ALL I NEEDED WAS A BIG BLACK HOLE

I just read on my tablet, scientists believe we live inside a big, black hole,

My life is already horrible enough, but this new news is taking a toll,

Oh, woe is the me,

I'll never be free,

I've got late bills, and back alimony to pay, now a black hole surrounds my soul.

IF YOU BUY MYSTERY MEAT BURGERS, BUY EXTRA TP

I bought the family hamburgers, made out of Michigan mystery meat,

It smelled a lot like that big bloated possum, I scraped up off our pristine street,

The mystery meat was tender,

We were hungry, remember,

Hours passed, then we all ran for the toilets, with no hope of making the seat.

FATHER SMELLS BEST, NOW

My family said I was too stinky, and I had to take a shower,

They gave me a soap on a rope, and declared it had great anti-stink power,

I showered the entire night,

Until my eyes touched early light,

My family said my stench didn't make them sick, so we could eat at the same hour.

I WAS ONCE "OLIVER" IN A PLAY, BUT THAT DIDN'T HELP ME ON DONUT HOLE DAY

I ate all the free, sample donut holes in the bakery, there must of been four score,

I was still hungry, so like Oliver Twist, I went up to the front, and asked for more,

I could not get out another short utter,

Before they threw me into the gutter,

Then, the store owner came outside, and told me I was permanently banned from his store.

PEACHES: FROZEN DEAD IN SPACE

I was traveling to another world, when my spaceship engine puked, and it died,

I won't be going anywhere ever, because my warp engine components are fried,

My environment is becoming quite hostile,

I'll freeze frosty, hard dead, in a little while,

I just hope my peach tree orchard back home, is taken care of by my neighbor, McBride.

NORTHERN MICHIGAN CUISINE: A REPTILIAN PERSPECTIVE

I'm A Northern Michigan crocodile, I eat tourist for din,

Sometimes I will eat kids and women, but mostly I eat adult men,

Their bones are nice and crunchy,

Fun eats for super or lunchy,

Crocodiles have the right to eat people; no law says it's a sin.

MY FAMILY GOT RICH, AND I BECAME BEAR SCAT

I bought lots of life insurance, in case I got eaten by a bear,

I then got ate by a bear, but the wife and kids did not really care,

Insurance paid a million dollars in money,

Their dark days of mourning me, turned  very sunny,

The wife bought a much younger man; the kids each bought a crib in Bellaire.

MY BEST FRIEND BIT THROUGH MY JEANS, THEN RAN OFF WITH A GIRL

I use to have a pet weasel, I raised, and I named my weasel,  Sammy Poo,

You would have to be really careful, or he might take a bite right out of you,

He once bit through my Levi britches,

That's when he gave me 18 stitches,

One day, Sammy ran off with a weasel girl; he was all grown up, who knew?

DADDY CLEANS FISH (EYES WIDE OPEN)

Daddy told me that fish don't feel any pain, when you scrape off all their scales,

He said fish just feel a soft, soothing tickle, when you pull out their entrails,

Daddy said the fish all think it's really funny,

When you cut off their heads and the blood gets runny,

But, those fish head eyes looked really mad, so I rushed them out to the garbage pails.

THE THREE BEARS GOT HORNED

Three fierce Michigan, grizzly bears, went hunting the great unicorn,

They said the meat tastes best, if the unicorn has a big horn,

When they caught up to the huge, horned beast,

The big bears pictured having a feast,

The unicorn horn punctured each bear, making the bears unborn.

TRINA SAYS IT HURTS TO CHEW, AND HER DENTIST CHEWS HER OUT

Trina went to a new dentist, and was told her mouth hygiene was very poor,

Trina had to purchase a new tube of toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, floss and more,

When Trina chewed her food, it hurt,

So, she went to her dentist, Bert,

After Trina spent money to buy stuff for her teeth, Trina's mouth still felt sore.

MOZART'S TIT SINGS

There was a little titmouse chirping in a tree,

The little titmouse chirped and chirped, a Mozart melody,

It was the Turkish March, chirped he,

He chirped Mozart, repeatedly,

Now that tune repeats in my head, and my brain cells can't break free.

122323