I MET HER IN MANCELONA: COUGAR EYES AND BAD BREATH

I went to Mancelona just to see where it is at,

The only thing I found there was a female, cougar cat,

The cougar decided to eat,

I had blubber, but not much meat,

I think amongst cougar cats, eating tourists is so, brat.

WHAT DOES A TIGER EAT? ANYTHING HE WANTS

I bought a giant pet tiger, and I fed him noodles and cake,

Yet, somehow he just was not happy, and one day he did awake,

He ate my guppies, dogs and cats,

Ate my spouse, and kids, they were brats,

Then my pet tiger chewed on me, and caused all my bones to ache.

INFESTATION: SHARP TEETH IN BED

The bedbugs teeth are sharp, and real long,

And, Denny rolled upon the bugs, wrong,

The mad teeth bit in,

Broke wide, Denny's skin,

The Denny Dirge is our local song.

THE GREAT ANN ARBOR DRAGON

The great Ann Arbor Dragon turned himself into stone,

For he ate sixty tons of pure, crunchy human bone,

What's acceptable to eat,

Is only the human meat,

The skeleton we use to make a nice candle scone.

THE GRIZ AND THE SAUR WENT TO WAR

I looked down from a bridge, and saw a huge dinosaur,

He was fighting a grizzly; it was an animal war,

The big grisly got on top,

Gave old dino-face a bop,

The dinosaur ran away, while the grizzly gave a roar.

HOWLING, NO GOODS

I made paths through an acre of woods,

So I could stroll with friends from my hoods,

But, no one came near,

Because they said they could hear,

A howling, and that was not goods.

I MINDED MY BUSINESS, AND GOT FREE MEAT🙈🙉🙊🍖

I saw a wolverine, dragging by the feet, my neighbor down the street,

My neighbor screamed really loud, but the wolverine was going to eat,

I knew I should stay inside,

Went under the bed to hide,

Next day, the wolverine thanked me for silence, and bribed me with some meat.

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THE HIGH COST OF PRETTY FLOWERS

Leprechauns and unicorns and trolls; they all have to eat,

When they spy me working in my yard, they think of me as meat,

I must clean my springtime flowers,

To cause growth by springtime showers,

I just can't stay inside; so fairy critters will have a treat.

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THE COUGAR IS COMING

If a cougar you want to stop,

First you give him a karate chop,

If he rips your arm off then you stop,  

And, cry out for your mom and pop,

If a cougar sees you don't run away,

If you do he'll think you want to play,

He's going to eat you anyway,

Just chalk it off to one bad day,

The cougar is coming, so you'd best hide away,

He can still smell you for you didn't bathe today,

Now, when he eats you I can sneak off to the bay,

Out on your yacht I'll catch me some ray.

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THE BUG SLURPER

Leonardo the squirrel, ate bugs, never nuts,

Leo didn't like the chewing, he'd rather slurp guts,

And the tastiest slurps,

Came from bugs that had chirps,

Leo avoided bugs that had bad smelling butts.

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THE WASHED AWAY CITY

A sudden massive, storm downpour washed my  city away,

I floated amongst parts of buildings in Saginaw Bay,

Then out of the dark,

Comes this big giant shark,

I kicked him square in the nose, and saved my bacon that day.

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GREEN THING FROM SPACE WITH TEETH

I came across a green thing that fell from outer space,

It had a small portuberance, but no visible face,

Then down at it's south

It opened a mouth,

It sucked me in, chewed me up at a whirlwind pace.

I DON'T FEED THE LIONS, MAYBE?

When I see a nasty old mountain lion, I run fast away,

When I get back to my crumbling shack, in my shack I all day stay,

Mountain lions love to bite,

Then haul your caucus off site,

Lions feed you to their kitties, so they grow up to hunt one day.

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ATTACK OF THE WOLVERINE

The vicious wolverine bit off my middle toe,

I doubt I can get another mid-toe to grow,

He ripped out my lungs and face,

Fast, like he was in a race,

He ran off with my spleen, dragging it through the snow,

THE BEAST OF SUMER VALLEY

The beast that lives in Sumer Valley,

Eats the peasants, quite a tally,

He will jelly them for toast,

Or for dinner, a lamb roast,

With pitchforks and torches, the peasants will rally.

FRED THE DRAGON, PICKY EATS

I knew this fire breathing dragon, named Fred,

He wouldn't eat anything, unless it was dead,

In his belly, Fred did carry,

A big, vast pet cemetery,

Fred kept dead insects snacks, underneath his bed.

DINO RAMPAGE

The dinosaur in my crawlspace, ate my dog and cat,

I told him it wasn't funny, and that he was not all that!

That big buns dino turd,

Never heard one word,

He ate my sister Sarah, and my little brother Pat.

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HAM FLAVORED CLERKY MANAGER

A lion walked into a grocery store, looking for a plump clerk,

The clerks were all very thin and busy, rushing around their

 work,

A portly mean manager, named Sam,

Was yelling, and smelled like ham,

The lion hauled Sam out the door, and fed her cubs ham flavored jerk.

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THE LURKING COYOTE AND PAUL

There's a coyote lurking in my barn,

He ate a very skinny rat, oh darn,

The rat was called Paul,

He lived in a stall,

Paul made a nest for his babies, with yarn.

FEEDING A MICHIGAN WOLVERINE

A wolverine barged through my door, looking for something to eat,

I fixed him a stack of pancakes, but he wanted only meat,

I took him to the grocery store,

I bought him  chicken, and beef and more,

I bought him some thick, smoked bacon for an after dinner treat.

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