I HAVE THE RABIES, SO THIS DOG IS DONE

The kids all have measles, and they have to stay home,

Even poor, old grandpa has spots on his chrome dome,

Most of their doctors, say,

The spots will go away,

But, not so, the dog rabies, that make my lips foam.

DR. DAY AND MR. KNIGHT

I caught severe whooping cough, while sailing out on the bay,

I went to get a prescription from old Dr. Day,

He referred me to Mr. Knight,

Mr. Knight did not seem too bright,

But, Knight prescribed sucking cheese balls, and my cough went away.

PETS IN THE POOL

My piranha pets that I keep in my pool, needed desperately to eat,

I invited over my neighbor to swim; he was loaded with fatty meat,

The big neighbor jumped into the pool,

With the voracious piranha school,

My pets striped the man's bones of fatty meat, from his bald head to his little feet.

BUSTER THE BANJO PLAYER POEM

Buster was a banjo player,
He played the banjo well,
But, the only song in his repertoire,
Was the Overture to William Tell,

Buster could not read or write,
He didn't know one note from another,
He only learned to play William Tell,
From the whistling of his mother,

Buster tried to learn new songs,
He tried leaning them by ear,
But, when he tried to play the songs,
His audience would sob, "Oh Dear!"

Buster became so frustrated,
He decided not to play,
He figured music was overrated,
So, he sits and dreams all day.

8122

THE GRISLY BEAR TRACKER

I went hunting and in the snow, I saw tracks so big, it was insane,

I was terribly shocked, and popped a massive vein in my hunter brain,

I knew right then and right there,

I'd be hunting grisly bear,

I stood there many minutes longer, then got hit by a choo choo train.

APOCALYPSE: THE PAPER CHASE

We must mass hoard things to survive an apocalypse death, and survive the odors that are foul,

That means one item must be massively stored, and I'm not talking about the common, paper towel,

I have this one thing inside my head,

Poor hygiene is worse than being dead,

One needs many sheets of toilet paper, to clean up that which is festooned, by a stressed out bowel,

TOILET FLOWERS

My outdoor toilet was all full of flowers,
They grew well after all the rain showers,
They were such a bouquet,
I just let them stay,

My toilet is artwork that towers.

51322

BAD NEIGHBORS GOT TO EAT

All my neighbors are cannibals, and I don't like how they're looking at me,

I try to look unattractive; I don't bathe, so I smell very stinky,

Some neighbors drool over pretty feet,

Others, eyeballs they see as a treat,

When grandpa came visiting, a neighbor bit gramps on his extra wide seat.

DELETE THE STINKY PROSE

I wrote some real stinky prose,
It was so bad it stuffed up my nose,
So I punched my keyboards delete,
The lines vanished, complete,
They are gone where all stinky prose goes.

21822

BERT AND THE FALLEN ANGELS CHOIR

I saw some falling angels, and they looked like they got real hurt,

They fell from way up high, and hit the rocks, gravel and dirt,

I do not know what the angels did so wrong,

Maybe they sang wrong notes in an angel song,

I went out and met their leader; he said his name was Bert.

THE HOOD OF HORRORS

I had been in the hospital, in stroke recovery, healing my dome,

Then, into the neighborhood of horrors, I moved to a quiet, new home,

There were no real humans there,

Just demons, everywhere,

They're always trying to get in at night, working crowbars, while drooling foam.

YOUR FOOD TASTES GREAT, I AGREE, BUT IT OUGHT TO BE FREE

I came from another universe that was far away

J love the taste of your bacon, that is why here, I stay,

I love your hot chicken wings,

And, your other hot, saucy things,

Great food, but wherever I go, someone insists I pay. 

THE WEREWOLF WITH THE HAIRY PALMS

 Handsome Jimmy woke up, and both of his long, soft palms were all hairy,

It was the night of the werewolf, when by moon light, Jimmy turns scary,

He howled at the full moon,

Knew he'd be dining soon,

Jimmy had to pick from his three best friends, Marry, Carrie or Larry.

I DID NOT KNOW BEARS ATE FRUIT FOR DESERT

I was real hungry, when I caught a baby chipmunk in my baby chipmunk snare,

The baby chipmunk begged me not to eat him; his little body, I did a spare,

Along came a grisly bear,

He grabbed me by my hair,

I begged him not to eat me, but he feasted on my body, then enjoyed a pear.

DUMPSTER DIVING FOR FOOD? I EAT IN THE BAR

I walked into a bar serving free, salty popcorn, but nothing else to eat,

The free popcorn was served to all embalmed patrons, so they could drive down the street,

I didn't buy a single drink,

But, I acted drunk as stink,

Nice dinner; the salty popcorn tasted much better than any dumpster meat.

MR. WHEELER'S BANJO BAD

Mr. Wheeler was so banjo bad,
His wrong notes just made sad, sad,
So, beat the drums,
Drown those banjo hums,
And, all humanity will be thankee-glad.

101621

APOCOLYPSE COW

I was sleeping on the ground, when awakened by an apocalypse cow,

It was trampling on me, and my internal organs were bleeding out, ow,

I have been killed by a lowly, old cow, I fear,

Not a raging bull; nor a cantankerous steer,

After my bones were all busted, I was eaten by a glutinous sow.

THE FADING CLONES

It is for my great species, uber humiliating,

I am a clone suffering from replicative fading,

Soon, our species will be no more,

Just dying tissues on the floor,

If we weren't cloned in a beaker, we'd be planet invading.

AS THE MEN IN MY FAMILY AGE

100% of the men who age, will physic change,

Their belts will ride down low, in a below the belly range,

As their bones shrink smaller,

Young people will seem taller,

And, when their hair falls out, they will look bald or sick with mange.

ME AND THE ANGELS SING

When I fell out my window; I slapped the pavement, and knew I was doomed,

I bled out on the meat wagon, and at a fairly young age, entombed,

My bod did not hurt very long,

Before hearing the Angel's song,

I guess all my pain and suffering, was how for the high choir, I was groomed.

Date:  33026