AS THE CARS GO BY

I got peppered sprayed, directly in my pretty eye,

I was taken to the jail, and no one told me why,

Not so much to eat,

Mouse turds are a treat,

By day I clear brush near highways, as the cars go by.

THE PERPETRATOR HAD WINGS

I have a sneaky canary named Chirp,

He steals things, so he is a perp,

He stole my popcorn,

For his cage, to adorn,

I locked his cage; he hated it, the twerp

THE HORN TOOTER AND DING-DONG BELL

My little scooter had a horn tooter, and a ding-dong bell,

I'd ride my scooter behind someone, and my noise made them yell,

My parents got complaints,

No kids are ever saints,

Daddy took a  hammer, and for the scooter, it didn't end well.

2424

FREE CANDY CANES ARE NOT ALWAYS FREE

I love to get free candy canes everywhere I go,

But, now most stores don't give them out, 

So, my stash stays pretty low,

Of course, I can go to grandmas and pick them off her tree 

But, if she catches me she spanks me on her gnarled knee,

Now, I am nearly forty and grandma's ninety-three,

I just hope she don't hurt her hip, when lambasting little me.

PP122318

   

I SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT

I went to see the King of Pudding, and the King first had me jailed,

Because I did not like his puddings, the King next had me impaled, 

I appealed to his big boss,

She was the Queen of Mustard Sauce,

But before the Queen could act, all my internal organs failed.

REINCARNATION, PUTS THE UNIVERSE RIGHT

I have a pet protozoa named Drudge,

He once was a powerful judge,

But Drudge was so corrupt,

His term ended, abrupt,

Now he's a microbe living in small smudge.

I FROZE MY WAY TO HADES

I stepped outside onto ice and down steep steps I slid,

Smacked my head on the car, and went off the grid,

I died when I slowly froze,

Was greeted by my dead nanna, Rose,

I knew I was in Hades, because I spied grandpa Sid.