NEVER COMFORT A HURT GATOR

I stopped my pickup to see about giving a gator, aid,

He was gimping down the highway, near the old pinball arcade,

I asked him, "you're dragging your foot,

Did y'all catch it on a root?

The gator gobbled me down; that's how my kindness was repaid.

I RIDE THE WILD BEAR

I walked into a dark, deep cave, and saddled up a big, black bear,

Some call me extremely brave, others think I need a brain repair,

I rode the bear to mum's,

Stoped at a store for gums,

I rode the bear at a steady trot, so mums neighbors, he wouldn't scare.

OH THE TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE, WHEN JUICY FLIES WE COULD RETRIEVE

Sneed was a spider, and a big, giant spider was Sneed,

He wrapped his webs throughout the house, for he was full of greed,

Greedy for the big, fat, flies,

Ones with eyeballs, full of eyes,

Sneed would suck out the juice from the flies; I couldn't watch the deed.

IN NATURE, SIZE MATTERS

Winter came and brought misery, misery, I am told,

It blocked the paths of all creatures, and suffered them, the cold,

Cold hurts the face, and ears, and icy little paws,

It favors those with talons, teeth and sharpened claws,

I'm a bear napping in my cave, and on that life I'm sold.

INFESTATION: SHARP TEETH IN BED

The bedbugs teeth are sharp, and real long,

And, Denny rolled upon the bugs, wrong,

The mad teeth bit in,

Broke wide, Denny's skin,

The Denny Dirge is our local song.

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THE RIP TIDE PIG

The rip tide is pulling this pig, out to the deep sea,

Where all the great killer sharks will be waiting for me,

They'll see my pink belly,

All full of pig jelly,

The sharks will be swarming for tender pork that is free.

AT THE END I AM PILES

I fell off a cliff, and looked down at big, sharp, nasty stones,

I knew that soon upon them, I'd be bleaching my broke bones,

Then I saw a tiger,

A lion and a liger,

I knew I'd soon be in scat piles, with scat pile tones.

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THE GRIZ AND THE SAUR WENT TO WAR

I looked down from a bridge, and saw a huge dinosaur,

He was fighting a grizzly; it was an animal war,

The big grisly got on top,

Gave old dino-face a bop,

The dinosaur ran away, while the grizzly gave a roar.

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AFTER DEATH, I AM WITH MY PET

A hungry tiger escaped from the zoo,

He ate up my pretty, pet cow, named Moo, 

I feel really blue,

The cat ate me too,

I and my pet cow, became tiger poo.

WHEN A GOOD WOLF GOES BAD

A big, bad breathed, wolf walked arrogantly, into our school,

When the bad wolf ate the gym teacher, we kids thought it was cool,

Before we could boohoo, 

He ate all us kids, too,

Eating a teacher is one thing, but eating students is cruel.

TWO LITTLE MINK AND THE BOBCAT

Two little mink ran around the lake, eating dead fish that washed up on the shore,

The little mink ran into a bobcat, then the two little mink were no more,

After chewing mink bones,

The cat napped on beach stones,

After napping, the bobcat looked for food, because his belly begged for some more.

THE LION AND THE BEAR, GAVE THIS FISHERMAN A SCARE

I walked to the other side of the lake, and a lion was there,

He started eyeing me real good, as did his buddy, the big bear,

I took my walk, to catch a big fish,

I cast out my line, and hooked my wish,

I tossed my fish between the two beasts, and ran home, like a scarred hare.

THE EAGLE AND THE KITTIES, ONE, TWO, AND THREE?

There is a great, big eagle, sitting up in my backyard tree,

He sits there staring down upon, my new cat that I named, Three,

Both my One and Two kitty,

Went missing, what a pity,

Now, I stay close with my shotgun, and the big bird lets Three be.

CHEMICAL PLANT + ALLIGATOR + TOURIST = HORROR STORY

There is a local alligator, I believe his name is Sammy,

He ate a roasted tater, along with that missing tourist, Tammy,

Sammy lives in a deep, dark ditch,

The water's warm, but there's a glitch,

It runs off from a chemical plant, and the water makes you whammy.

THE BIG CAT LOOKS AT ME FUNNY

When cast upon me, is a tigers eye,

He be thinking, onion ring, or French fry,

And, what of my meat?

What parts should he eat?

He's dream tasting the leg, wing, breast and thigh.

THE TOAD, FROG TONGUE SONG SUNG

I once knew a toad, and he was very young,

He had a toad body, but a long, frog tongue,

His tongue lashed out to the sky,

As he caught every fly,

That's when I wrote down, this new song I just sung.

EATING MISS MAISY

I'd often take my cow, Maisy out on a woods walk,

She'd soothe me with soft moos, while I unwound with thought talk,

One day, a lion came by roaring

I left Miss Maisy, she was boring,

The lion was  wanting cow, that's the one I would stalk.

I'M IN THE BELLY OF A LITTLE ANT

I sat down in my yard, and many fire ants attacked me,

They were all biting, and kept biting, they would not let me be,

They found me next dawn,

All my flesh was gone,

One little fire ant,  big burped, doing a belly drag, flee.

MY TREAT: THE BADGER DROPPED HIS MEAT

I found a small sliver of meat, when I went out my back porch door,

That badger must or left it, when he murdered that squirrel, at four,

It was a special treat,

I had something to eat,

But the only flavoring I had, was a bitter apple core.

I MET HER IN MANCELONA: COUGAR EYES AND BAD BREATH

I went to Mancelona just to see where it is at,

The only thing I found there was a female, cougar cat,

The cougar decided to eat,

I had blubber, but not much meat,

I think amongst cougar cats, eating tourists is so, brat.