ICONIC WHISKERS

I had summer sausage for my dinny, din, din,

Much greased dripped down onto my fat chinny, chin chin,

Mixing with pieces of cheese,

It drew mice, rats and sand fleas,

I cleansed myself in a poisoned binny, bin, bin.

CAVITY EMPTOR

Mickey's nice teeth had all cavitised,

The dentist pulled them all, no surprise,

Now Mickey chews with his gums,

Has gas in his tummy tums,

And all dentist, he doth despise. 

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SOMEONE STINKS

At work Steve always wore a mask,

Even to do a simple task,

His workmate, Punk,

Smelled worse than skunk,

In wretched aromas, Punk did bask.

BROTHER BOB ON TURKEY DAY

Bobby used his right index finger to clean between his toes,

Then when he was done, he'd polish the nostrils of his nose,

Bobby did this when we ate,

Of course, Bobby never brought a date,

He did save some memories, by wiping his finger on his clothes.

TONY GROWS WHISKERS

Tony started growing whiskers at the age of forty-four,

Tony didn't know what to do, he hadn't had whiskers before,

Pulling whiskers gave Tony pain,

It was driving him quite insane,

Luckily, his ma came home with a razor from the store.

THE ALPHA MALE AND HIS TINY THINGS

I do not like bacteria, I do not like them one and all,

They make my belly really sick, and make my little sister ball,

Daddy brings them home from work,

He won't wash his hands, the drunken jerk,

He claims he's an alpha male, and bacteria is their card of call.

UNCLE DALE'S TOE NAILS AND BURGERS

I made me a burger but it was a food fail,

When I bit into the meat I found a toenail, 

Couldn't tell from which creature,

Came the unsightly bod feature,

But nearby were nail clippers, belonging to Dale.

NO EVIDENCE FOR GUINNESS RECORD BOOGER

Johnny picked a giant booger, and that booger was record big,

It was such a giant booger, Johnny really had to dig,

Johnny felt some awful pains,

The booger had grown into his brains,

When the booger finally popped out, it was ate by two Great Danes. 

ROTTEN TEETH AND DOTS: A LIFE ADVENTURE, BY BOB

Bob didn't brush his teeth, and they all got really rotty,

Then a dentist Bob saw, and the dentist got snotty,

Bob then went out to the woods,

Picked what berries he coulds,

He ate all the berries, and his skin got all dotty. 

MY TOOTHBRUSH DROWNED IN A TOXIC POND

My toothbrush fell into the toilet, before it had been flushed,

It was like family, that toothbrush, so now I'm completely crushed,

My 5 siblings hit the toilet first,

None flush, afraid pipes will burst,

Now I must decide my friend's sad fate, I will not be rushed.

They Told Me I Was A Turd, When I Went To Hear The Shakespeare Word,

I went to see some Shakespeare, but they would not let me in, 

They said I was so vile, I belonged in a chamber pot lined with tin,

So, to gain some Shakespeare power,

I went home and took a shower,

When I returned to Shakespeare, the play was cancelled for it's sin.