowing his big, snout nose, because he was one old, ill ham,

Sam got syrup, for being sick,

And, got all well, miracle quick,

Sam became a cough syrup spokesperson, and married his sweetheart, Pig Pam.

DATING RITUALS, AND UNREQUITED LOVE

Poor old, teenager, Sad Zack, laid crying on his back,

Crying over attractiveness, Zackery, did lack,

When he talked to girls,

He often had the hurls,

Sometimes Zack would pick his nose, and offer up a snack.

HARVEY HAS NO RIZZ

Harvey The Hobo,  had complete lack of normal, human rizz,

No one wanted to be a part, of Harvey's personal bizz,

Romantic? Harvey might just be,

If one likes itch bites, from a flea,

Nobody wants Harvey love; that's on my bingo card and quiz.

BLUE DO IT TOO, PIG

If I could have a little pig, a little pig would do,

If I could have a little pig, then I would name him Blue,

We could buy candy at the store,

Come home and lie down, have a snore,

Then we could watch our romance shows, and share a good boohoo. 😭

CUTIE PIE

There once was a cutie pie,

The dear love that made me cry,

I said "oh, good grief",

Cutie was a thief,

I bid my wallet, bye, bye.

MYSTIC MERKEL PREDICTS TRUE

Psychic Mystic Merkel tells the true

About the future of me and you,

Your mom and dad, 

They hate me bad,

If we breakup, it'll be a boohoo.😭😭

HERBIE DERBY DO.

Cute little lad, Herbie,

Wore a big derby,

Hung his stylish hat,

On his baseball bat,

When he was spooning with Mrs. Zerbie.

SOMETHING ABOUT HENRY

Henry has morning fruitcake and coffee, then he does a prance dance,

Hoping his neighbor next door, will be stimulated for romance,

The neighbor does not at all care,

Something about Henry, does not square,

Perhaps if Henry took dance lessons, a romance might have a chance.

MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT

My wonderful, gentle, tender foot,

Worked long shifts on chimneys, clearing soot,

On the roof one day,

He slid fast away,

He now feeds a flower at the root.

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BE MY VALENTINE WARNING

Who wants to be my Valentine on this Monday morning,

I don't have all my marbles, so consider this your warning,

My chocolate little heart,

I will give to you sweet tart,

Then we'll shop for dishware over in the town of Corning.

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WHY SAM AIN'T GOT NO GIRLFRIEND

There once was a man named Sam,

He ate the putrefied meat from a ham, 

It made his bowels all throttle,

So he peed in a bottle,

And farted, on his girlfriend, Pam.

TRUMPET ETUDES BROKE UP THE TWO DUDES

I decided to write etudes, that were fun and fancy,

I did it for the trumpet, for my students Glen and Clancy, 

The etudes made them play real good,

Got them out of this neighborhood,

Then they had a falling out, over someone they called Nancy.

I GOT MY PHONE AND MY FREEDOM, NOW ALL I NEED IS LOVE

It was the first day of October month, and my true love says to me,

"Go out and get a job today, or I am smashing your color tv,"

I did not like the mean tone,

Since, the tv is my phone,

So, now I live roofless on the streets,  but from my boyfriend, I am free.

BARRY HAD AN OCTOPUS

Barry had an octopus, he kept out in his ditch,

Every Sunday the puss would sing, it had near perfect pitch,

The puss sang in church choir,

Only two octaves higher,

The octopus was a pretty thing, and married Rev. Mitch.

THE BALLAD OF RICHIE AVOID

With Richie, I am quite annoyed,

For where I locate, he will avoid,

He has someone brand new,

So I'm sad, boohoo blue,

When crossing paths, he treats me like a roid.

DON'T EAT YOUR SWEETIES FEETIES

I once knew this scientist named Pete,

The only thing he studied was feet,

He said what lurked among us,

Was a terminal foot fungus,

And toe jam was not fit to eat

ME AND TOAD GOT SNOWED

On the first day of May it snowed,

On the second day it blowed,

I did not care,

I live in despair,

I stayed indoors with my toad.

DAVY: A ROMANCE POEM

Davy has amazing hips,

He acquired, eating chips,

A genetic fluke, gave him fish lips,

His favorite protein is canned kips,

Guzzles beer, water sips.