MATILDA THE ROOSTER

My little rooster chicken, will never hunt,

His name is Matilda, and he is a runt,

He likes blackberry brandy,

And, hard cinnamon candy,

He can't hold his liquor; he pukes, to be blunt.

FEED THE COWS

I grow some corn to feed my cows, along with alfalfa hay,

I make sure to feed all of my cows, on each and every day,

Once all my cows are fully filled,

I drink a pop that's chilly chilled,

I relax and wait for slaughter trucks, to truck my cows away.

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EVIL UNDER THE BARN

There's a crawlspace underneath the old, stone barn,

Something bad lives there, and if it gets you, Darn!

It has sharp, smelly claws,

Big toothed laden, huge jaws.

The old beast creeps over a bed of hot skarn.

HEALTHCARE FOR CHICKENS

I had a pet rooster, too bad he got head lice,

I pulled out his feathers, and in fat, fried him twice,

I killed off his bugs,

The kids gave me hugs,

We ate that pet chicken, and he tasted real nice.

MY PARTNER AND I CONQUERED SPACE, AND RAISED MOO

We once built a space rocket, it was shaped like a shoe,

Didn't look aerodynamic, but it fly, flown and flew,

We burned it straight to Mars,

Sold electronic cars,

Then we bought us a ranch, and raised those cows that go moo.  

THE COW THAT BITES FOR RIGHTS

Karen the mad cow, she always bites,

Anyone she observes wearing tights,

It's offensive to her,

If you are not wearing fur,

It's like trampling on her bovine rights.

BAD PIG DIDN'T FLY, DIDN'T TRY

I had my pig and thought I'd experiment, try,

To get my pig to become airborne, and to fly,

I hauled my pig up a tall tree,

Before I shoved him, he shoved me,

When I hit down on the ground, I began to cry.

HANNIBAL IN THE HAY

Once upon a time, there was a pig, named Hannibal,

He liked eating bacon, and was called a cannibal,

On one nice, sunny, fine day,

He fell asleep in the hay,

He was then ate raw by a human, called Animal.

BLUE RIBBON TURNUP

The vegetable farm held a turnip contest, once per day,

The heaviest one got a ribbon, and put out on display,

The very heaviest ones,

Were full of worms; sons-of-guns,

The farmer never did care, "they had protein", he'd always say.

PAPPY THE PIG AND PINKER TOO

Everywhere that pappy pig went, Pinker was surely to go,

Pinker had the bad flatulence, and he let everybody know,

Embarrassing pappy,

Made Pinker real happy,

When they got home, pappy gave Pinker lectures, and Pinker felt woe.🐖

PAPPY THE PIG AND PINKER

I have a nice pink colored pet pig, named Pinker,

He fishes with a cane pole, bobber and sinker,

Just like his dear, old pappy,

Pinker likes to catch crappie, 

Like pappy, Pinker is a soda pop drinker.

THE SHEEP KEEPER

I bought me an old country farm to raise me free roaming sheep,

Roaming sheep are so very pretty, and quite easy to keep,

Here is the real deal,

They get a free meal,

But if they get in front of my pickup, they get a beep, beep.

JIMMY GOES POOF

Some long icicles fell off the barn roof,

They knocked poor Jimmy off of his tall hoof,

Jimmy needed a warm fire,

So he lit up a truck tire,

Jimmy was too close, and Jimmy went poof.

STARTING PLANTS INDOORS

I bought a bag of potting soil to start pepper plants inside,

I grow amazing, pretty pepper plants that are my joy and pride,

I transplant them to pots on my deck,

I grow amazing peppers by the peck,

I feed them to my pigs and chickens, and so far, none of them have died.

THE LURKING COYOTE AND PAUL

There's a coyote lurking in my barn,

He ate a very skinny rat, oh darn,

The rat was called Paul,

He lived in a stall,

Paul made a nest for his babies, with yarn.

THE FOX AND THE DIRTY DEEDS

My four hens were out pecking at sunflower seeds,

Then along came a fox, and he did four dirty deeds,

I had no eggs the next morn,

Just four kernels of stale corn,

I filled up my belly on coffee and weeds.

MY GREAT BIG DINOSAUR II

I put my new pet dinosaur, outdoors with my pigs,

I figured they could share their muddy, fecal digs,

Found out dinos love their ham,

Mine ate every pig, but Sam,

Sam smelled really bad, because he ate only pickled figs.

THE CHOICES FOR GOAT: CHEESE OR A COAT

I like goat cheese so much that I got me a goat,

He chewed a hole in my tin boat, now it don't float,

He's eyeing my new truck,

But he is out of luck,

I like the feel of leather, and I need a new coat.

PIGS AND RHUBARB PIE

Someone mean hurt my pigs, when they fed them rhubarb pie,

Their bellies swelled up so much, it made my pigs all cry,

I pilled each pig with anti-gas,

Within a minute, their pain did pass,

I'll find out who hurt my pigs, and then I'll ask them why.

SPEEDY AND THE THREE BEARS

Three bears took over my chicken coup, and boy were they greedy,

They ate all my chickens, except one real old hen, named Speedy,

With Speedy as the three bears pet,

They settled in, they were all set,

The bears all loved their pet; they were emotionally needy.