MY FAMILY GOT RICH, AND I BECAME BEAR SCAT

I bought lots of life insurance, in case I got eaten by a bear,

I then got ate by a bear, but the wife and kids did not really care,

Insurance paid a million dollars in money,

Their dark days of mourning me, turned  very sunny,

The wife bought a much younger man; the kids each bought a crib in Bellaire.

THE THREE BEARS GOT HORNED

Three fierce Michigan, grizzly bears, went hunting the great unicorn,

They said the meat tastes best, if the unicorn has a big horn,

When they caught up to the huge, horned beast,

The big bears pictured having a feast,

The unicorn horn punctured each bear, making the bears unborn.

LION RIZZ AND THE MONKEY IN A PEAR TREE

There was a big, bumpy lion hunting monkeys in my pear tree,

He had a big bump on his face after he was stung by a bee,

I asked him if it really hurt, and made him sad,

He said no, the bump gave him rizz he never had,

I invited him to dinner; I served him monkey, fried in ghee.

LEIGH AND LEO GET BEED

Leigh and Leo were sitting high up in an oak tree,

Watching squirrels steal honey from the cute, honey bee, 

The bees started to gang sting,

The squirrels were retreating,

The bees turned to Leigh and Leo; they both fell to flee.

THE VEGETARIAN GRIZZ

My grizzly bear is a vegetarian; he won't eat anything, except oatmeal,

He does eat it with soy milk and raisins, and a ripe banana, including the peel,

My grizzly bear is 110,

He's real healthy, and he don't eat men,

At the local fairground, he has a job this summer, operating the ferris wheel.

LEIGH AND LEO HUNTED SQUIRREL

Leigh and Leo went squirrel hunting, but all the squirrels got away,

Leigh and Leo then picked forest mushrooms, so they did not waste their day,

They went home and made some hot stew,

Used the "Butcher's Special", kangaroo,

The stew was tasty, and the day was fun; next day they went bear hunting, with a bigger gun. 

AMADEOUS THE SKUNK

Amadeus the skunk left his scent in the air,
Everyone disliked it, but he seemed not to care,
One day while all alone,
Amadeus began to moan,
Pining for friends that just were not there.

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THE GRIZZLY BEAR TRACKER

I went hunting and in the snow, I saw tracks so big, it was insane,

I was terribly shocked, and popped a massive vein in my hunter brain,

I knew right then and right there,

I'd be hunting grizzly bear,

I stood there many minutes longer, then got hit by a choo choo train.

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THE DOG WHO DUG TOO MUCH

I'm a doggy and I dig deep in the dirt; I dig in snow,

I'll dig into anything, even where a doggy shouldn't go,

One day, I felt extremely brave,

I dug into a black bear cave,

Doggy meat makes black bear fur shine, and it also makes it grow.

TIM LOST HIS FAVORITE FOOT TO A BEAST

Tim loved his pretty, left foot very much,

The foot was air pillow soft to the touch,

Along came an alligator,

He bit her off, and he ate her,

That rude cur, made Tim's appendage his

lunch.

I AM BADGER EDIBLE

I'm glad that badger did not rip off both of my hands, that way I can still feed my chickens,

Too bad that old badger tore up both of my legs; the right leg, it still hurts like the dickens,

The wolverine is much meaner,

But, he cuts through your bones cleaner,

I stay plump by frying my birds in bacon grease, or that badger would of had slim pickin's

BARNEY BIG HORN

Barney the big horned buffalo, put on some purple underwear, 

He did not like being naked, because all the girls would stare,

One girl buffalo said, "hey hun,

Without your underwear, you'd have fun",

So, off went his underwear, then he was ate by a grizzly bear.  

THE END

IGUANAS FALL DEAD

A large frozen iguana fell from the sky, down to my head,

It split my thin skull wide open, and my white shirt got all red,

In Florida, we got a freeze,

That killed iguanas in the trees,

I am the first casualty, of the iguana, falling dead.

MARSUPIAL STEW

I went and scraped marsupials off the road today,

I had to really scrape them, cause they had dried up in the clay,

Consider yourself a winner,

Cause we're having them for dinner,

I know it does not smell so good, but it keeps the bears away.

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THE THREE LITTLE CUB BEARS

During the winter storm, three little bears got lost in the woods,

When they broke into my cabin, and ate all my pantry goods,

When I went to my cabin, next day,

The three little cub bears were at play,

Mamma bear moved in, so I left the bears in charge of my hoods.

NEVER COMFORT A HURT GATOR

I stopped my pickup to see about giving a gator, aid,

He was gimping down the highway, near the old pinball arcade,

I asked him, "you're dragging your foot,

Did y'all catch it on a root?

The gator gobbled me down; that's how my kindness was repaid.

I RIDE BEAR

I went into the woods, and saddled a wild bear,

I rode him into town, and tied him up in the square,

At the store, while I was inside,

A guy tried stealing my ride,

The bear ate the guys body, methinks that was just, fair.

BAD ALPHA MONKEY

I have a pet alpha monkey, and he ate all my bread,

He ate all my food proteins too, so soon I will be dead,

Alpha monkey can almost fly, 

Chasing tree squirrels, in the sky,

I hope alpha boa swallows old, alpha monkey's head.

12 SKUNKIES

 Twelve skunks moved to Midland Michigan, from a town called Montreal,

They all moved to Michigan, because hula hooping was their call,

In Michigan, we hula hoop,

Some folks skipping, both food and poop,

These twelve skunks, will fit in, so we'll let them hula hoop, through our mall.

THE SQUIRREL HAD TO MAKE HIS NUT

The squirrel had to make his nut, and his nut was at the top of the big tree,

The squirrel had to pay all his bills, because the life of a squirrel, ain't free,

A quick climb up the big pine,

The squirrel would be debt fine,

The squirrel slipped, and fell from the tree top, now a big hospital nut, has he.