DEALING WITH MY FINANCIAL CRASH

All financial schemes are doing a crumble,

While all of my stocks, tumble, tumble, tumble,

I'm vacating, the here,

Gonna drink some root beer,

And, hide, covered in my bed, feeling humble.

EDDY BITES TEDDY

I had this big pest, his name was Eddy,

He was a rat, and he pested steady,

Every night,

He'd take a bite,

Out of my sweet, pink, stuffed bear, my Teddy.

THE DAY THE ROOT BEER STOPED

I foretold that the end of the world was near,

During my lunch, when I ran out of sweet, root beer,

The internets are now trending,

Predicting all things are ending,

 I only have cola, and it don't quench my fear.

THE HUNTING TIGER IN THE SNOW

My Tiger is a kitty cat,
But, that he does not know,
He thinks he is a hunting beast,
So, I let him go out hunting  in the snow,

Alas, Tiger did not do so well,
Out hunting in the snow,
He ended up back at my front door,
Inside he wanted to go,

I let indoors my shivering pet,
He ran to his bowl, a well filled dish,
After that he took a nap,
My hunting Tiger full of tuna fish.

PP04172023

THE OLD PEOPLE DREAM, AND THE REAL

I dream of eating a whole stick of rich butter,

Once I can afford to move, from this pee gutter,

But, there's no jobs about,

For this geezer with gout,

Last time I fell down, it left me with a stutter.

MILK+ MEOW+MOLE=KITTIES.

Dominick had a really pretty milk cow,

She made lots of milk for Dom's cat named, Meow,

Meow shared her milk bowl,

With her tom cat named, Mole,

Soon there were six kittens, and Dom knew not how.

MORNING OFFICE TREATS

Apple Fritters Monday is how the usual morning, work week starts,

Apple fritters are sweet and greasy, full of sour, fruity tart, tarts,

Fritters are an office win,

But seen as a fat, flab sin,

I like Peanut Brittle Tuesdays, but the brittle yields many farts.

CONSUMING CORN WITH FRIENDS

Four dudes, sitting by some flames at the beach, were eating sweet corn,

After fire toasting, they used butter and salt, to adorn,

It was corn stuck on cobs,

Drippings made all dudes slobs,

They went back to their town lives, where the next working day is born.

KIMMYCOSS GOES TO JAIL

I built me a domestic robot, and named it, Kimmycoss,  

One day it turned on me, and pinched me, and it became my boss,

It demanded eggs each meal,

None in the store, so I steal,

When cops stoped by to arrest me, Kimmy gave the cops a toss.

MY TINY INCOME, MY TINY FARM, MY TINY LIFESPAN

The government has ordered me, to start subsistence farming,

There's little food in the stores, and tiny farming is charming,

I would like to completely pass,

But, I'm the sinking, worker class,

If I work until I'm dead, who important is it harming?

SPRING FORWARD TIME TRAVEL 👎

I dislike it when the Spring clock gets moved forward, one hour,

It clearly disrupts my time traveler super power,

It hurts my quantum brain,

My thoughts drift to insane,

Now, we're all fighting, over our a.m. scheduled shower.

DOOMSCROLLING CLICKBAIT UNTIL DOOM

I waste all my days, and all my nights, doomscrolling clickbait,

I especially watch clickbait, full of iconic hate,

This life will not last,

It light beams by fast,

Why am I web watching anger, when there's sun downs to rate.

I'M IN THE BELLY OF A LITTLE ANT

I sat down in my yard, and many fire ants attacked me,

They were all biting, and kept biting, they would not let me be,

They found me next dawn,

All my flesh was gone,

One little fire ant,  big burped, doing a belly drag, flee.

A TALE OF TWO TUNA TUBS

I bought two tubs of tuna, and found one stinky, rotten, yesterday,

I had left it in the basement, about 16 months ago, I'd say,

The other tuna tub,

Was used to make my sub,

I'm sure I made a massive tuna melt, and that's what I now convey.

POOR GRAMMAR BLOCKING; AT LEAST THEY DON'T BLOCK FOR SPELLING

I have been blocked across the entirety of the world,

Not because of foul words that I have recently unfurled,

All my overnight, blog drama,

Based on how I used a comma,

The nasty, cruel comments, left my hair permanently curled.

