A PIGS LIFE FOR ME?

Jim was feeling old, turning gray, worrying about every farm dollar,

While Jim's fat pigs roll, oink and screech, like "happy campers", rolling in their squalor,

Every single day,

All they do is play,

Jim decided to join his happy pigs; the castration caused Jim to holler.

I WILL JOLLY ROGER YOU

Just to pay my rent and car payment, I have to work long and hard,

 I just can't make any minimum payment, on my bank, credit card,

My CC is for transport, and noodle food,

I steal my internet, from the next door dude,

Maybe I'll be a porch pirate, and Jolly Roger that dude's yard.

UN-RETIREMENT

I once retired,

Soon in debt, I mired,

The kids, food they required,

A really warm home, I desired,

Back working, caffeinated and wired.

MUDDY BLOOD, BUT PROBLEM SOLVED

I went broke buying online subscriptions, and had to sell blood,

My blood was rejected, because it looked too much like mud,

I sold the kidney on my right,

Had to do it, money was tight,

Now, I've inherited a fortune from my Great Grand Uncle Bud.

MY DOCTOR TOLD ME

My algorithms are not good,

The doctor told me that I should,

Stop eating pot pies,

Try some exercise,

Pay him with cash, and not firewood.

NO.CABLE BILLS, LEAD TO TV THRILLS

Jeff was enjoying himself, while watching tv,

Jeff was so happy that his cable was free,

His apartment neighbor next door,

Ran cable under the floor,

And, that is how our happy Jeff, came to be.

HOMELESS AND LOOKING FOR A STABLE RELATIONSHIP

I'm due to make a house payment, but I've got a fun joke to play,

I'm not going to make the payment, by the scheduled payment day,

I felt real lucky, and of course,

Bet my payment on a quarter horse,

I will try to move into the stable, if the horse says I may.

DOCTOR

My doctor said, doctors once cured people by making them bleed,

I replied that modern doctors make people bleed, because of greed,

My doctor didn't look happy,

And he gave me a face slappy,

Then he billed me for the slap; said that therapy, I need.

THE FABLE OF THE SLOB WITH NO JOB

My IRS tax bill was amazingly tall,

Even though, my paycheck revenue was extremely small,

So, I quit my old job,

To stay at home, be a slob,

Then the bill collectors started to call.

MORAL:  

While thinking you've out thought the system is cool,

BUT YOU CAN'T!

That's why they call it a "system,"  you fool.    

CLARITY OF MIND

Today I had a "clarity of mind,"
I realized that I was in a real bind,
My taxes were due,
My insurances too,
And, no money could I find.

CLARITY OF MIND

Today I had a "clarity of mind,"
I realized that I was in a real bind,
My taxes were due,
My insurances too,
And, no money could I find.