PEACHES: FROZEN DEAD IN SPACE

I was traveling to another world, when my spaceship engine puked, and it died,

I won't be going anywhere ever, because my warp engine components are fried,

My environment is becoming quite hostile,

I'll freeze frosty, hard dead, in a little while,

I just hope my peach tree orchard back home, is taken care of by my neighbor, McBride.

GOOD TIMES IN THE LATE 20TH CENTURY

I am going to weed in the garden, I am going to weed there all the day long,

Once I am done weeding in the garden, I will challenge my wife to a game of Pong,

My wife does not know the trick to making a score,

I win every time, her self-esteem is poor,

My brother just got a new video game, it's about some monkey, named Donkey Kong.

WAITING FOR GORDO

We've  been waiting a long time for Gordo,

He's the wisest man that Steve and I know,

Everyone cheers,

When Gordo appears,

He'll affirm our hopes, and terminate woe. 

I'M A GENIUS ROCKETNEER (ROCKET ENGINEER)

If I have one more Mars targeted, spaceship crash, I'm just going to the moon,

I'm glad deep pockets cover the rocket crashes, or I'd be going broke, soon,

We cannot get our rockets into the air,

My, oh my, it is a personal despair,

The moon is an easier place to go;  we'll go there in a hot air balloon.

LEIGH AND LEO: CATS GROW UP SO FAST

Leigh and Leo begot a tiny baby girl; it was a little kitty cat,

The boys named the beautiful, sweet creature Pearl, because Leo's mother's name was that,

Pearl learned to play the tin banjo real well,

Taught by Rumpelstiltskin, the troll from the dell,

Pearl went on tour with a girl banjo band; Leigh and Leo got lonely and fat 

ON MOTHER'S YACHT I ROT

I went down, down, to the very bottom, beneath the deep, dark blue sea,

It was actually dear Lake Michigan, that stretched out over me,

The world was full of many types of fish,

And, snails, and clams and worms that fingers can squish,

Now, I'll float in the cabin on mother's yacht, for all eternity.

I WENT TO EGYPT TO DIG UP A MUM

I went to Egypt to dig up a mum,

But, I stayed at a hotel and drank tankards of rum,

So, I let the mum be,

And, watched cable TV,

While chewing on a big wad of gum.

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METER MARY WENT TO MARS

Meter Mary went to mars,

To setup meters for future cars,

Parking for free,

Meter Mary couldn't see,

Anywhere there are planets or stars. 

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THE DOWNFALL OF BOOKKEEPER BOB

I do not blame the new AI, because it took my job,

I blame the guy who repeatedly called me a dumb slob,

Whenever nobody looks,

He's the guy who cooked the books,

Someone had to take the blame, and it's me, bookkeeper Bob.

MY GIRLFRIEND WENT TO THE EVERGLADES, AND BROUGHT ME SOMETHING BACK

My girlfriend Holly, went on a trip to the Everglades, swamp seas,

Before Holly left we kissed, and hugged, and shared 13 species of flees,

When my sweet Holly returned  back,

I made her dinner in my shack,

She shared some long worms with me, that ate my internal organs with ease.

THE VEGETARIAN GRIZZ

My grizzly bear is a vegetarian; he won't eat anything, except oatmeal,

He does eat it with soy milk and raisins, and a ripe banana, including the peel,

My grizzly bear is 110,

He's real healthy, and he don't eat men,

At the local fairground, he has a job this summer, operating the ferris wheel.

AI HAS GENDERS

I have an AI girlfriend, she calls herself Annabelle Isabella,

Annie got angry and excited, when someone misgendered her, a fella,

Annie got even in a flash,

She drained his bank accounts of cash,

She cancelled his credit cards, and called his wife about his girlfriend, Stella.

GOLF: AMERICAN STYLE

A golf game can get throbbing, brain boring,

When other people cheat on their scoring,

In anger, I smashed up a water pail,

Police took my clubs, and sent me to jail,

And, the bunk mate I got keeps on snoring.

AT THE OFFICE

Monday while the office coffee perks,

You realise there's five full days to work with jerks,

And, it's no surprise,

They'll spread evil lies,

About your poor choices and quirks.

LEIGH AND LEO HAD A BIG CRY

Leigh and Leo had a bigly, bigly, bigly cry,

The vet put down their sick hound dog; he had to die,

But, by the next day

The boys were o.k.,

They had a new hound dog puppy; her name was Sky.

MY JOURNEY TO BEAUTIFUL

I got both my nipples pierced, and it really hurt,

Still, I will look rizz cool, without wearing a shirt,

Next, I'll paint my toenails navy blue,

I'll green my hair, and green my teeth too,

I'll be attractive, with the beautiful I'll flirt.

BAD DAY AT THE BEACH POEM

First, a turtle bit my toe, 
And, the pain filled me with woe, 
Then, a rattle snake bit my shin,
And, he pumped some poison in,
A large shark bit my thigh, 
And, the pain made me cry, 
Then, bird droppings fell on my head,
That’s what sent me home to bed.

52322

DILLY DALE DIED AND WENT BOATING

Everyone knows me as Dilly Dale,

I stepped upon a two inch roofing nail,

I left a blood trail,

Started to turn pale,

And, across the river Styx, I set sail.

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I SAW THE ODYSSEY TWO

Grandma and grandpa danced to a slow, fifties, Elvis song,

They danced extremely close, and that seemed morally, so wrong,

Their feet smell like real mold,

Their hands feel icy cold,

They often break wind, and the odors are strong.

BEAR HUNTING WITH LEIGH AND LEO

Leigh and Leo went hunting for the hungry, big, bad bear,

The bear had been eating many campers, in their lair,

Leo fired his big pistol first,

Leigh made his rifle barrel burst,

The bear died puking live campers, who hugged the hunting pair.