CUTIE PIE

There once was a cutie pie,

The dear love that made me cry,

I said "oh, good grief",

Cutie was a thief,

I bid my wallet, bye, bye.

THE U-SAP DATE

She gave me a three foot tall of maybes, when I asked her for a date,

Then gave me a two month bout with scabies, she's a zero, I did rate,

My online dating app,

It is called U-SAP,

It has high fees, and feeds off my desire, to find a perfect mate.

THE LOVE LIMERICK

I fell in love with a new sweetie,

We met while online going tweety,

We tweeted like birds,

With love-dovey words,

Perhaps real soon we will meety.

LOVE AND NO TOILET

Because there was a pretty girl he wanted to woo,

Donny moved abruptly to a town called Kalamazoo,

He forgot his goldfish,

His tan cat he called Trish,

And the new apartment he rented had no place to poo. 

MY GENTLE TENDER FOOT AND I

My gentle Tender Foot and I,

Loved to go up, up, up, and fly,

We flew a round balloon,

That rose like a full moon,

One day we crashed hard, but didn't die.

I DO VALENTINE'S DAY ALONE (Again)😞

I bought many Valentine's gifts, yet have no Valentine,

Mostly I bought candy, I love candy, so I'll be fine,

I booked a restaurant date,

But I have no loving mate,

I shall watch loving couples, and for such love I will pine.

2524

VERN THE INTERN AND LOVE

There once was a TV intern named Vern Benderback,

He always ate his cheese balls from a brown paper sack,

Vern was married twice,

Both times got head lice

It seems real relationships, Vern could never hack.

WAGNER AIN'T NO BRAHMS

I went to the Symphony to hear me some Brahms,

When I get really stressed out, the Brahms music calms,

But, as the Valkyries roared,

My blood pressure soared,

Both armrests got all wet, from my tight gripping palms.

JEFFREY AND HIS CORNET

Jeff got out his Vaseline, to grease his cornet slide,

Jeff used the slide to stay in tune, so he could blow with pride,

Jeff was so proud to be 1st chair,

He fingered every note with care,

Jeff never have a girlfriend, for his cornet was his bride.

DUMPED BY PHIL, GREW WEED OF DILL

I got depressed when I got left by my Phil,

So I got me some dill seeds and grew me some dill,

My licenced dill farm,

Done no one no harm,

 Till I powdered the dill weed and made a thrill pill.

THE FAILED FORTE

Larry played a sonata on his big pianoforte,

Some thought it real funny, when Larry picked at his nose warty,

The loud laughter, it prevailed,

Larry's performance, well it failed,

Larry couldn't keep playing, so his performance he aborty.

THE ECLIPSE OF THE BLOODY RED MOON

I and my love were engaged, doing spoon,

When we were frightened by that bloody, red moon,

We both wet our britches,

Before we leaped into ditches,

Then the moon disappeared, none too soon.

WHEN DADDY AND MOMMY ARE KISSY KISSING

They were spooning, making out, first basing,

Out in public and, it was disgracing,

It was my mum and dad,

And, they were making me mad,

Their lovy-dove, for my street cred, was defacing. 

THE DANCE FOR ROMANCE LIMERICK

To find someone to share romance,
Bently liked to do a dance,
He did a polka-twist,
With bent Egyptian wrists,
And, finished off with a rooster prance.