JIMMY AND THE BARTENDER BEAR

Jimmy moved all the way to Mars, but he did not like it there,

Until he met a nice, large friend, called the Margarita Bear,

The Bear worked at the Far Mars Bar,

His bartending made him a star,

The Bear was cuddle fury, while Jimmy only had nose hair.

BEST TASTING THING IN THE GARDEN, THE GNOME

For family dinner, I cooked a small, garden gnome,

When I fried his little giblets, he begged to go home,

"I'm awful hungry", I said ,

" Your prolly already dead",

Then his greasy giblets, started to pop and to foam.

"

THE BOOMER GENERATION (LOST IN PLACE)

My big beautiful spaceship, I launched into the air,

I am very afraid that it will need some repair,

Once above a high cloud,

It went"Boom!" kind of loud,,

Big chunks of falling metal, might mess up someone's hair.

SPIKEY SAM'S HAM, JUICE AND JAM😠

We once had a baby, and his name was Spikey Sam,

He liked to sip orange juice while he ate eggs and fried ham,

As egg prices went eagle high,

I could no longer make that buy,

Spikey Sam had to settle for fried ham, toast and jam.

JIMMY TOILET BELLY

Jimmy had some string beans from a can,

They made him puke, now them, Jimmy ban,

Jimmy is a putzy punk,

He eats lots of veggie junk,

At days end, to the toilet, he ran.

I HAD A BEER WAGON, WITH DEER

I bought me a wagon and a couple of reindeers,

The deers haul the wagon, while I sell cups of warm beers,

For violations, I'm arrested,

My long term patience, will be tested,

I will be sitting in prison for maybe, ten years.

TULIP TIP TOEING AND THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

I tip toed through some tulips, and got my foot caught in a bear trap,

I use to love the tulips, but as of now, I'm very unhap,

I will rot away amongst pretty flowers,

My nutrients giving them super powers,

It will not be long until I bleed out, and then my life's a wrap.

DOOMSCROLLING

I've been very, seriously doomscrolling, all the week long,

I watch doom and gloom, while listening to a doom and gloom, song,

Many say I'm a nut,

But I do know what's, what?

Many say I waste my time, and my twisted brain worms, are wrong

EATING THE MOUTH FOAMER ON EASTER DAY

The big rabbit I shot has rabies, is he still safe to eat?

I promised the kids a rabbit for an Easter dinner treat,

It's kind of sickly, spongy meat,

Maybe kill the rabies, with heat?

I'll try feeding it to grandpa, then with the kids, I'll repeat.

TRINA AND HER ANIMAL HIDE

Trina went to Alaska to buy a reindeer carcass coat,

 But, the only coat that fit Trina, was one made out of goat,

Trina's goat skin coat looked real fine,

Until, she spilled on it red wine,

Trina couldn't get the stain out, so to the goat tanner she wrote.

GOOBERS AND JOE

My kids are eating couch found goobers, because I'm all out of doe,

I went outside to dig for taters, but the tates are in deep snow,

At the top of the hill

I did spy a roadkill,

I will not tell the next door neighbors, that we dined on their cat, Joe.

A FLYING FRY CAN PUT OUT AN EYE

The meal I made had become weaponized,

The kids were fighting each other with fries,

Surrounded by missile booms,

I sent all kids to their rooms,

I stand determined that nobody dies.

SONNY GOT MY TOOTH, BUT THE DEVIL GOT MY SOUL

My tooth really ached after I ate some pudding cake,

I tried to pull the tooth, but all it did was break,

For dental work, I had no money,

I called for help, my buddy, Sonny,

He dug out the tooth, then angels, my soul, did take.

GET LOCKED IN, AND DING DONG A WIN IN LINEAR ALGEBRA

Before an exam, I get my brain matter locked in,

By ear-budding some music, that channels me a win,

I chose a special song,

That wakes my brain, ding-dong,

Once my test is done, I have a pizza for my din.

THE RED RECKONING FOR DEAD SNOW

I went riding on my snowmobile; it is also called a sled,

I ran over a brand new snowman, now I think that he is dead,

He belonged to the kid, next door,

The kid saw me, now it is war,

The kid sent his Doberman to bite me; my wounds turned the snow red.

