The holiday traffic got kind of speedy,
For those going to resorts were all chill pill needy,
But, they brought with them lots of cash,
To fix their rides after a crash,
And, have money left to stay at someplace not too seedy.
July second is finally at hand, Time to rehearse the July forth marching band, While the drums bang away, Tubas ompah all day, The trumpets fanfare on command.
The paths on my carpet grow deep and grow large, It's like someone leads daily a cavalry charge, And, whatever is led, Smells at least six months dead, Now I'm being evicted by my landlady, Marge.
I don't mind being called a Hypocrite,
I often say one thing then, do the opposite bit,
Ideas, my mind can't hold,
My brains are pudding I've been told,
But, I'm not the one having a fit.
Mark ate pigs-feet for his dinner meal, They were greasy which was the appeal, Eating lean, like turkey, Is not that tasty, Like pigs-feet and corn-fed fat veal.
Derek the skunk liked his eggs in the morn, So he went into the chicken coop where the eggs were born, Then the chickens got mad, And treated poor Derek bad, So Derek breakfasted by eating field corn.
I climbed up a tree to hunt deer with my bow,
A big buck I targeted and was good to go,
But, the tree where I sat,
Was the home of a bat,
I then panicked and shot off my big toe.
Forsake me not my jellyroll, I need said roll to guide my soul, The flavors are Zen, It's perfection, a ten, Glazed bread with a sweet fruit-filled hole.
My turtle named Herman could speak only German, My pet fish Louise spoke just Japanese, My little pet finch could speak only French, My dolphin named Wendy only spoke Hindi, My pet snake named Vanish spoke nothing but Spanish, My big goose named Maelic just spoke words in Gaelic, My tame honey bees conversed Portuguese, My doggy named Patton knew no words but Latin, And, Albert the cat just listened and sat.
When the first birds built a nest Jimmy cheered, For the winter lasted longer than he feared, His food was all gone, He had no stuff left to pawn, All he had left was to chew on his beard.
I went shopping for bargains at the bargain store,
But, when I wanted a bargain I ended up paying more,
I went consumer empowered,
But, with high prices got showered,
I came home with high priced items and poor.
There was a pony named Penelope Pie,
Down every race track she would fly,
She was owned by Pap Herbie,
He entered her in the Derby,
When she lost she had a really good cry.
A tiger sat down in my dining room, He said his hunger would be my untimely doom, But I was thinking much quicker, And knowing tigers can't hold their liquor, Gave him some scotch; the tiger passed out and fell, boom!