THE HIGH COST OF PRETTY FLOWERS

Leprechauns and unicorns and trolls; they all have to eat,

When they spy me working in my yard, they think of me as meat,

I must clean my springtime flowers,

To cause growth by springtime showers,

I just can't stay inside; so fairy critters will have a treat.

31323

MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT AND I, SWAMP CAMP

We're home; my gentle tender foot and I,

To our Bayou, tent camp, we said goodbye,

We had an invader,

A ten foot alligator,

The alligator gave us each, the eye.

LEFTOVERS

All the food in my fridge is in rapid decline,

The juice is all fuzzy, and has turned into wine,

The potatoes are a dark green,

The chicken has a shiny sheen,

Last months popular pork roast, is growing a vine.

041124

MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT

My wonderful, gentle, tender foot,

Worked long shifts on chimneys, clearing soot,

On the roof one day,

He slid fast away,

He now feeds a flower at the root.

41024

ATTACK OF THE VOLES 2

The cruel voles are sneaking into neighborhoods,

Towards the little village of Chewy Woods,

Once they are there,

No shrub they will spare,

Nurseries will be bare of live garden goods.

BEAR TRAP

They may smile, and seem quick to please,

Those bears skulking out beyond the trees,

They want a nice warm meal,

Walking meat has appeal,

When it comes to them with willing ease.

DAVE WALKED HOME IN THE SNOW STORM

The cold hit and hurt David's face,

Like a blast of cold bear mace,

His eyeballs got puckered,

Dave's bod ached, and was tuckered,

To get home, he had to pick up the pace.

BALLAD OF THE DILLY DOGS

Patches and Checkers were two dilly dogs,

They pretended to be rabbits, squirrels and frogs,

Then one pleasant day,

A cougar came their way,

Patches and Checkers, were soon two cougar logs.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF PATCHES AND CHECKERS

THE INSATIABLE COUGAR LIMERICK

A cougar kept scratching at my door,

I fed him the kids, but he wanted more,

So I let him into my house,

He scarfed down my spouse,

Then he bit off my head, I feel sore. 

BENNY FED HIS GUEST A BIG MEAL

Benny did not see the bear that entered through the door,

Benny did not hear the bear, because Benny made loud snore,

Benny was quite a deal,

At 300 lbs, he made a meal,

After the bear was feeling full, he took a nap on Benny's floor.

MEAT, THE IN-LAWS

Henry had a wolverine, he raised it from a small pup,

Now Henry cannot feed the critters 24 hour sup,

So I took the critter off Henry's hands,

Set it free on my northern lands,

I told my in-laws they could camp for free, if they should come up.

A PACK OF COYOTE ALMOST CHEWED MY BONES

I went to the woods to find animal skulls, for props on Trick Or Treat,

I forgot the woods  has lots of coyote, and bones they like to eat,

I ran into a pack of those dogs,

They knocked me down, by piled logs,

I almost was their next meal, but I grabbed a stick, and gave them a beat.

A BIG CAT BOUNCE

A great big snow tiger, chased frightened Santa in his sleigh,

The reindeer team had been drinking, and could not fly away,

When the big snow tiger pounced,

Off Santa's belly he bounced,

Into a train and Santa sang "Na, Na,Na, Na, Hey, Hey...".

MY GATOR WANTED MY TURTLE

My pet gator had those food, lustful eyes,

When upon my pet turtle, he spies,

It was a sure fate,

That my turtle got ate,

He tasted good in my soup, surprise.

BARRY WAS SO SKINNY THAT HE LOVED THE EXTREME HEAT

Barry was really young and very skinny,

So to him, the extreme heat was a winny,

His parents would whine,

But, Barry felt extra fine,

Until, while swimming a shark bit off his finny.

MY GOLDFISH PLOTS

Methinks my goldfish now plots my demise,

I can see his deceit in his black, blinkless eyes,

What gives me a real creep,

Is he sinks down into the deep,

And, I know someday from the deep he will rise. 

WOLVES IN THE WOODS LOVE HOTDOGS IN THE HOODS

It was the 4th Of July and the wolves in the woods,

Were eating all campers, wearing red ridding hoods,

They smelled like hotdogs some say,

Of the campers, tagged for prey,

Seems like red hoods, taste like hotdog roasted goods.

DON'T FEED THE BEARS, ESPECIALLY YOUR HUMAN PARTS

When you see a bear, I know you'll have to stroke his nose,

But don't be afraid, when it seems his sharp teeth grows,

When you walk away from the bear, do not feel alarm,

Just because you may notice, you are missing half your arm,

Being friendly with a bear, will lead to tears,and woes.

THE COUGAR LIKED HER S'MORES

Katy was a mountain lion, who really loved to eat,

She only snacked on campers, because campers are so sweet,

Katy would eat the campers down to their cores,

For campers taste like stacks of s'mores,

Katy left plenty for her baby lions, so they could get a treat.

THE BACKWOODS BEAR POEM

The bears are hungry and out eating again,

Best be good and not mess with the abominable sin,

Some bears live in cabins, some live in deep throated caves,

But all bears eat the campers and make them scat fill for graves,

Don't think for an hour that you can out clever a bear,

Because he's coming right for ya, when he smells underwear,

Bears always eat people, bears never human detox,

For human flesh is much sweeter, than that of cow or the ox,

So twist and turn and stay awake in your bed,

For if you doze away, a bear will eat you dead,

Now enjoy your camping in our bug infested backwoods,

And hold tight your old precious, when you pass through bear hoods.