I WENT TO A SPACE STATION

I went to a space station to get some good rest,
But, they ran out of peanut butter, so I had to protest,
Then, they ran out of spaghetti,
That made me one angry yeti,
So, out the airlock they sent me as a pest.

5922

ELDON AND THE SNOWPLOW

Brother Eldon had two little feet, and they were white as snow,

And, everywhere that Eldon went, his snow white feet would go,

One cold day, Eldon looked for his cow,

But, was run over by a snowplow,

Eldon's feet were all that we found, on poor Eldon's day of woe.

PEGGY PEACOCK

Penny had a handsome, pet peacock, and Penny named him ABC,

ABC had a pretty, peacock girlfriend, known as 123, 

123 and ABC made a big egg,

The peacock that popped out, mama named her Peg,

Peg grew up, became a volunteer, and gave up her spare time for free.

DOG TURDS AND TRAPS: A LIFE WITH A PURPOSE

You see many monsters in the world, when you are just a little fly,

I'm just looking for some turds to eat, then I can lay all my eggs, and die,

It's easiest to follow dogs,

They're always dropping big, wet logs,

The monster humans often set fly traps out; they hate us; I wonder why?

THE ROBOT IS THE WINNER

I got in a street fight with a modern robot, and I did not do so well,

He was an expert at kickboxing, his foot in my face was how I could tell,

He was well built and strong,

The fight didn't last too long,

He did carry me to the hospital; we became close friends; his name is Mel.

THE GROCERY APOCALYPSE

The grocery prices are so high; it is bad, not good,

Neighbors are now cannibals; it is not safe in my hood,

The bugs under my door,

Are my only food store,

I've sent the wife out to a stump; there's termites in the wood.

I GRABBED TOO MANY FREE HOLES, AND THEY SENT ME TO JAIL

I am a tired, poor, dumb, miserable, wretched, starving slob,

I went to the store for free samples, I had no money, no job,

Doughnut holes were signed "One Free Sample",

I grabbed a handful; they had ample,

I was presently arrested, they called my hole grab, a big rob.

MY PEASANTS TURNED NASTY: MY HEAD'S IN A BASKET

I use to have many peasants, and they'd do everything for me,

My favorite was Long John, until I caught him peeing in my tea

I had him drug off to the stockade,

He was well flogged; my point was well made,

Long John signed the warrant at my trial; that bad, revolutionary.

GLAMOR GARDENS

I chased off the big flies that were on my drying tomatoes,

I cut out the huge, rat bites from my bin of brand new potatoes,

I picked the snails from my rhubarb,

Sprayed the weevils on my Swiss chard,

Pulled and ate the worms off my beets; the tastes, many underate, those.

TIN SHACK LIVING, AND FISHING

I built a little, tin shack to live in, down by the river,

The dirt floor grows moss and mold, and the cold tin makes me shiver,

When the river freezes to ice,

I ice fish, using squeaky mice,

I shoot pike fish with my bow, using arrows from my quiver.

I'M IN A WORLD OF DREAD AND WOE, BECAUSE I OWE A LOT OF DOE

I live in a house built of many credit cards,

I borrow on my Wal-Mart to pay my Menards,

Not sure where all this goes,

As my credit debt grows,

Maybe debtors prison, surrounded by ICE guards.

MY BIG, MONSTER COUGAR WAS HUNGRY

I saddled up my big cougar, and road that monster to the store,

I went inside to buy just beans, because we are the living poor,

When I was walking out,

I heard a human shout,

I caught my big, monster cougar eating people; I counted four.

TENT RENT IS TOO DANG HIGH

I rented a very small tent, so I could survive,

That's how I kept all my pets, and all my kids alive,

My tent-lord raised the rent,

Which got me angle bent,

We moved to an abandoned dumpster; it is a dive.

TOBOGGAN RIDE, WHEN BUDDIES CRY

My bestest buddy and I went for a toboggan, downhill ride,

I could feel right away, the cold, crispy air, singe my facial hide,

We went really fast,

The ride did not last,

We missed a tree, but the toboggan flipped over; it hurt, we cried.

THE POLAR VORTEX

The Polar Vortex has frozen my ginger beer,

Frostbite has taken my left nostril and right ear,

Whirling snow blows around,

Hits my face pound, pound, pound,

And, a huge road grader has snuck up from the rear.

MY MORAL DILEMMA: BURGS OR THE HAPPINESS OF COWS

I always have the chewing and eating of beef burgs, on my brain,

I feel that cattle are my victims; it's brain farts for the insane,

Why for cattle rights, I should care?,

Is a race memory, wiped bare?,

I'll continue eating cattle; wish them a good life with no pain.

THE DANGER OF WINTER KITING

February kiting is quite the odd sight to see,

People pretending spring is here, and we are snow free,

The fancy kites fly way high,

In the cold, windy, blue sky,

Kiters may get a frozen nose, of those, some might die.

THE CONQUISTADORS FROM PLANET EARTH

We're launching our great spacecraft, out to claim planets of the nearest stars,

I'm working with a new AI co-pilot, his name is, "Blast E'm" Lars,

There's six decks of cows to eat,

Warriors love their red, raw meat,

We ate a thousand cows, when we destroyed the empire, found on Mars.

I AM FROM MICHIGAN

People think I am from Japan, because I drive a Toyota,

People listen to my accent, and think I'm from Minnesota,

I will say this once more, again,

I'm from big water, Michigan,

I don't care of what people think of me, not even one iota. 

THE PIMPLE POPPER GOT A JOB

Jimmy got a job as a taxi driver, after being fired from the city bus,

Jimmy grossed out all his cab fares, because he was always popping pimples full of white puss,

Because of his popping pimple sin,

Poor Jimmy, was fired once again,

Jimmy found a job in Michigan, hanging drywall sheets, for his favorite uncle, Gus.