BLUE RIBBON TURNUP

The vegetable farm held a turnip contest, once per day,

The heaviest one got a ribbon, and put out on display,

The very heaviest ones,

Were full of worms; sons-of-guns,

The farmer never did care, "they had protein", he'd always say.

FEED THE COWS

I grow some corn to feed my cows, along with alfalfa hay,

I make sure to feed all of my cows on each and every day,

Once all my cows are fully filled,

I drink a pop that's chilly chilled,

I relax and wait for slaughter trucks, to truck my cows away.

PAPPY THE PIG AND PINKER TOO

Everywhere that pappy pig went, Pinker was surely to go,

Pinker had the bad flatulence, and he let everybody know,

Embarrassing pappy,

Made Pinker real happy,

When they got home, pappy gave Pinker lectures, and Pinker felt woe.🐖

PAPPY THE PIG AND PINKER

I have a nice pink colored pet pig, named Pinker,

He fishes with a cane pole, bobber and sinker,

Just like his dear, old pappy,

Pinker likes to catch crappie, 

Like pappy, Pinker is a soda pop drinker.

THE SHEEP KEEPER

I bought me an old country farm to raise me free roaming sheep,

Roaming sheep are so very pretty, and quite easy to keep,

Here is the real deal,

They get a free meal,

But if they get in front of my pickup, they get a beep, beep.

JIMMY GOES POOF

Some long icicles fell off the barn roof,

They knocked poor Jimmy off of his tall hoof,

Jimmy needed a warm fire,

So he lit up a truck tire,

Jimmy was too close, and Jimmy went poof.

STARTING PLANTS INDOORS

I bought a bag of potting soil to start pepper plants inside,

I grow amazing, pretty pepper plants that are my joy and pride,

I transplant them to pots on my deck,

I grow amazing peppers by the peck,

I feed them to my pigs and chickens, and so far, none of them have died.

THE LURKING COYOTE AND PAUL

There's a coyote lurking in my barn,

He ate a very skinny rat, oh darn,

The rat was called Paul,

He lived in a stall,

Paul made a nest for his babies, with yarn.

THE FOX AND THE DIRTY DEEDS

My four hens were out pecking at sunflower seeds,

Then along came a fox, and he did four dirty deeds,

I had no eggs the next morn,

Just four kernels of stale corn,

I filled up my belly on coffee and weeds.

MY GREAT BIG DINOSAUR II

I put my new pet dinosaur, outdoors with my pigs,

I figured they could share their muddy, fecal digs,

Found out dinos love their ham,

Mine ate every pig, but Sam,

Sam smelled really bad, because he ate only pickled figs.

THE CHOICES FOR GOAT: CHEESE OR A COAT

I like goat cheese so much that I got me a goat,

He chewed a hole in my tin boat, now it don't float,

He's eyeing my new truck,

But he is out of luck,

I like the feel of leather, and I need a new coat.

PIGS AND RHUBARB PIE

Someone mean hurt my pigs, when they fed them rhubarb pie,

Their bellies swelled up so much, it made my pigs all cry,

I pilled each pig with anti-gas,

Within a minute, their pain did pass,

I'll find out who hurt my pigs, and then I'll ask them why.

SPEEDY AND THE THREE BEARS

Three bears took over my chicken coup, and boy were they greedy,

They ate all my chickens, except one real old hen, named Speedy,

With Speedy as the three bears pet,

They settled in, they were all set,

The bears all loved their pet; they were emotionally needy.

MY LITTLE RED GOAT

My favorite pet was a little red goat,

The only thing that she would eat was red coat,

She would eat mink, wool or leather,

But she would never taste pleather,

Pleather gave her bubble gas, and she would bloat,

BARN OWL BEAU AND THE BANSHE

In Freeland, there once was a barn owl, named Beau,

In the hen house, Beau saw a banshee named Coe,

Coe had an egg thieving plot,

But the barn owl, thought not,

So Beau bit off a banshe nose and big toe.

NOBILITY, WORMS AND SQUIRMS

Oh, the noble chicken reigns, over the bugs and worms,

And, all creatures in the chicken coup, with the chicken, come to terms,

For the chicken, it can eat ya,

In a battle, it will defeat ya,

But, then here comes the fox, and in it's mouth the chicken squirms.

A RECKONING FOR THE PIGS

The pigs chased all the hens out of the chicken coup,

The pigs ate all the eggs, then made chicken nest soup,

The poor chickens were really sad,

Because the pigs behaved so bad,

So the farmer short chained the pigs, to his back stoop.

SOME CRITTERS SHOULD NOT WRITE LIMERICKS

I had a pretty peacock named Homer,

Around the old farm, he was a roamer,

On one far distant, roaming prance,

Homer met a vowel, named Lance,

Together, they wrote this gosh, awful poemer.

A GOAT STORY

I know an old gruffy goat, named Herb,

He chews gravel out next to the curb,

Other roughage he avoids,

Because of hemorrhoids,

Which gravel doesn't seem to disturb.

CYRUS

Cyrus was the master of training productive pigs,

Cyrus trained pigs to replace people, driving big rigs,

Cyrus made enough money,

To marry his honey,

Cyrus now lives a life without good porn, booze or cigs.

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