ALL I HAD

All I had was a bottle of glue,

Some tuna that had turned green and blue,

Some bug that had warts,

Little twigs of all sorts,

And that's what's in your supper stew.

MY COOKIES SMELL

My cookies are tasting real funky,

And their smell, reminds me of skunky,

Of course the cookies I'll eat,

For my afternoon treat,

I'll just give them a deep coffee dunky.

WARPY, WARPY TIME MACHINE

Warpy, Warpy time machine,

Warp me to a place where I can clean,

Warp me not to a place of power,

Just warp to a place I can shower,

Warping makes one all guey-green

DINNER FOR ONE (When A Loner Eats Alone)

The meat from the can was supposed to be pork,

But, it was real chewy and tasted like cork,

So, I took a glug of my drink,

Which made my gums bleed and eyes blink,

And, the meat ran away with my fork.

JENNY FAKED CAKE

Jenny said she'd bake a scratch cake,

But, it came from a box and thus was a fake,

The frosting came from a can,

What a big fake cake plan,

And, her bragging was more than I could just take.
 

THE HALLOWEEN LEPRECHAUN LIMERICK

An evil leprechaun named Kinderbean,
Went trick and treating each Halloween,
He would steal candy bars,
He'd soap up windshields on cars,
And, in many more ways he was mean.

BARKLEY THE BUFFALO

Barkley was a buffalo,
He lived in Manistee,
And, everywhere that Barkley went,
He showed hostility,

Barkley tore up every bar,
He trampled people on the beach,
He showed road rage in his car,
His mind you could not reach,

Finally, they had to put Barkley down,
He was too dangerous and mean,
So, they chopped him up and made ground round,
Buffalo burger is really lean.

MY TIME MACHINE BROKE DOWN III

My time machine broke down in the time of Ganges Khan,
It was a time where brains had no standing against brawn,
Khan was vicious and not real nice,
He spread plague infected lice,
I brought some back but, they escaped into my lawn.

THERE WAS A SOUSE WITH A CAN OF BEANS OR, MY BROTHER TED

There was a souse with a can of beans,
My eldest brother Ted was his name,
He can do what he wants so long as the floor he cleans,
If he doesn’t then I’ll surely get the blame,

Ted is moving real slow because he was out all night,
I could punch him in the nose and he wouldn’t feel a thing,
I bet he’ll wander off as soon as I’m out of sight,
He’ll go to the bar where he can karaoke sing,

So mother’s tell your little devil child,
Not to do what Ted has done,
Ted just won’t grow up and forget being wild,
A guy like Ted is a terrible son.