ANOTHER HEATWAVE, HOLIDAY DISASTER

It was so hot out, Jim's coffee couldn't keep ice,

It was so hot out, it killed all Jim's head lice,

His girl, Sweet Polly Sue,

A plastic doll, we all knew,

Had melted, until she didn't look very nice.

THE LITTLE BEE NAMED BARRY LIMERICK

There was a little bee named Barry,
He couldn’t get a girlfriend ‘cause his legs were hairy,
So he tried to groom,
Shaved his legs zoom, zoom,
But, now his legs look ten times as scary.

HUSBANDS AND BOYFRIENDS, AND THE BIG ALPHA MALE

Ron was proud to be a big alpha male,

At nightclubs, he would really set sail,

Ron hit on ladies all night,

Got into fight after fight,

And spent the next 90 days in a jail.

THE PROMISES, PROMISES LIMERICK

"Promises, promises" my fiance would say,
She said that to  me almost every day,
Then, she became most annoyed,
When I chose to avoid,
Making promises I wouldn't keep anyway.

THE IN-GROWN TOE NAIL

Vic had a toe nail that grew into his toe,
He suffered with pain and all kinds of woe,
He took out a hammer,
Gave a toe a good bammer,
The pain was worse, but how could Vic know?

Vic had an in-grown toe nail,
It hurt and Vic gave a big wail,
His pain was so great,
He cancelled his date,
His girlfriend left; what a sad tale.

BORIS WROTE A LIMERICK

Boris wrote a limerick for his ex-girlfriend Patty,
He said her teeth were knurly and hair was mattie,
Patty’s revenge was not slight,
With a scratch and a bite,
Then, Boris described Patty as catty.

I LOST MY GIRLFRIEND TO A ROBOT HAIKU

My robot, cleaned floor,
Girlfriend, robot cleaned her,
Robot, girlfriend gone.

A LITTLE LIE TO MY GIRLFRIEND ABOUT MY HOME

I'm afraid I told my girlfriend a little fib,
When I bragged about my fabulous crib,
She was taken aback,
With my tar papered shack,
And, jabbed her elbow right into my rib.   

GIRLFRIEND WITH JOB DRINKS BEER

Girlfriend drinks beer,
“Expensive habit”, I said,
Big mouth, she has job.

MY GIRLFRIEND IS CRAZY

My girlfriend is crazy,
She says that I am lazy,
I try to work,
But, I'm a jerk,
I just want a big raizy.