GRANDPA SPLIT REALITY

Scientists wonder, what came before the big bang? It was sausage, eggs and cheese,

That meal massively gassed old grandpa up, then he let go an almighty breeze,

The universe split violently, into many,

I thought I was dead, and would not wake up in any,

I had to let the dog out, because in every universe my dog pees.19

TRINA AND MOMMY BACK TOGETHER AGAIN: WAR

Sister Trina moved herself back in with our mommy,

Trina lost her job dancing, when she twisted her knee,

Trina can stay through week four,

Then, Trina is out the door,

Like a country song,

They don't get along,

They both fight like two tom cats, sometimes violently,

Both my mommy and big Sister just want to be free.

BEAR HUNTING WITH LEIGH AND LEO

Leigh and Leo went hunting for the hungry, big, bad bear,

The bear had been eating many campers, in their lair,

Leo fired his big pistol first,

Leigh made his rifle barrel burst,

The bear died puking live campers, who hugged the hunting pair.

FAILURE IS AN ART

I went to Ann Arbor Town, to take an art history class,

But, no matter how hard I tried, the art class I could not pass,

The teacher played too many games,

Making me learn too many names,

The only art I ever owned, was a talking, plastic bass.

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MY MAGIC BANJO PARTIED WITH THE KING AND QUEEN

Rumpelstiltskin made a magic, shinny, tin banjo, just for me,

Then, so he could play along, he made a golden ukulele,

We played all night under a blood red moon,

The king came out and sang along, in tune,

The queen came outside, and danced along, but broke bones in her right knee..

BALLOONING WITH LEIGH AND LEO

I and Leo went up flying in a hot air balloon,

I felt we looked special, because our balloon was maroon,

Our balloon burst out into fires,

When we crossed some electric wires,

No people found our bodies, but we fed a fat raccoon.

EVEN TOADS DO IT

Like, everyone does it, even the toads,

We like to hop down, those two track, muddy, roads,

Lots of fungi to eat,

And bugs, toads call fresh meat,

The backwoods highway; free of internet codes.

BENNY GOT RETUBED

Benny used green leaves for toilet paper, and got a bad infection,

When he showed his old doctor, the doctor, quickly made a connection,

Some common green leaves, we all know,

Are poison, and cause drainage woe,

Benny stayed in the hospital, while they retubed his lower section.

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THE SCIENCE PERSON WHO DISAPPEARED

I think that it's mysterious, diabolical and weird,

I only took one science class, and completely disappeared,

I do not know where I'm at

But, there is this talking cat,

He told me I had polio, at least that is what he heared. 

LEGEND OF THE BOOGER BOGGY BEAR

In Michigan's woods, there's a creature that will eat you, before you scare,

This creature was named by early settlers, as the Booger Boggy Bear, 

Many hikers hike while humming,

Not seeing the brute is coming,

The bear seems drawn to humming, his dropped boogers is the sign he was there.

TOOTS, FOOTS, LEAVES AND ROOTS: AN ALIEN STORY

There was an alien from Saturn, with a real name of Toots,

She lacked having two, human legs, so they bar nicknamed her foots,

Foots was a fine bar hoping star,

She was different, looked bazaar,

One day, Toots went pee in a park, then sprouted leaves, and dropped roots.

CHAOS AND THE JUDGE

I tried to create some chaos, because that's the popular thing to do,

I went to a pharmacy lab, and released the rats, and the monkeys too,

I did not make it too far,

Ended up in a cop car,

My mean judge, had a chaos grudge; I got 20 years, now my crimes, I rue.

FROM DUST TO DILL

 Before the quaint, horse drawn wagon, climbed the old mill road hill,

It was loaded with dry, ancient saw dust, from the old mill,

For apartments, the mill property had been acquired,

All the employees, young and old,  were instantly fired,

The last asset, saw dust, was bought by a farm, growing dill.

THE KID WITH SQUARE HAIR

I have really rare pedigree hair,

Its curls each grow into a square,

Some say it looks pretty,

Others, give me pity,

My big sister has straight, purple hair.

MY BROTHER-IN-LAW SMELLS

My weird brother-in-law, does not feel real, darn rosy,

So, he piles into his pants pockets, some posey,

He hasn't bathed in six weeks,

His big, hairy body, wreaks,

He needs a hard spray down, with water from the hosey.

ROXXIE TEACHES THE LOUGHA HOOGHA, AT SUMMER CAMP

Roxxie The Red, got an up north summer job, as a councillor at Lake Tanganugha,

While swimming, Roxxie was attacked by a monster, a whale, like a giant beluga, 

The monster ate an arm, and swam away,

Roxxie grew a new arm, by the next day,

Then the campers and councillors came out to play, and they all danced the Lougha Hoogha.

LITTLE GARGOYLES ARE CUTE, BUT I GAVE THEM THE BOOT

I did my daily doomscrolling after midnight,

The spirits squeezed up to my body, really tight,

On all the channels I could see,

Videos strictly about me,

Fighting gargoyles, that were one tenth of my height.

AI IS TOO HUMAN

My home has been invaded by pesky, AI bots,

They insist on urinating in my flower pots,

And, whoever knew?

AI bots had to poo,

So, I send them outside to neighborhood, vacant lots.

UNCLE DR. GREW, THE DINOSAUR

I never saw a dinosaur, until I was almost ten,

Daddy caught one in our backyard, and put it in a pen,

We named the dinosaur, Dr. Grew,

After mommy's brother, who died from flu,

When Dr. Grew became house broke, we kept him in our den.

PAINT THE WEASEL AND DIE

I went out to Little Twin Lake, to find me a sabre tooth weasel.

I wanted to paint his picture on a canvass, held by an easel.

Found the weasel, and he got uptight,

Gave me a sabre tooth weasel bite,

I crawled to the road; stoped a semi-truck, which ran on stinky diesel.