THE SPACECRAFT BACK SEAT DRIVER

MARY PARTED COMPANY BECAUSE IT WAS BAD

Junior was smart, but an awfully slow starter,

Marie was faster and an whole lot smarter,

Junior got the job,

Though he was a slob,

So from the company, Marie was a parter.

MY DOGGIE, RACCOON AND THE MOON

Down from the sky came a great, round moon,

It ate my dog and pet raccoon,

It said it was going away,

Be back in 30 day,

Next time it wanted pie, macaroon. 

MY FRIEND CHARTREUSE

My friend was a booger named chartreuse,

He was born in a nose and then came loose,

He lived 40 years,

Under an eyeball, catching tears,

He was buried with his maker when his maker got the noose.

 

MAN EATERS

If you do not fastly swim,

Then your chances are near grim,

For in Michigan waters,

Live man eater otters,

Best chance is if you're fast and you're slim.

CONES AND BONES

I sat on top of a tombstone,
While licking my ice cream cone,
The cone came from a odd host,
It was the graveyard's  top ghost,
And, in the cone was his own finger bone.

THE RUBBER DUCK FESTIVAL IN BELLAIRE

The festival of the rubber ducks,

It's not for the gobbles or the cluck, clucks,

It's just for quackers,

Down pillow packers,

On the menu, roast quackers, lacking lucks.

WHAT'S IN A NOSE

There was a little guinea pig, and he always picked his nose,

Then one day he found out, just what up his nose could grows,

A pickle, squash and okra, and a big tomato vine,

A hot Hungarian pepper, and a bottle of red wine,

The guinea was inspired, so he set his nose to prose.

BENNY HAD A BIG RED NOSE LIMERICKS

Benny had a really big red nose,
His nostrils were like petals on a rose,
His drinking was fair,
But, food consumption was not there,
So, his skin was red from his head to his toes.

Benny had a big red nose,
He looked patriotic with blue and white cloths,
Benny was not really bright,
But, his nose was such a sight,
He became rich and that's how life goes.

Benny's nose was just so plush,
It gave all girls quite the rush,
Both the beautiful and the scary,
Wanted Benny to marry,
Eventhough, Benny did not like to flush.

CYRUS THE IRIS

In my garden bloomed an iris,

I made friends with it for it had no virus,

Our friendship's heading,

Led to a wedding,

Our firstborn came; we named him cyrus.

  

CRUSTY, YUMMY SACKS

I love my oven because of the crusty snacks,

I get snacks by wire cleaning my crusty racks,

I say yummy, yummy,

Crusties in my tummy,

And I save on garbage sacks.

UV PHOTONS MADE ME CRY

Photons, photons from the sky,

You can make me pretty or make me cry,

I look awesome with a deep dark tan,

But, the  extra energy I didn't plan,

I used some sunburn cream protector,

The SPF was rated by an inspector,

I'm not sure just what went wrong,

Some say I sat out in the sun and stayed there just too long.

I CHOOSE WELL; MY PIZZA TOPPINGS

On my pizza, what added a tease?

It was pepperoni and the bubbled up cheese,

It was not much of a mystery,

That soon my pizza was history,

For my toppings were chosen to please. 

THE WISEST FLY ON THE PIE

The wisest fly on the pie,
Knew to vacate after the flies caught my eye,
And, as the wisest fly flew away,
The others breathed my bug spray,
Just one fly left and he's faster than I.

I DROVE A PARTICLE ACCELERATOR

The car ahead of me went so slow I had to pass,

So, I became a particle accelerator and, put my foot down on the gas,

And, boy did I fly,

At light speed I passed by,

I came to a stop:  I collided with a tanker and split my mass.

Now, every quark in my body hurts.🤕

THE DEMON DAZE SPECIAL

It's Demon Daze at the local grocery Store,

If you are a demon, you get deep discounts and more,

You get free coffee and donut holes,

Plastic microwavable bowls,

And every 13th demon wins a prize at the door.

A PARACHUTE NOT PROPERLY WIRED

When his airplane engine expired,

Duke the aviator quickly retired,

He took a nosedive,

One he did not survive,

Seems his parachute was not properly wired.