There is nothing as potent as fresh rhubarb wine, It’s not drank by the timid, connoisseur or, divine, The bottle warnings you should heed, It can make your eye balls bleed, To save yourself when offered a glass just decline.
Rhubarb wine made me grow hair down between my toes, I grew hair in my ears and the nostrils of my nose, The wine made my eyes all glassy, This scared off my main lassie, Rhubarb wine is the cause of most all of my woes.
Ted turned a pretty profit in bones, He picked them up in a pit full of stones, Skulls and teeth he'd unbury, Some looked handsome, some scary, But none as scary as his student loans.
There was an ogre named Pete, He kept his hovel real neat, They thought he was mean, Because he was clean, They refused to sell him some meat. Because the townspeople were so rude, Pete the Ogre could buy no food, So, instead of baked brownies, Pete lunched on the townies, Pete became a respectable dude.
My relatives eat just pasta and beans, Hence, in my family there aren't any leans, So when one sits on a chair, The weight it won't bear, I'd buy more chairs but, I've run out of means.
There was a pink pig named rocket, One eyeball didn't fit in it's socket, It kept popping out, It would land on his snout, He'd put it away in his pocket.
I got a terrible concussion,
Playing soccer against the team of the Prussian,
I took a ball to the brain,
But, I felt little pain,
As off to the hospital I went rushin'.
George had a hound dog named Molly, Mollie married Danny the collie, Ten puppies they raised, But, Danny was crazed, The pups looked like a bull dog named Ollie. Molly would eat ice cream all the day, She didn't exercise or try to play, She got so big and round, She bounced on the ground, Then bounced herself out on the bay. Molly liked to sleep in the sun, That was what Molly thought was fun, When she got a sun burn, Then over she would turn, Now Molly weighs more than a ton.
John's elevator went down so very fast, When it hit ground floor he lost his meal last, All the potatoes and gravy, Ended up on poor Davy, And, Susie enjoyed a steak from John's past.
Mark ate pigs-feet for his dinner meal, They were greasy which was the appeal, Eating lean, like turkey, Is not that tasty, Like pigs-feet and corn-fed fat veal.
Forsake me not my jellyroll, I need said roll to guide my soul, The flavors are Zen, It's perfection, a ten, Glazed bread with a sweet fruit-filled hole.
There was a pony named Penelope Pie,
Down every race track she would fly,
She was owned by Pap Herbie,
He entered her in the Derby,
When she lost she had a really good cry.
A tiger sat down in my dining room, He said his hunger would be my untimely doom, But I was thinking much quicker, And knowing tigers can't hold their liquor, Gave him some scotch; the tiger passed out and fell, boom!
Bob painted daisies on his barn walls one day, To calm down his horses as they ate their hay, Then in one awful haste, The horses just had to taste, And, the barn walls and the daisies went away.
There was a butterfly named Irving, When he flew he went a swerving, He got by a bird and bat, And, an orange kitty cat, They found his moves perturbing,
Irving the butterfly liked to dance, The lady butterflies he'd romance, Irving strove to improve, His every dance move, So, his lady luck he could enhance.