THE VEGETARIAN GRIZZ

My grizzly bear is a vegetarian; he won't eat anything, except oatmeal,

He does eat it with soy milk and raisins, and a ripe banana, including the peel,

My grizzly bear is 110,

He's real healthy, and he don't eat men,

At the local fairground, he has a job this summer, operating the ferris wheel.

THE LOOKSMAXXER

I tried hard to be a blogger looksmaxxer; it did not do me any good,

The first thing I did to improve my looks, was smack my face on petrified wood,

Tried sandpaper on my cheeks,

Got all kinds of bloody leaks,

I used a blowtorch to remove pimples, was committed, and misunderstood.

BALLOONING WITH LEIGH AND LEO

I and Leo went up flying in a hot air balloon,

I felt we looked special, because our balloon was maroon,

Our balloon burst out into fires,

When we crossed some electric wires,

No people found our bodies, but we fed a fat raccoon.

ZIPPY WINE: POWERED BY ANTIMATTER: ARRIVING AT A STORE NEAR YOU

I am making antimatter in my basement to power my rocket ship,

The energy will power me to fly across the universe zip, zip, zip,

Zippy will be my astronaut name,

Across all worlds I will have fame,

Everywhere, I'll sell my blackberry wine; it's brain quenching for a long trip.

RURAL TOWN MICHIGAN FEEDS ON TOURIST, DOLLARS

I live in the state of Michigan, in a little town called, Wrong Turn,

No human person should ever come here, but people will never learn,

They think the town name is a laugh,

Until, the chainsaw cuts them in half,

Then, the family queries begin of a missing person, concern.

 

PENNY MACBETH

Penny Macbeth wanted to be admired by onlookers, as a queen,

She had wanted attention since she was an online, unfriended sixteen,

She had no castle, no tower

No claim to an elite's power,

At age 42, out of the blue, she bought a bouncy, new trampoline.

DUMPSTER DIVING FOR FOOD? I EAT IN THE BAR

I walked into a bar serving free, salty popcorn, but nothing else to eat,

The free popcorn was served to all embalmed patrons, so they could drive down the street,

I didn't buy a single drink,

But, I acted drunk as stink,

Nice dinner; the salty popcorn tasted much better than any dumpster meat.

WHEN IT COMES TO SEPTIC TANKS, I'M THE LAW

I signed up to run for politics, but the voters did not like me much,

They said my ideas were crazy, and with working folk, I was out of touch,

I still won the big election,

To do septic tank inspection,

I was the only candidate for Septic Inspector, a lawman, as such.

BIG BUCK, SON OF THE DEER HUNTER

In my previous life, I was a big, buck deer,

I would run through the big, spruce forest, full of fear,

A hunter shot me,

And, food I did be,

Now, I'm the Hunter's son, and deer season is near.

HALLOWEEN EGGS

 My teacher, the incredible, Mr. Bells,

Teaches hypnosis, conjuring and spells,

He turned me into a pheasant,

That was not very pleasant,

I laid chocolate eggs, filled with red jells.

RED LIKES A COLD BED

There was a red planet, way, way up in the sky,

By the blue planet, sometimes it made a flyby,

It didn't stay there too long,

Because blue had it wrong,

Further out from the sun was the best place to lie.

IMPORTED BEER AND HOMEGROWN DAISIES

I grow monster daisies in the valley,

I feed them to a giant named, Sally,

Sally, also wants beer,

I cannot make beer here,

I import it through my friend, Dilly Dally.

MY BROTHER IS A COMPETITOR, PREDATOR, FOR FOOD.

I would be happy, eating many more good meals,

But, my older brother, he sees food, then he steals,

I store food in plastic bags,

Then slap on ownership tags,

My big brother, does not care, he does what he feels.

Predator.