THE NOSE HAIR SOUP LIMERICK

After work at the restaurant where I recoup,

I found several nose hairs in my noodle soup,

The manager sought to entice,

He charged me only half price,

And, I tied the nose  hairs in a great big hair loop.

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FRED THE RED HAS GONE TO THE BAY

I had to box and bury my bestest friend, Fred,

My favorite goldfish, only he was more red,

He's now swimming today,

In a heavenly bay,

With all my other goldfish that I have found dead.

I TRIED SECURING A DATE WITH THE TASTIEST SCONES

I tried securing a date with the tastiest scones,
I recited poetry in soft monotones,
But, my lady chose another,
In fact, he was my brother,
Because of his strong pheromones.

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MY PET GATOR

My pet gator is covered with dots,
Yet, I gave him all of his shots,
But, he likes to eat weasels,
And, from them he caught measles,
Now, his poor belly is tied up in knots.

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ANTIQUE RAFTING

While I rafted down a creek,
My rubber raft ripped a big leak,
Then dry-shore I tried to seek,
But cold water made me swim too meek,
Soon my washed-up bones will be antique.

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THE BONE PICKER LIMERICK

Ted turned a pretty profit in bones,
He picked them up in a pit full of stones,
Skulls and teeth he'd unbury,
Some looked handsome, some scary,
But none as scary as his student loans.

3122

TONY'S FISH SANDWICH LIMERICK

Tony's fish sandwich was all full of bones,
They got stuck in his throat and gave Tony moans,
Tony's next sandwich was jelly,
Which put aches in his belly,
Now, Tony just licks ice cream cones.

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WHY I HAVE NO CHAIRS LIMERICK

My relatives eat just pasta and beans,
Hence, in my family there aren't any leans,
So when one sits on a chair,
The weight it won't bear,
I'd buy more chairs but, I've run out of means.

112221

IN THE SHALLOWS THERE BE TURTLES

Four little fish were having such fun,
Swimming beneath the bright morning sun,
They swam in the shallows,
Which turned into a gallows,
The turtles ate every single one.

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MY TURKEY WOULD NOT STUFF

When stuffing my turkey, my turkey would not stuff,

I think it was the stuffing that made the job so rough,

I tried stuffing the bird with juice,

But, as stuffing juice is loose,

After stuffing the bird a third time, I decided I had enough.

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THE FIRST CONTACT HAIKU

Spacecraft, hovering, lands,

Open door, monster, ray gun,

Zap! Ouch! Alien probe! Ouch!!!

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I WENT TO THE MARKET AND BOUGHT ME SOME TROUT

I went to the market and bought me some trout,
I didn't cook it enough and had a belly-ache bout,
I will never, ever eat fish,
Even, as a side dish,
But, I will eat a pig's feet, ears and, snout. 

6615

QUIGLEY'S FAMILY CAME FROM OUTER SPACE

Quigley's family came from outer space,
They lacked human components like feet and face,
But, the world was fooled,
For the kids were home schooled,
While, the Quigleys dined on the human race.

121920

STICKER TICKER SHOCK

I went to buy meat and was shocked by the sticker,
The price was so high that it shut down my ticker,
When revived, I went to the bar,
And received one more jar,
At the price I was charged for my liquor.

71122

THE BEN MADE BISMARKS LIMERICK

Ben made bismarks until he was fired,
He didn't use the filling that was required,
It was such a big  waste,
He filled bismarks with toothpaste,
It was not the filling the public desired.

Z1616

BANKING, FRANKING, THE MARKETS AND ME

I lost my money in shadow banking,
While the markets rose my account was tanking,
Of course when the markets eroded,
My account  then imploded,
Now, I invest in collectible franking.

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MY SOCCER CAREER ENDS WITH PAIN

I got a terrible concussion,
Playing soccer against the team of the Prussian,
I took a ball to the brain,
But, I felt little pain,
As off to the hospital I went rushin'.

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I WENT TO CHUM'S CORNERS TO HAVE A NIGHT OUT

I went to Chum's Corners to have a night out,

I stopped into the gas station to see what it was about,

I bought a slice of pizza and a large soda pop,

Then left the gas station for a more happening stop,

I went to the hardware to check out the sales,

I bought a new hammer and ten pounds of nails,

I bought a bird feeder and ten pounds of bird feed,

Then I left the hardware for I felt a new need,

I went to the market to get some popcorn to pop,

It was after 8 p.m., time to go home and flop,

But I still needed excitement, at least just a bit more,

So I stopped at the Chum's Corners' local video store.  

7622

THE ELEVATOR LIMERICK: GOING DOWN

John's elevator went down so very fast,
When it hit ground floor he lost his meal last,
All the potatoes and gravy,
Ended up on poor Davy,
And, Susie enjoyed a steak from John's past.

32122



 

HOLIDAY TRAFFIC LIMERICK

The holiday traffic got kind of speedy,
For those going to resorts were all chill pill needy,
But, they brought with them lots of cash,
To fix their rides after a crash,
And, have money left to stay at someplace not too seedy.

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