I TOOK A BREAK AND IT HURT

I ate two onion bagels, and that was lunch,

I washed them down with a sweet, raspberry punch,

My teeth were full of ruts,

On break I chewed some nuts,

I shouted "Ouch!", with every single crunch.

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SOMEONE IS STEALING MY KIPPERS AND CHIPS

Don't care if online I'm hacked, but they hacked my potato chips,

Then they got into my cupboard, and stole some canned fish kips.

I spend my money to dine,

Have no money for online,

I opened up my fridge, and someone stole my kip, chip dips.

FRED THE DRAGON, PICKY EATS

I knew this fire breathing dragon, named Fred,

He wouldn't eat anything, unless it was dead,

In his belly, Fred did carry,

A big, vast pet cemetery,

Fred kept dead insects snacks, underneath his bed.

I LOVE NEWBURY CHOCOLATES

I drove on up to Newbury to purchase some chocolate treats,

They make chocolate the old fashioned way; they mix it with their feets,

Their chocolates smell so fine,

Matching vapors in port wine,

There are lots of free chocolate samples; I eats, and eats, and eats.

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DING DONG THE BEAR IS FED

Ding Dong the big bear only ate skunk meat,

It was so tasty, skunk meat was so sweet,

Since he was a small feller,

Ding Dong didn't have a smeller,

The little black and white skunk was his treat.

THE CHRISTMAS CANNIBAL ELF

It's a full moon on Christmas Eve, and you'd better watch yourself,

Or you could be eaten, by a thing called Santa's elf,

Cannibals, Santa condones,

If nothing is wasted, even bones,

The elf that eats the bones is the one they call big Ralph. 

MY HOLIDAY TRAVEL GUIDE

I went to England to visit some kings,

But they were all busy doing important things,

I had me a draft,

Got back on my raft,

Paddled back to New England for a meal of hot wings.

DRINK PARSNIPS, NOT

I had to make a post haste decline,

When I was offered some parsnip wine,

I'm willing to taste,

Wines made from toothpaste,

But vegetable wines cross the line.

RAW PORK AND ANGELS

I was so very hungry, the noodles tasted real yummy,

They were not at all done, so they were sitting in my tummy,

Then my pig was so raw,

To eat it I done gnaw, gnaw, gnaw,

Now I'm in the hospital, prognosis: they called my mummy.

DINNER WINE FOR CRAWDADS

Larry had a rhubarb farm, and made cherry-rhubarb wine,

His wine tasted really good, if on crawdads you did dine,

It never tasted good with a stake,

And made some vomit, with meatloaf bake,

But, if you stuck to eating crawdads, everything was fine.

AI GAVE ME FAT THIGHS

I ordered from an AI, my dinner online,

The AI took my order and I thought all was fine,

I ordered chicken and fries,

Got pancakes and fried thighs,

I think the AI should stop sampling the wine.

VAMPIRES CELEBRATE THE FOURTH WITH PIE

At every fireworks display on the  4th Of July,

Vampires rain down on tourists, from out of the sky,

The tourists are alarmed,

But not seriously harmed,

The vampires just need blood, for gram cracker crust pie.

I LOST MONEY BETTING ON HORSES, NOW I SERVE THEM AT MY PLACE OF EATS

I cook delicious food while listening to music in c minor,

That's why I call my restaurant "The C Minor Diner",

I use to listen to D Major,

Bet on horseys, lost big wager,

I changed my music and my job, because my mate was a major whiner.

LITTLE THREE BEANS EATS, THEN PLAYS HULA HOOPS

Little Three Beans loved his salty, sippy soups,

He use to love salads, but they gave him poops,

Three Beans never eats meats,

Because they smell like feets,

Three Beans eats carbs, before he plays hula hoops. 

ALL I HAD

All I had was a bottle of glue,

Some tuna that had turned green and blue,

Some bug that had warts,

Little twigs of all sorts,

And that's what's in your supper stew.

DINNER FOR ONE (When A Loner Eats Alone)

The meat from the can was supposed to be pork,

But, it was real chewy and tasted like cork,

So, I took a glug of my drink,

Which made my gums bleed and eyes blink,

And, the meat ran away with my fork.

THE CHICKENED REALLY GOOD-LIMERICK

I had some chickened noodles, chickened really good,

They tasted like fresh chicken, like chickened noodles always should,

Then I ate a roadkill stew,

Tasted skunky, pew,

Then I drank pine needle tea, and it tasted just like wood.

FROM RUSSIA

I went to Russia to find some good eats,

But Russian policemen gave me some beats,

I got tortured  till raw,

Have a soar, wired jaw,

So forever from Russia I escaped with my feets.

THE STORY OF TORTY THE PIG

Torty is a really simple pink pig,

So simple he failed algebra, calc and then trig,

So Torty quit school, 

Bought a small plastic pool,

And filled it with slop he could swig.