CAN'T GO WRONG WITH PAISLEY

I bought a new, clearance hoodie; it had a paisley design,

I thought I would go show it off, at the local dine and wine,

I knew I must look really stunning,

As patrons laughed, their tears were running,

I know that when I choose paisley, my social creds, will be fine.

THE SECRETS OF FABULOUS RANDY

Mr. Randy had a tailor too,

And a man who cut and stitched each shoe,

Dear, old Mrs. Fox,

Knitted Randy's socks,

His coat came from a cow that went "moo".

CONTAMINATED GROCERIES, NOW MY CLOTHES MIGHT FIT

Bugs have laid eggs in my food, because my windows have no screens,

That is why I have those maggots, swimming in my pork and beans,

There is a fuzzy worm,

He's chewing my wheat germ,

Maybe I should just diet, at least I'll fit my skinny jeans.

TRAMP FOOD AND DREAMS

I have animal blood and sugar, to flavor my potato, tonight,

I do not have any so called money, but I am still eating alright,

Soon, when my belly gets big,

 I will be fat, like a pig,

I'll have to unbutton my trousers, for they will not be snug, but tight.

TRINA AND THE HAIR DRYER SAGA

Trina used a big hair dryer to dry her runny nose,

She burnt up her nose hairs, the ashes fell upon her clothes,

Her fancy white blouse was stained black,

So Trina slipped into her shack,

Trina changed to a clean blouse, and clipped in her hair, two bows.

COUCH PANTS

Jimmy had pants made of real nice Naugahyde,

Only pair that exists, and I've never lied,

His mama was poor,

Couldn't shop at a store,

Made Jimmy's pants from a couch, sitting outside.

JIMMY DRESSED FOR SPORT

Jimmy played several sports,

He would always wear sport shorts,

His clothes were green,

Stayed mostly clean,

He wore white on tennis courts.

SAMMY PAINTS HIS BODY

Sammy painted all his toe nails, and he painted them all pink,

Then on his face he tattooed a birdie, and used a light blue ink,

And Sammy tattooed a kangaroo on the back of each bun cheek,

Then Sammy cut out two holes in his jeans so, friends could have a peek.

CYRUS LIKES TO.LOOK NICE, MORE

Jimmy dreams of pumpkin and pie,

Dean dreams of peanuts, roasted dry,

Harry dreams of almond milk,

Cyrus dreams of shirts, all silk,

They all dream of food, except Cy.

WHAT GROWS?

Mini Ta Ta picked her nose,

She wiped the booger between her toes,

Be it a dragon or a rose,

She wanted to see just what grows,

Then she'd pick out pretty hair bows.

THE BENCH PAINTS MY TRENCH

Pardon my stench,

But I sat on a bench,

Unlike my home stoop,

It was covered in poop,

The poop stuck to the back of my trench.

THE TOO TIGHT TIE KNOT

My airway was cut off by my ties too tight knot,

Usually, I leave it loose but this time I forgot,

My boss let me lie on the floor,

For three days, maybe four,

Then had me removed when I started to rot.

 

MORRIS THE GANGSTER HAD ONE PRETTY SHOE

Morris had a pretty shoe,

He had only one, but needed two,

So he planted his shoe deep,

Then two shoes he did reap,

And both Morris wears around with his crew.

I FISH FOR FOOTWEAR

I went out trolling and caught me a boot,
It fit well so I trolled for a suit,
Now, all I caught was a shoe,
But, it was red, white and blue,
So, I gave it a naval salute.