LIMERICKS AND STUFF By Leigh Collin Brandt
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Showing posts with label
spoiled
.
Show all posts
Showing posts with label
spoiled
.
Show all posts
Tuesday, May 7, 2024
MY JUICE WAS TAINTED, WHO KNEW?
My ruby red grapefruit juice, tasted a might, tad off,
I drank just one sip, and I started hacking, cough, cough,
I was whisked far away,
For a hospital stay,
Where, I was fed coffee, toast, and some slimy brown broth.
Friday, April 12, 2024
THE BEAR AND THE MAYONNAISE
My mayonnaise had an odor, so I set it outside my backdoor,
A grizzly bear ate the whole jar, he died, with a whimper, and no roar,
My mayonnaise did the bear no good,
Poor big critter, from my neighborhood,
I took the empty jar into town, to get money back from the store.
41224
Thursday, April 11, 2024
LEFTOVERS
All the food in my fridge is in rapid decline,
The juice is all fuzzy, and has turned into wine,
The potatoes are a dark green,
The chicken has a shiny sheen,
Last months popular pork roast, is growing a vine.
041124
Sunday, February 18, 2024
MICKEY THE PICKY
Mickey The Picky, was a big, meany grouch,
He laid around and complained, from his stuffed couch,
That made mom and dad,
Fell terribly sad,
So they gave Mickey many coins for his coin pouch.
HENRY IS SICK
Henry ate a great big plate of green, raw, frozen clams,
Henry barfed at the fun party at the house of Sam's,
Henry walked his way back home,
Past where was the Silverdome,
Henry remembered the Lions win, against the Rams.
21824
Saturday, January 27, 2024
I ATE BARGIN KIPPERS
I found some fresh caught kippers on clearance sale,
They had not been cleaned, and were in a tin pail,
They were kinda smelly,
Some were a bit swelly,
I cooked them in sauce, and chased them down with ale.
Sunday, December 3, 2023
HARK, THE GURGLING GERD
Listen, hark, the carrot angel food cake,
With chocolate frosting, I did two take,
Later I heard,
Gurgling gerd,
All who ate cake, got a bad belly ache.
Monday, March 27, 2023
BAD MACKEREL
Mostly mackerel was in the can,
Along with stones, and a rubber ban,
It was dry and chunky,
And not cracker dunky,
The fish was all green, and not at all tan.
Saturday, November 26, 2022
It's Christmas, And There Ain't No Pleasing My Kid
I went out and found a Christmas tree,
It stood straight and tall, at 6'3"
I sawed it down,
Hauled it back to town,
My kid, she insisted I set it free.
Sunday, November 13, 2022
HENRY'S RUN
Henry ate tainted pork, then said he couldn't stay,
So he ran to the toilet which was two blocks away,
He ran into a nun,
That ended his run,
Henry now smelled of poor hygiene, so the nun made him pray.
Saturday, November 12, 2022
PUS ON MY BAGEL, NO THANKS
My bagel had no cream cheese, so I put up a fuss,
The diner said they had no cream cheese, because it turned to pus,
I felt a shame,
Putting the diner to blame,
Then I went back driving, the town local passenger bus.
Friday, February 4, 2022
JIM, THE CUTTER OF CHEESE
Jim cut the cheese before every meal,
To most of the family, Jim's cheese had no appeal,
But he always made more,
Had an abundant store,
He'd share cheese at work, like he was a wheel.
Wednesday, April 21, 2021
MY HAMBURGER SMELLED A LITTLE FUNNY TODAY
My hamburger smelled a little funny today,
It smelled like a toilet with a whiff of bug spray,
I'm not a real fussy lad,
So, I ate what I had,
But, tonight I'm afraid I will pay.
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