I'M AN EGGHEAD WHO SCOOPS POOP FOR A LIVING

When I was admired as a scholar,

I never made one single whole dollar,

My mind was prepared,

Yet, nobody cared,

I'm paid to walk dogs leashed to a collar.

FAILED AUTHOR UNLOADS FOR 6-7 YEARS

I once wrote a romantic, gothic novel; it never saw the light of day,

I sent it to a publisher, he shredded my work, and sent it back, my way,

My weak heart was so broke,

My pillow got a soak,

I got a job in retail unloading trucks, for 6-7 years, I'd say..

IT WAS 6-7 DAYS

It took me a total of 6-7 days,

To find a local job, that in real money, pays,

Down at the local sand beach,

I'm now called, "volleyball teach",

I get paid in fast cash, plus I soak up sun rays.

SQUIRREL OBLIGATIONS (THE NUT)

The little squirrel had a nut that had grown, so very big,

He had to cut off his cable, and his bad habit, the cig,

He didn't buy new shoes,

And, swore off the booze,

He took overtime at his day job, and looked for a side gig.

THE WAY IT WAS, BEFORE I SOLD FROG

I use to have a store job, and  work daily, but got laid off from the store,

The owner said, he could not buy stuff to sell at a profit, anymore,

For some food, I sold my stuffed frog,

To pay rent, I video blog,

I only wish my world would return back, to the way it was before.

MORNING OFFICE TREATS

Apple Fritters Monday is how the usual morning, work week starts,

Apple fritters are sweet and greasy, full of sour, fruity tart, tarts,

Fritters are an office win,

But seen as a fat, flab sin,

I like Peanut Brittle Tuesdays, but the brittle yields many farts.

BAD ECONOMY, CHEAP RENT AND THE NUTTER

The economy is in the sewer, not the gutter,

I sold all my golf clubs, including my office putter,

To have rent that's nearly free,

I moved in with Uncle Lee,

He is crazy; the exact definition of "nutter".

I WORK AT THE JERK

I finally got me some paying work,

I'm head cook at a restaurant called, Jerk,

We serve only jerky,

In our sauce called, murky,

We serve just fowl, mainly chicken and turk.

I ASKED FOR A VACATION, AND WAS TOLD WHERE TO GO

I told my boss, I was living in a simulation,

To heal and get real, I needed a nice long vacation,

He gave neither a laugh, nor smile,

Told me, out his door, I should file,

I shuffled back to my little, cubicle workstation. 

COB-CORN AND THE HAPPY DUDE

Uncle Lee scraped up all the gum, that people had chewed,

People left gum all over, and in places, so rude,

But, it gave Lee a paying job,

Then he could buy corn on the cob,

When Lee ate buttered cob-corn, he was one happy dude.

THE PAISLEY SUIT

To work, I wore my brand new paisley suit,

That very day, my boss gave me the boot,

He said never come back,

It was a permanent sack,

"Get your ugly suit out of here, now, scoot."

I LOST MY JOB IN AEROSPACE

My boss kicked me hard, down the unemployment path,

Because my employer required I do math,

But not too long out the door,

I got work moping a floor,

On weekends at the zoo, I scrub down the giraffe.

MARCO GOT BANNED

Marko is very bitter,

Since he's been banned from Twitter,

A down toilet seat omiter,

His hair is all green glitter,

He is a doggy sitter.

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CLAUDIUS THE CLOWN IS SAD

Claudius the clown, was a very, very stupid man,

He could not learn to tie his shoes, nor open a Spam can,

It was said, Claudius the clown,

Couldn't tell a smile from a frown,

He got fired by the circus, and got a lifetime ban.

SOMEONE STINKS

At work Steve always wore a mask,

Even to do a simple task,

His workmate, Punk,

Smelled worse than skunk,

In wretched aromas, Punk did bask.

MONDAY, I'M OFF TO WORK

Monday morning I am soar,

I am tired and could sleep some more,

I was a weekend rowdy,

My mind is still cloudy,

I can't remember how to open the door.

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SPEEDY

It was often, almost never said,

That anyone worked as slow as our Fred,

He worked so slow,

Didn't start or go,

But he'd smile, when he drank and got fed.

GERBIL JONES AND DRONES

I have a little pet, named Gerbil Jones,

I let him chew on all the chicken bones,

When he turned five and twenty,

I figured I fed him plenty,

Now he delivers packages, by flying delivery drones.

JIM'S JOB INTERVIEW IS GOING TO STINK

Jim's French perfume had gone all skunky,

It smelled worse than the pee of his pet monkey,

Jim was due for an appointment,

And had no underarm ointment,

It's a job interview, and Jim's chances are sunky.

THE COOKIE SQUIRREL AND THE NUMBERS GAL

My sister was always working her trig,

While I ate Newtons made out of fig,

I called her a bright girl,

She called me a squirrel,

She got a great job, while I only got big.