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Showing posts with label HUMOR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HUMOR. Show all posts

Saturday, March 16, 2024

HOLIDAY TRAFFIC LIMERICK

The holiday traffic got kind of speedy,
For those going to resorts were all chill pill needy,
But, they brought with them lots of cash,
To fix their rides after a crash,
And, have money left to stay at someplace not too seedy.

52922

CONDUCTOR'S LAMENT: "IF ONLY EVERYONE WERE LIKE THE TRUMPETS"

July second is finally at hand,
Time to rehearse the July forth marching band,
While the drums bang away,
Tubas ompah all day,
The trumpets fanfare on command.

7223

Friday, March 1, 2024

THE PATHS ON MY CARPET

The paths on my carpet grow deep and grow large,
It's like someone leads daily a cavalry charge,
And, whatever is led,
Smells at least six months dead,
Now I'm being evicted by my landlady, Marge.

041723


Thursday, February 29, 2024

BRAIN PUDDING

I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.

6718

UNHEALTHY LIVING LIMERICK

Mark ate pigs-feet for his dinner meal,
They were greasy which was the appeal,
Eating lean, like turkey,
Is not that tasty,
Like pigs-feet and corn-fed fat veal.

123121


Monday, February 26, 2024

WHO HAS THE BLUEST MOON? LIMERICK

Nightly News Blue Moon
My Blue Moon
So, last night's moon was big and blue,

It was still not much worth looking to,
And, for ten minutes of views,
I missed the night news,
Where they showed the moon in a much bluer hue.


10222




Sunday, February 25, 2024

THE SKUNK WHO LOWERED HIS CHOLESTEROL

Derek the skunk liked his eggs in the morn,
So he went into the chicken coop where the eggs were born,
Then the chickens got mad,
And treated poor Derek bad,
So Derek breakfasted by eating field corn.  

71721

Saturday, February 24, 2024

THE DEER HUNT AND THE BAT LIMERICK

I climbed up a tree to hunt deer with my bow,
A big buck I targeted and was good to go,
But, the tree where I sat,
Was the home of a bat,
I then panicked and shot off my big toe.  



3118

Thursday, February 22, 2024

I WILL BE ONE WITH THE LAWN

The doctor said to me, soon I'd be all gone,
I would probably not make it, until dawn,
Tainted preserve spread,
Was making me dead,
I'll soon be greening up a small plot of lawn.

Wednesday, February 21, 2024

FORSAKE ME NOT MY JELLYROLL

Forsake me not my jellyroll,
I need said roll to guide my soul,
The flavors are Zen,
It's perfection, a ten,
Glazed bread with a sweet fruit-filled hole.


21422

 

Tuesday, February 20, 2024

THE ANIMAL LANGUAGES RHYME

My turtle named Herman could speak only German,
My pet fish Louise spoke just Japanese,
My little pet finch could speak only French,
My dolphin named Wendy only spoke Hindi,
My pet snake named Vanish spoke nothing but Spanish,
My big goose named Maelic just spoke words in Gaelic,
My tame honey bees conversed Portuguese,
My doggy named Patton knew no words but Latin,
And, Albert the cat just listened and sat.    

22024


WHEN THE FIRST BIRDS BUILT A NEST JIMMY CHEERED

When the first birds built a nest Jimmy cheered,
For the winter lasted longer than he feared,
His food was all gone,
He had no stuff left to pawn,
All he had left was to chew on his beard.

32422

Friday, February 16, 2024

THE BARGAIN STORE

I went shopping for bargains at the bargain store,
But, when I wanted a bargain I ended up paying more,
I went consumer empowered,
But, with high prices got showered,
I came home with high priced items and poor.



82916


Monday, February 12, 2024

MY TAINTED TUNA

My tuna fish was kind of tainted,
With blue and green dots it was painted,
Although, it was my main course,
It smelled like sweat from my horse,
With the garbage the tuna was acquainted.  

8721

Sunday, February 11, 2024

JIMBO'S CHICKEN COOP FIRE

When Jimbo's chicken coop caught fire,

The chickens escaped over the chicken wire,

But, they didn't get anywhere,

They were all ate by a bear,

Now, Jimbo's chicken farm's future is dire.


4222
COOP

Tuesday, February 6, 2024

A PONEY NAMED PENELOPE PIE

There was a pony named Penelope Pie,
Down every race track she would fly,
She was owned by Pap Herbie,
He entered her in the Derby,
When she lost she had a really good cry.

91421


Friday, February 2, 2024

I TOOK OUT MY BOAT TO SLAUGHTER FISH

Out upon a bit of sea water,
I took my boat for fish to slaughter,
But, I hit a big wave,
Found a watery grave,
Where I fed a hungry sea otter.


5114


Sunday, January 28, 2024

WHY ARE MY PIGS SO SKINNY LIMERICK

Why are my pigs so skinny and so small?
Everyone else's pigs are so fat and so tall,
My pigs are food spoiled,
With soft eggs all boiled,
No garbage from food courts at a mall.



121921


Wednesday, January 17, 2024

BROTHER BRAT

My trumpet notes are really flat,
Since my brother beat it with a bat,
He beat my oboe on the floor,
And slammed my trombone in ma's truck door,
My big brother is a bully brat.

P08302023










Monday, January 15, 2024

A TIGER SAT DOWN LIMIERCK

A tiger sat down in my dining room,
He said his hunger would be my untimely doom,
But I was thinking much quicker,
And knowing tigers can't hold their liquor,
Gave him some scotch; the tiger passed out and fell, boom!