FINGER STUBS AND MY RECKONING WITH CHOPIN

Chopin cut off all my fingers because of the noise I made,

He said no amount of his lessons would give my talent aid,

Now, with just my 10 finger stubs,

I work at the gym giving rubs,

I fixed Chopin; the last lesson he gave me, I never paid.

CONCERT AND DINNER DATE MUSIC

Ferris played masterfully, an ancient instrument, called the harpsichord,

The elegant music was comforting, enchanting; a good soul's reward,

The enchantment was fleeting,

When Ferris finished, we went eating,

The music tape played at the restaurant, made my ears and taste buds, dead board.

MY UNFORGIVEN SQUEAKS

I played my gorgeous oboe with the choir, at the church,

I made magnificent music from my balcony perch,

But, just a squeak and a squawk,

Started church members to talk,

They found my talentless replacement with a Google search.

THE CLARINET CONCERTO FOR BUNKER BUMS

I made plans, and built a massive bunker, so I could sleep soundly at night,

I will be quite safe from falling acorns, and such things that give me a fright,

The bunker is 70 feet down deep,

A tomb, where my stored groceries, I keep,

I also have my clarinet, to play for fellow bunker bums, delight.

WITH TONE AND CONE, I WON FIRST BONE

I auditioned for the local orchestra, to play 1st chair trombone,

I played a song called "Om Papa", with my bone muted by a mute cone,

It took a little while, 

For my " Om Papa" style,

To captivate the judges, with my interpretation, style and tone.

TAP DANCE PEG

Beautiful Banjo Bob had a knobby, hardwood, beech, peg leg,   

It did not line up with his foot, so his walking was irreg,

When he was on the tap dance floor,

His fans would cheer and yell, "encore", 

Banjo Bob always did encores, when his audience would beg

MY FLUGELHORN PAID FOR RENT AND FOOD

All I want for Christmas is a brand new flugelhorn,

A truck ran over my old one, and made my horn unborn,

I play my horn at the corner and get tossed one cent,

When I get enough pennies, I go and pay my rent,

If I have money left over, I can sup on canned cream corn.

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UNHINGED TRUMPETER

Tory the 1st chair trumpeter, became quite unhinged,

Because on Johann S. Bach, all night she super binged,

Her lips were sore,

Her tongue was tore,

She started Toccata and Fugue, and her fingers cringed.

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MY TRUMPETER'S LULLABY SAID, "NIGHT, NIGHT", LONG AGO

I stored away my trumpet, for the last thirteen odd years,

I got it out to play, but it just made noise to my ears,

My lips are all soft blubber,

And my tongue, solid rubber,

I did sound much better after I drank one million beers.

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THE CHOIRMASTER

I directed the local, township choir,

For each tunes perfection, I did aspire,

If the notes sounded extremely bad,

I sent email, with emoji, sad,

And did a check of each piano wire.

I AM THE BOWLER, WEB TROLLER, AND SCROLLER OF DOOM

I spend all my day, economic doomscrolling,

I spend most all evenings, amateur bowling,

I play my new flute, it's a Pan,

Spoon garbanzo beans from a can,

When feeling real mean, I go online, web trolling.

I CAME IN LAST IN THE TRUMPET BLOW

I played in the trumpet competition, and came in number nine,

My teacher said I sounded o.k., my mama said I did fine,

Being judged number nine out of eight,

Is a very hard to figure fate,

I think that the judges blended tequila, with their apple wine.

I ENTERTAIN WITH MY LIPS

I was up on the main stage, showing off my whistling ways,

I whistle real good, and at major concert venues, it pays,

I whistled, "Sweet Mary From Pike",

That's a tune, they usually like,

This audience was grumpy, because of technical delays.

BENNY AND THE LITTLE FUGUE

Benjamin played the Little Fugue by J. S. Back,

He uploaded it to the app they call Tic Tok,

They say, Benny played pretty good,

On his recorder, made of wood,

Benny performed in a row boat, tied to a dock.

RANDY THE TUBALEER

Terry is a tubaleer, his tuba sound is Jim dandy,

When Terry plays his tuba, many sing and dance, like Randy,

Randy stomps his two fat feet,

Rocking to the tuba beat,

Terry the great tubaleer, makes music that is ear candy.

BAD CREDIT AND NO HORN

Fred decided to buy a  new shinny horn, cornet,

Fred went to Hornhub, they are found on the internet,

Fred picked out one that shined,

His credit was declined

Now Fred has not a mouthpiece, and  lips dripping wet.

THE HIGH NOTES OF AMADEUS

I cannot sing one single, real high note,

That Amadeus Mozart ever wrote,

My voice is just too horse,

High notes hurt, of course,

So, I play cello, on those notes I float.

THE HARPSICHORD BLUES

When I play music on the harpsichord,

Everyone's closed eyes, look terribly bored,

My notes don't fly,

I try and try,

At competition, I win no award.

DADDY PLAYS BANJO WITH THE ANGELS

Daddy never said goodbye that day,

When daddy took his banjo away,

He left no kiss for ma,

Or beer for grandpa,

If I had known, I'd have begged him to stay.

HARRY UNPACKED HIS OBOE

Santa brought Harry an oboe, and he unpacked it Christmas Day,

Once the oboe was assembled, Harry began to play and play,

Harry was a happy winner,

Mama cooked him Christmas dinner,

After Christmas dinner, Harry napped in bed, where he would stay.