I DREAM OF MAKING HONEY BUNS

I got my filthy hands on some fresh honey buns, and oh, they were so good,

I love the sweet taste of the honey buns, that are made in my neighborhood,

They are are always honey yummy,

And, fit perfectly in my tummy,

Some day, when I am older, I'll make honey buns, for now, I just cut wood.

RETAIL IS DETAIL; IT HELPS IF YOU ARE BANANAS

I use to clerk in a produce store, and I cut and cleaned the lettuce, good,

Next, I placed the lettuce in the display case, stacked exactly, as it should,

I stacked the apples on a table,

Faced out the variety label,

I stacked bananas, and marked down over ripe ones, for making breads and pud.

FROM DUST TO DILL

 Before the quaint, horse drawn wagon, climbed the old mill road hill,

It was loaded with dry, ancient saw dust, from the old mill,

For apartments, the mill property had been acquired,

All the employees, young and old,  were instantly fired,

The last asset, saw dust, was bought by a farm, growing dill.

THE WALKING CAREER DAY

I once worked in a factory, and oh, what a bore,

I once checked out groceries at a grocery store,

I worked in cable news,

Got hooked on the booze,

I now bounce people like me, out a taverns backdoor.

THE OLD MAN IN THE SHOE WILL PAINT YOUR BOUEY

My full name is Little Uncle Huey,

I live in  a old beer stinker, shoey,

I have lived here for lots of years,

Raised a family; many tears,

I'll paint a Monet on your bouey.

JERK AND PERKS

I dreamed I was a employed, as a soda jerk,

Way back in the 1950's, when there was such work,

I'd be a one man team,

Who sold real cold ice cream,

What I sloped on the counter, I'd lick up, for my perk.

THE SNAKE, THE LOAD AND THE CODE

Benny bought a python, so he could learn to write some computer code,

The python squeezed poor Benny so tight, Benny lost his big, colon load,

Our poor Benny, he did pass,

The snake died, from Benny gas,

Moral: When you squeeze someone way too hard, then poison gas may explode.

PRICE ANXIETY AT THE GROCERY STORE

I drove down to the grocery store, and walked through it twice,

Everything was too high priced, even the beans and rice,

I thought at least I could afford bread,

That was a fantasy in my head,

I couldn't afford any bread, if I bought it by the slice.

THE PLUMBER OF TAILS

I'm a plumber in Michigan, and that's what I do,

Ever since I lost my plumb job, back when they closed down the zoo,

With my mop and my pail,

I'll clean anything's tail,then

I expect tips and a recommendation, my name is Lou.

BEAR CUT

I moved to Clare Michigan, to be a cutter of hair,

Things were going very well, until in walks a Clare bear,

I cut some hair off the top,

Then the big bear yelled, "Stop!",

I wanted to cut much more, but I didn't think I should dare.

COB-CORN AND THE HAPPY DUDE

Uncle Lee scraped up all the gum, that people had chewed,

People left gum all over, and in places, so rude,

But, it gave Lee a paying job,

Then he could buy corn on the cob,

When Lee ate buttered cob-corn, he was one happy dude.

UNCLE LEE IN THE HOOD

Uncle Lee worked on a garbage truck, and picked up garbage all day long,

While Uncle Lee picked all the garbage up, he would always sing a song,

The hood leaders did complain,

Lee's voice brought their ears great pain,

Uncle Lee stoped his singing, but thought the hood leaders, were mean and wrong.

MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT

My wonderful, gentle, tender foot,

Worked long shifts on chimneys, clearing soot,

On the roof one day,

He slid fast away,

He now feeds a flower at the root.

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MARCO GOT BANNED

Marko is very bitter,

Since he's been banned from Twitter,

A down toilet seat omiter,

His hair is all green glitter,

He is a doggy sitter.

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VERN THE INTERN AND LOVE

There once was a TV intern named Vern Benderback,

He always ate his cheese balls from a brown paper sack,

Vern was married twice,

Both times got head lice

It seems real relationships, Vern could never hack.

SANTA MAY NOT HAVE REIGNDEER, BUT AT LEAST HE HAS HIS STALL

Jimmy was short and tubby, and he had the Santa call,

So he got a job as Santa, working at the Midtown Mall,

He worked there for fifty years,

Made enough money to buy his beers,

Jimmy did get a reserved toilet, they named it Santa's Stall.

SOMETIMES MOZART HELPS, SOMETIMES MOZART DON'T

Ron sat on the toilet while listening to Mozart,

Ron thought through osmosis, it would make him real smart,

Ron had a chemistry test,

Yet, if Ron did his best,

He'd still end up growing old at an all night gas-mart.

WHAT I'VE DONE SINCE HIGH SCHOOL

From my burgers grease is dripping,

At the fast food place I'm burger flipping,

It's been my lifelong career,

Due to my counselor steer,

And, the teachers I spent my time ripping.

PEOPLE WHO DON'T USE TOILET PAPER, GET THEIR OWN OFFICE

Jumbo couldn't find the toilet paper, so he went back to bed,

He figured if a day starts nasty, the day was full of dread,

At noon, Jumbo got a call,

From his workmate, named Paul,

It seems, Jumbo the great slacker, was made the department head.

DENNY PAINTED POTS

Denny the pot painter was famous in these parts,

His purple painted pots, won the pot critics hearts,

He was a great painter,

Of the pot container,

For extra money, he would clean grocery carts.