MY MAGIC BANJO PARTIED WITH THE KING AND QUEEN

Rumpelstiltskin made a magic, shinny, tin banjo, just for me,

Then, so he could play along, he made a golden ukulele,

We played all night under a blood red moon,

The king came out and sang along, in tune,

The queen came outside, and danced along, but broke bones in her right knee..

THE THREE TASTY TROLLS AND THE DRAGON

There were three evil trolls way out in the deep woods,

They were snacking on good Little Red Riding Hoods,

A hungry dragon was flying,

Thought the evil trolls worth trying,

Sometimes dragons do evils, sometimes they do goods.

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LISTEN TO YOUR CANDY CANE

I'm a little, green striped, candy cane,

I've got a real, human, working brain,

The tongue licks, they tickle,

I taste like a pickle,

If you think I'm talking, you're insane.

I INVENTED WARP DRIVE

I invented starship warp drive, and I went on a trip,

It did not take me very long, in my warp driving ship,

I went to a planet called Mars,

But, there were just too many cars,

I tried to find parking, but got a Martian finger flip.

THE FAMILY OF FOOD

My ghee ran away with my beans,

They have been in love, since their teens,

I hope that it's true,

That they marry, too,

And, adopt some little sardines.

TUNA FISH DEODORANT, YES IT IS A THING

I went to.visit my friend, Tuna Fish, and it set off my nose alarm,

A tuna needs deodorant under each fin, like a human does, each arm,

More stinky, became the still water,

As the temperature grew hotter,

Soon it smelled less like a tuna home, and more like a tuna farm.

MONSTERS WITH CLAWS

I use to have four giant, sharp claws,

They gave other clawed monsters, a big pause,

Opponents got rip shredded,

Disarmed, and then beheaded,

That kind of bleeding won't stop with just gauze.  

THE MANY MONSTERS OF FRANKLIN FRITZ

There were many powerful monsters, made by Franklin Fritz,

He created them from scratch, out of human, itsy bits,

His designs, won many awards,

Award money he put towards,

Building an army of monsters, their power based on hits.

I DON'T REPAIR DUMPS; I BUILD CASTLES

I gathered up my jumpy dog, and locked down my crumbling hovel,

We walked down to the sandy beach, with my toy plastic pail and shovel,

Built a tall castle on the beach,

Stacked sand as high as I could reach,

My dog knocked the castle down; for his dinner, he had to grovel.

SPACE COWBOY

I dreamt I was a future, space cowboy, and my name was Ding Dong,

I flew across a prairie of stars, with my guitar and a song,

I had 12 live cows, too,

And, a pet kangaroo,

And, an AI named Bootsy, who nagged me, about all I done wrong.

TWO PANCAKES RUE THIS DAY

Two pancakes walked into a bar,

They wanted to borrow a car,

They were tossed on a plate,

By a lumberjack, mate,

Then, bathed with syrup from a fresh opened jar.

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HE FRANKED AROUND AND FOUND OUT

Frank was bald as a marble, yet coveted thick, long hair,

Frank was inspired, when he eye spied, Big Benny The Bear,

Frank went hunting for Benny,

The hair?  Frank didn't get any,

But, Benny with his claws, skinned Frank, and made skin underwear.

SPRING FORWARD TIME TRAVEL 👎

I dislike it when the Spring clock gets moved forward, one hour,

It clearly disrupts my time traveler super power,

It hurts my quantum brain,

My thoughts drift to insane,

Now, we're all fighting, over our a.m. scheduled shower.

EVIL UNDER THE BARN

There's a crawlspace underneath the old, stone barn,

Something bad lives there, and if it gets you, Darn!

It has sharp, smelly claws,

Big toothed laden, huge jaws.

The old beast creeps over a bed of hot skarn.

THE HOWLING HOOD HUNTER

My doctor told me I was a werewolf, and there is nothing he can do,

Forever, I'll be howling at the moon, whenever it is full or new,

I will move out to the deep woods,

Where I can hunt Red Ridding Hoods,

Maybe I will learn to hunt some other Hoods, like yellow, green, black or blue.

DRAGON DREAMS AND SCREAMS

The big, bad dragon really screamed, the big, bad dragon really roared,

After Sammy bled it dry, with a little, pretend sword,

Then Sammy got stung,

By hot dragon tongue, 

Sammy took a nap, because dragon play had made him bored.

A LITTLE LIFE GROUNDED, AFTER DREAM

I invested in sugar markets, because I got a sweet deal,

I bought sugar futures, because they have that upper classy feel,

I could prance as a snob,

As the peasants I rob,

Of course, I can't pay room rent, because my fancy dreams just ain't real.

THE LAND OF FAIRIES AND LONG TONGUED FROGS

When I was young, I lived in the land of fairies,

We ate pumpkin seeds, and golden raspberries,

We avoided cats and dogs,

And all the longer tongued frogs,

I lived years in that world, where nothing varies.

KAYZEARS THE DRAGON

Kayzears the dragon has lived for 12,000 years,

She loves eating pie, and pickled human ears,

She can make someone cry,

By eating their thigh,

Which she enjoys, after having a few beers.

I WENT TO MARS WITHOUT A SPACECRAFT OR LIPS

My spaceship disassembled, but I kept traveling into space,

A disaster it resembled, as I gnawed my lips from my face,

My trajectory took me toward the stars,

All that stopped me was planet mars,

Soon I was making friends, among the Martian race.