SALAMANDER SAUSAGES REPLACED THE PICKLED EGGS

They use  to keep a jar of pickled eggs, at my neighborhood bar,16

The eggs were sitting on the counter in a vinegar filled jar,

Now the jars have no chicken eggs,

Replaced by sausages with legs,

Someone decided pickled salamanders were with eggs, on par.

ADRIATIC FOUND NOME

Adriatic the real nice Martian, ended his interplanetary roam,

He settled down in Northern Michigan, in a quaint, double wide, mobile home,

His neighbors were really mean,

Their gestures were obscene,

Adriatic moved away to charming Alaska, and settled down in Nome.  

MY ROOMMATE DID A JOLLY ROGER MOVEOUT

My roommate did a Jolly Roger, and stole everything that I had,

When he moved out he took all of my stuff, with the help of his pirate dad.

I decided I would sue,

Went to court, but lost, oh poo,

I just hope my new roommate, doesn't do a pirate Jolly Roger, bad.

I WILL JOLLY ROGER YOU

Just to pay my rent and car payment, I have to work long and hard,

 I just can't make any minimum payment, on my bank, credit card,

My CC is for transport, and noodle food,

I steal my internet, from the next door dude,

Maybe I'll be a porch pirate, and Jolly Roger that dude's yard.

LARGE STAKEHOLDERS TRY TO FORCE ME TO RETIRE

I journeyed to the Carpathians to become a real vampire,

Ever since I was a new born, sucking fresh blood was a desire,

I drink down blood that's red,

I big burp after I'm fed,

I avoid people with wooden stakes, because they might make me retire.

FEEDING POOR KIDS POE

I was so darn hungry, I started eating fresh, fallen snow,

I flavored it with weed seeds, that didn't cause me poisoning, woe,

I flavored the kid's snow with lime juice,

Told them the the snow was magic goose,

Then I read to them "The Tell Tale Heart", by Edgar Allen Poe.

SUSTAINED BY THE EARTH AND SEA

I cannot afford eggs, but I got some egg shells for free,

They fell from a nest, underneath my weeping willow tree,

The egg shells were baby, sky blue,

The color excited my stew,

I flavored it with salt, harvested from the coral sea.

PRICE ANXIETY AT THE GROCERY STORE

I drove down to the grocery store, and walked through it twice,

Everything was too high priced, even the beans and rice,

I thought at least I could afford bread,

That was a fantasy in my head,

I couldn't afford any bread, if I bought it by the slice.

MY SCHOOL PAPER IS AN AI SUCCESS

My skill in writing papers is very ugly, a catastrophe, bad

My graded papers come back, with an emoji face that's eye bawling, sad,

I bought a paper wrote by AI,

It was so brilliant, I had to cry,

I received an A+, and teacher fan fuss, and my win made brainies mad.

EVIL UNDER THE BARN

There's a crawlspace underneath the old, stone barn,

Something bad lives there, and if it gets you, Darn!

It has sharp, smelly claws,

Big toothed laden, huge jaws.

The old beast creeps over a bed of hot skarn.

I DULLED MY HOOK ON A SALMON, AND THE CRAPPIE GOT AWAY

I lost another crappie fish, off my hook,

It was a sneaky fish, and my worm he took,

My rusty, old hook, ain't very sharp,

Because I used it, fishing for carp,

When I hooked a salmon, a great big Chinook.

THE DOUBLE HEADED EAGLE

There was a double headed eagle, that use to sit in my apple tree,

The eagle use to eat the apples, but the apple tree died, recently,

The two heads spotted every small worm,

The eagle liked to catch and make them squirm,

I loved to watch the eagle hunt worms, while I sipped my chamomile tea.

MURRAY THE GOAT COUGHED UP...

Murray ate everything, because he was a goat,

That is how Murray got a fur ball, stuck in his throat,

Murray had eaten a straw hat,

The hat was home to a big rat,

Murray coughed up a fur ball, and his owner's remote.

THE BEER GARDEN TROUT BLUES

Every time I catch a trout, it is too dinky, so I throw it back,

I want to catch a large keeper, so I can give its head a big rock whack,

My big eyes shed tavern tears,

While nursing my bar tab beers,

I wish I could have fish to fry, once I track home to my shack.

