JOHNNY RINGNECK

Johnny Ringneck was a pheasant,
He was hunted by a peasant,
Johnny dodged bird shot, 
Which he did quite a lot,
But, Johnny lost some feathers in his crescent. 

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HE FRANKED AROUND AND FOUND OUT

Frank was bald as a marble, yet coveted thick, long hair,

Frank was inspired, when he eye spied, Big Benny The Bear,

Frank went hunting for Benny,

The hair?  Frank didn't get any,

But, Benny with his claws, skinned Frank, and made skin underwear.

APOCALYPSE HUNTER

Although they're easy to catch protein, do not eat too many rats,

They will give you big gas bubbles, and their meats are full of bad fats,

I eat rats five times each week,

Then other vermin, I seek,

Sometimes I will eat bird, if I find them before, the feral cats.

MAY 1ST: OPENING DAY OF THE MICHIGAN DRONE SEASON

It was the earliest part of the month of May,

I went drone hunting, one crystal clear, cold day,

With my shotgun named, Morris

And my two hound dog chorus,

We picked off a drone that came in from the bay.

A VENISON CHRISTMAS

I spent my Christmas morning, hand feeding red apples to the deer,

I petted every single deer, showing them they need not fear,

My next door neighbor, Mean Joe,

Shot every buck and doe,

He's been cutting up venison, I hope he brings some over here.

SQUIRREL FOOD

I shot a squirrel that was up in a tree,

I will eat squirrel meat, when I have my tea,

You know what's what's,

I found his nuts,

I will chew on his nuts, when I watch tv. 

SQUAIL

I recently, went hunting for the elusive squail,

It's about 1\3rd squirrel, and 2\3rds of a quail,

It has the flavor of nuts,

Yet, smells like chicken butts,

I cover up with hollandaise sauce, garnished with kale.

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THE DEER HUNT AND THE BAT LIMERICK

I climbed up a tree to hunt deer with my bow,
A big buck I targeted and was good to go,
But, the tree where I sat,
Was the home of a bat,
I then panicked and shot off my big toe.  

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TWO MEN AND A SUITCASE

Two men had a suitcase full of contraband beer,

They brought it in from Canada in their trunk rear,

It was good beer, but moved bowels,

Best keep near lots of towels,

It was a Canadian special made for hunters of deer.

THE HUNTERS WENT HOME

When the hunters at deer camp went out chasing the deer,

The deer doubled back to deer camp, and drank all the beer,

When the hunters finished their roam,

They packed up and went home,

Saying, "No deer, no beer, I'm not here."

HUNTER MORTY FEEDS HIS HUN

Morty got a deer today, so now his hunting is done,

He packaged up his venison, and locked away his gun,

His freezer is full of venison and cherries,

Blue, and black and red raspberries,

And ten cases Ding Dongs, that he'll be sharing with his hun.

DEER CAMP AND TOWNIES

At deer camp, we eat our spaghetti and chili dinners,

Then off to the local bar, and we party like sinners,

First we eat Bob's good brownies,

For strength to brawl with townies,

We never get any deer, but in our minds we're big winners.

THE WOLF HAD A BONE TO CHEW, AT DEER CAMP

I drove way up north to our deer camp, and it was most insane,

My friends all went to a secret deer camp, via an aeroplane,

I sat by the fire, alone,

Here comes a wolf, chewing a bone,

He said the place to get a deer, is the tracks, where runs the train.

GRANDPA, HIS RUG, AND MAY GRANDMA RIP

My grandpa once shot a big butt bear,

Gramps made a rug out of the bear hair,

He made a throw for the bed,

Even a wig for his head,

That gave grandma a heart attack scare.

I BOUGHT PROPERTY TO HUNT ON

I signed a purchase agreement, and bought a tiny, country lot,

All it has for a bathroom is a deer blind, and a two quart pot,

There is no place to sleep,

Except under the stars, or in my jeep,

I did find a roadkill deer, I'd eat it, but it's got some rot.

APPLES FOR DEAR MEAT

Benny went out to pick apples, this day,

So the winter famine, Benny could keep away,

But, the apples were gone,

Ate by a doe and her fawn,

So, Benny chews on venison all day.

BENNY AND THE SALMON RUN

Benny was waiting, with his bow, arrows and quiver,

As the mighty king salmon, went running up river,

Benny took an easy shot,

At a big salmon, half-rot,

Shooting dead fish, made meals easier to deliver.

A BIG SQUIRRELY DECISION

I decided I was going out in the woods to hunt squirrel,

I took along with me my favorite hunting hound, Pearl,

But the squirrel was big and mean,

Ten foot tall, maybe 15,

We runs back to my old shack,  so we could hide and curl.

DEAR CAMP.TWO (Nature Does That Reckoning Thing)

I went to dear camp and I got a big scare,

My face was chewed off by an old grumpy bear,

I tried running,

But the bear wasn't funning,

He made me a scat pile of bones and red hair.

MY SHOTGUN EXPLODED IN MY FACE

My shotgun exploded in my face,
Even though, I had duct tape in place,
And, just like last year,
The explosion scared off the deer,
Maybe, a new shotgun will draw me an ace.