THREE PINES AND ONE BAT CAMPGROUND

I went camping at a campground called, Three Pines and One Bat,

I saw the three dead pines, but worried, where was the bat at,

Then, ouch what the darn, heck?

 The bat vented my neck,

Out poured my blood, the dead pines turned green, I died where I sat.

SNAPPING TURTLES WENT FOR MY TOES

I went swimming with the turtles, and what did I find?

Turtles like to snap toes off, which left me in a bind,

I would have drowned that day,

But a whale came my way,

The whale swam me to my home, because that whale was kind.

PIT AND THE GIT

Donny was a really mean, awful git,

Donny had a big bulldog, he called Pit,

Donny teased him with meat, 

But wouldn't let poor Pit eat,

Pit bit off Donny's buns, now he can't sit.

ALL THAT BANGING MUST HURT

Johnny banged, and banged, and banged on the floor,

Johnny hurt his self, and he did it no more,

He calmed down real good,

He did just as he should,

Then David started bang, bang, banging the door.

MY DELICIOUS CHRISTMAS GOAT CHEESE

Everyone loves my Christmas goat cheese,

I bring some to work each year, as a smell tease,

Sometimes it ain't right,

And, empties bowels overnight,

For my goats often have diarrhea disease.

MAY THE DEAD CONCH REST IN PEACE

While looking for socks, I found me a conch shell under the bed,

Not sure how long it's been there, but I think the conch is long dead,

So I named its ghost, Freddy,

Hoped that death found it ready,

I promised to polish the shell up, and paint it barny red.

POLLIWOG, TO EAT OR PLAY FETCH WITH? THAT IS THE QUESTION

I walked on down to the pond, and there met Mr. Prince Charming,

He had invested his nest eggs into Polliwog farming,

It was just a terrible deal,

Polliwogs have no pet appeal,

As human food, they might look o.k., but their smells are alarming.

DULLES SMARTS ALONE

Dulles had an IQ over 180,

He could never find a best matey,

Humans would kiss and squirm,

Like a non-tactical worm,

Like the ones Dulles used for fish-baitey.

POTTY WATTY THE BEAR

Potty Watty was a bear,

Potty Watty liked to share,

He shared his teeth,

With the rancher's beef,

And gave the herd of cows a scare.

FISHING WITH TOAD

I use to go fishing with Toad,

He had a boat, but on it, he owed,

Then real early one morn,

Before the deer left the corn,

The bank took the boat down the road.

TOAD BOWELS TO.FEAR

We were exploring a dusty back road,

I and my friend/partner, Toad,

We were attacked by dire deer,

They didn't like Toad's species, I fear,

Poor toad, lost his entire bowel load.

PRETTY PAM OR THE PIG

Terry had a little lamb, named her Pretty Pam

He treated Pretty Pam, like she was some close fam,

Terry did not remember,

To buy groceries in December,

So Terry ate his little lamb, but spared his pig, named Fatso Sam.

BOXED CHICKEN

The chicken I ate came cut into many parts,

It was boxed and sold in one of those grocery marts,

I was so glad,

The chicken didn't taste so bad,

Just wished the box included liver, gizzards, hearts.

MOSQUITOS TAKE MORE THAN BLOOD

Meanie mosquitos, they done ate off my arms,

Then when I looked for my legs, that set off alarms,

My legs were in mosquito guts,

I was going really nuts,

No more camping, I'll stay on the farms.

TOO LOOSE TO TREK

Sammy was a too loose goose; too loose to trek,

Sammy started up a hill and then said, "to heck"

Sammy had to way backtrack,

To the outdoor bathroom shack,

By the time he made it there, Sammy was a nervous wreck.

THE INTERVENTION MADE ME A LOSER

My cow loves her alcohol, but her milk is full of booze,

And every time I drink her milk, I have to take a snooze,

With the pig, goat, rooster and horse,

The cow got an intervention, of course,

Now depressed, she won't give milk, and the vitamin D I lose.

BIGFOOT ATE MY BABIES AND MY MATE

A Bigfoot made a nest in the barn on my farm,

I did not believe it would cause any harm,

But when the Bigfoot eggs hatched out,

There were little Bigfoots all about,

When they ate the family that was cause for alarm.

PIG MITES

There were little mites that lived on my pig,

They were irritating, so in mud my pig would dig,

But to even the score,

The mites would bite more,

Now some mites colonized my best wig.