ELYSIUM LIVES IN MY CHICKEN COUP

My  bestest friend Elysium, went to take a withdrawal from their bank,

Elysium lost all of their money, because the bank was in the tank,

The bank made zero credit, mortgage loans,

Invested in refurbished, flip flop phones, 

Broke, Elysium moved into my chicken coup, although the smell is rank.

LEONARDO IN MY TREE

I saw Leonardo da Vinci sitting in my dead, apple tree,

He was painting an unflattering oily portrait of little me,

I told him his painting stops,

Or I was calling up cops,

Leo ran down to the boat yard, but six cops tackled him by the sea..

APOCALYPSE HUNTER

Although they're easy to catch protein, do not eat too many rats,

They will give you big gas bubbles, and their meats are full of bad fats,

I eat rats five times each week,

Then other vermin, I seek,

Sometimes I will eat bird, if I find them before, the feral cats.

AN EGG SUBSTITUTION GONE BAD

I was going to bake my kid a nice birthday cake,

But the supermarket had no eggs, for me to take,

I subs some baking soda,

It choked my kid named, Rhoda,

When can I get some fresh, laid eggs, oh, for goodness sake?

INVESTOR WORRY AND DREAD

I invested heavily in hot stocks,

I also bought some gold and silver rocks,

I fretted my brain away,

Until the end of the day,

Always looking at the movement of clocks.

BLOWDART SEASON FOR DINOSAURS

I went hunting real dinosaurs, but I did not see a one,

You can only hunt them using a dinosaur, blowdart gun,

You have to hit them in the heart,

With a fresh poisoned, blowdart

If your dart misses the heart, then you had better start to run.

POEM OF THE SPACEMAN

I am so stuck on this planet, earth,

Been stuck here since my mother gave birth,

It is:  on earth born, on earth bury,

Yet, I feel interplanetary,

Peasants deserve earth; it's space I'm worth.

KING ONLINE

I got an online notice from my king,

Seems I've been saying the wrong kind of thing,

He said I'd better speak nice,

I should heed his advice,

Or in the prison choir I will sing.

THE SAND HILL OF BEETLES, SEEDS AND BABIES

I am a little orange beetle, climbing up a sandy hill,

I am crunching on some little seeds; can't seem to get my fill,

Once at the top,

I will not stop,

I'll eat down the other side; maybe I'll mate, and have a thrill 

BEAR BABIES AND LOVE

I had a gigantic, stuffed panda bear, named Sammy,

He married my cute, stuffed koala bear, named Tammy,

They had an alpha cub,

His name was Bubba Bub,

Bubba married a polar bear, her name was Pammy.

TRINA WENT TO CANADA

Trina went to Canada, to buy herself some maple candy,

Trina bought a Canada cap, for her dear, big sister, Sandy,

Trina flew across the Meridian,

Because she is a real Floridian,

Trina made it home by noon, to open her bottle of brandy.

PHOENIX, BEANS AND JEANS

Phoenix is a great big pit bull, and he likes his navy beans,

I mix in a little meat, and about 1/2 cup of greens,

Phoenix sleeps in my kid's bed,

Phoenix farts, oh dread, oh dread,

If that isn't bad enough, Phoenix chews holes in all our jeans.

BAD LUCK UNCLE LEE

My Uncle Lee has been acting very weirdo, strange,

Ever since Uncle got that slight case of doggy mange,

He also caught a pox, 

While confined in detox,

He's also lost his savings, playing the stock exchange. 

BAD ECONOMY, CHEAP RENT AND THE NUTTER

The economy is in the sewer, not the gutter,

I sold all my golf clubs, including my office putter,

To have rent that's nearly free,

I moved in with Uncle Lee,

He is crazy; the exact definition of "nutter".

THE PLASTIC PLANT AUNT

I love my plastic, indoor palm tree plant,

I inherited it fro!m my dearest, sweet aunt,

It does not mind, colder or hotter,

It can stand the lacking of water,

Can it melt in the front window? It can't.

FOOD INSECURITY, ARE NICE WORDS THAT MEAN STARVATION

Because of severe economic, downturn inflation,

My family's food stores are all gone like a castration,

Gone are foods in cans and the jars,

Food I found in the seats of cars,

We're eating bark and grass, out of hunger, desperation.