TRINA AND THE HAIR DRYER SAGA

Trina used a big hair dryer to dry her runny nose,

She burnt up her nose hairs, the ashes fell upon her clothes,

Her fancy white blouse was stained black,

So, Trina slipped into her shack,

Trina changed to a clean blouse, and clipped in her hair, two bows.

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MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT AND I, SWAMP CAMP

We're home; my gentle tender foot and I,

To our Bayou, tent camp, we said goodbye

We had an invader,

A ten foot alligator,

The alligator gave us each, the eye.

I AM BADGER EDIBLE

I'm glad that badger did not rip off both of my hands, that way I can still feed my chickens,

Too bad that old badger tore up both of my legs; the right leg, it still hurts like the dickens,

The wolverine is much meaner,

But, he cuts through your bones cleaner,

I stay plump by frying my birds in bacon grease, or that badger would of had slim pickin's

BALLAD OF THE DILLY DOGS

Patches and Checkers were two dilly dogs,

They pretended to be rabbits, squirrels and frogs,

Then one pleasant day,

A cougar came their way,

Patches and Checkers, were soon two cougar logs.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF PATCHES AND CHECKERS

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APOCOLYPSE COW

I was sleeping on the ground, when awakened by an apocalypse cow,

It was trampling on me, and my internal organs were bleeding out, ow,

I have been killed by a lowly, old cow, I fear,

Not a raging bull; nor a cantankerous steer,

After my bones were all busted, I was eaten by a glutinous sow.

ANYBODY HEARD ABOUT THE SHELL FISH LAW?

I guess shellfish are now illegal to eat, eat,

I pick shell fish up all the time for a treat, treat,

Surprised, I got a hale of stones,

Breaking both blood vessels and bones,

Finally, it stopped when my heart wouldn't beat, beat.

FACE VS THE MAPLE TREE

I ran my new bicycle into a big maple tree,

I lost all my front teeth, and some stored brain cell history,

In the hospital bed, I bled,

From the gaping holes in my head,

I hope that I heal fast, so back to biking I will be.

MOTH MAN VAMPIRES BITE

I always felt the biggest danger from the moths,12

Was their desire to consume many of my cloths,12

It seems moths have blood desires,8

Months are ravenous vampires,8

We will now provide moths with foamy, red, blood broths.

WHEN THE BEAR POUND, I GO UNDERGROUND

I heard a loud pound, pound, pounding on my door in back,

It was a grizzly bear, wanting his afternoon snack,

The old grizzly wanted me,

To digest in his belly,

I hid in the basement, because courage I did lack.

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MONSTERS WITH CLAWS

I use to have four giant, sharp claws,

They gave other clawed monsters, a big pause,

Opponents got rip shredded,

Disarmed, and then beheaded,

That kind of bleeding won't stop with just gauze.  

AND THE ANGELS SING, "HARK"

Deep, deep down in Lake Michigan water, where it is horribly, dark,

I swam straight into the big, smelly belly, of a hammerhead, shark,

In that big, hammerhead belly,

Was a stinging fish, a jelly,

I died, and now with the angels I sing, their favorite tune, called, "Hark".

TALE OF THE MONORAIL SNAIL

There is a great, green, goober, garden snail,

The snail rides the Michigan monorail,

He has a toothy jaw,

Iconic, sharp claw,

With that jaw and claw, he ain't hunting kale.

THE LION AND THE BEAR, GAVE THIS FISHERMAN A SCARE

I walked to the other side of the lake, and a lion was there,

He started eyeing me real good, as did his buddy, the big bear,

I took my walk, to catch a big fish,

I cast out my line, and hooked my wish,

I tossed my fish between the two beasts, and ran home, like a scarred hare.

ELECTRIC FAIRY LIGHTS, OR TIKI TORCH? MY KID LIKES ONE, LOTS MORE

I could not find my fairy lights, for my weekend cookout, on the porch,

I looked all through my garage, and settled for those tiki with the torch,

Of course things became dire,

My house burned down in the fire,

Every time my kid sees any fire, the earth she tries to scorch.

WARNING, KIDS:  DO NOT PLAY WITH FIRE

JIMMY TOOK A FERRY BOAT

Jimmy took a big ferry boat, out to see the amazing, Michigan, Sioux Locke's,

The Sioux Locke's were so very frightening to see, Jimmy sweat wet, his new, blue socks,

The Ferry was called, "The Abigail",

Powered with motors, not a wind sail,

The Abigail sank, losing passengers and crew, when it hit Canadian rocks.

I'M IN THE BELLY OF A LITTLE ANT

I sat down in my yard, and many fire ants attacked me,

They were all biting, and kept biting, they would not let me be,

They found me next dawn,

All my flesh was gone,

One little fire ant,  big burped, doing a belly drag, flee.

MY ROBOT AI APP IS CRAP

My kind robot named Terry,

Has become very scary,

I thought I'd give it a try,

I installed an app, AI,

Now at me, he is all starey. 

Neighborhood Turkey Alert🚩👮😲🦃

The neighborhood wild turkey, grew and grew and grew,

When he would bite a neighbor, he left a nasty boo,

He grew near fifty feet tall,

Could step over any wall,

I had to put him down, when he ate my best friend, Stu. 

I DIES BECAUSE OF BEADY BUG EYES

100 billion, billion beady eyes, were staring up at me,

That was the ugliest bug I ever saw, sitting on my knee,

Then, he spit into my mouth,

After that, things went south,

For his spit was deadly poisonous; my ashes were dumped at sea.

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I MINDED MY BUSINESS, AND GOT FREE MEAT🙈🙉🙊🍖

I saw a wolverine, dragging by the feet, my neighbor down the street,

My neighbor screamed really loud, but the wolverine was going to eat,

I knew I should stay inside,

Went under the bed to hide,

Next day, the wolverine thanked me for silence, and bribed me with some meat.

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