GOLF: AMERICAN STYLE

A golf game can get throbbing, brain boring,

When other people cheat on their scoring,

In anger, I smashed up a water pail,

Police took my clubs, and sent me to jail,

And, the bunk mate I got keeps on snoring.

BALLOONING WITH LEIGH AND LEO

I and Leo went up flying in a hot air balloon,

I felt we looked special, because our balloon was maroon,

Our balloon burst out into fires,

When we crossed some electric wires,

No people found our bodies, but we fed a fat raccoon.

AWOKE IN THE WOODS: I'M BABY FOOD IN THOSE HOODS

I was cross-country skiing, when in some deep hole, I was downed,

I awoke a big grizzly bear, and up on her back feet, she bound,

She gave me a scare,

That grizz, mama bear,

But, the cute baby bear ate me, while mama bear held me down.

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PETS IN THE POOL

My piranha pets that I keep in my pool, needed desperately to eat,

I invited over my neighbor to swim; he was loaded with fatty meat,

The big neighbor jumped into the pool,

With the voracious piranha school,

My pets striped the man's bones of fatty meat, from his bald head to his little feet.

THE POGO STICK NATION

The pogo stick competition has grown in reputation,

For the pogo stick sport is a hopping sensation,

Pogo stick competition is everywhere you go,

Some compete for duration, others win, place or, show,

The popularity of pogo has triple-digit inflation.

It's clear we have become a pogo stick nation.

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TIN SHACK LIVING, AND FISHING

I built a little, tin shack to live in, down by the river,

The dirt floor grows moss and mold, and the cold tin makes me shiver,

When the river freezes to ice,

I ice fish, using squeaky mice,

I shoot pike fish with my bow, using arrows from my quiver.

THE TOBOGGANIER SAVED MY LIFE

I climbed a massive mountain up to where the air is way, too thin,

I made it to the top, which I considered a heroic win,

Then my breathing almost stoped,

On the rock and ice I plopped,

Someone brought a toboggan, and down the mountain we took a spin.

FACE VS THE MAPLE TREE

I ran my new bicycle into a big maple tree,

I lost all my front teeth, and some stored brain cell history,

In the hospital bed, I bled,

From the gaping holes in my head,

I hope that I heal fast, so back to biking I will be.

IT WAS 6-7 DAYS

It took me a total of 6-7 days,

To find a local job, that in real money, pays,

Down at the local sand beach,

I'm now called, "volleyball teach",

I get paid in fast cash, plus I soak up sun rays.

DATES: A NATURAL PERFORMANCE ENHANCING FOOD, FOR POGO STICKING

 Big Hank, he be nimble on the competitive pogo stick,

Hank's massive body will pogo down hard, then bounces up quick,

Hank fuels up with dried, dates,

Sticky dates on porcelain plates,

Hank will pogo all day long, while his sticky fingers, he'll lick.

THIS IS THE LAST YEAR, I'M GOING SURFING IN THE FALL

Today, I went Fall surfing, and ooh, the water, it was so cold,

I progressed along my age timeline, 100 years; I feel old,

Now I have a big, healthy cough,

It's pneumonia; I feel off,

I've just been measured for a casket, and I'm told my house is sold.

THE BASS, BASS, BASS, SHOE CONTEST

They disputed my final fish weigh-in, and I lost the 1st place, and cash prise,

The prise was $10,000 dollars, that brought a million tears to my crying eyes,

The weight was a little bit askew,

I added the weight of an old shoe,

This contest was rigged; I won't donate my fish to any charity fish fries.

THE SAILBOAT GOAT

My friend, had a big, pretty yellow, sailboat,

It was pretty new, because it still could float,

We sailed one day,

Up to Saginaw Bay,

That's where my friend bought a boat mascot, a goat.

BOATS, BEES AND SLEEP

I was on some wicked water skies,

When attacked by vicious honey bees,

The bees attacked my pale, naked knees,

The poison made my leg muscles freeze,

I got to the beach, and caught some Z's.

DOWN WITH PICKLEBALL

I use to play pickleball,

Then I had a trip and a fall,

After the hospital cost,

My nest egg was lost,

That's when I gave my lawyer a call.

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DANNY THE BIG SHOT, GOT BEACHED OUT

Danny was a grocer; ten times a millionaire,

He thought himself a big shot; he figured he was there,

So he bought a big boat,

To join the yacht float,

But he was rejected, he was not a billionaire.

SAMMY WORKED ON TEETH, RIP

Sammy use to work on teeth,

Until he married his best friend, Keith,

They honeymoon-snorkeled a coral reef,

While snacking on a can of beef,

Till a great white shark hauled them beneath.

PARDON MY FISH

On my fish stringer there were fish that were without hope,
They splash around on the stringer, I guess that's how they cope,
It's like they're asking for a pardon,
But, my heart has to harden,
And, to free my dinner, I just have to say, nope.

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