THE U-SAP DATE

She gave me a three foot tall of maybes, when I asked her for a date,

Then gave me a two month bout with scabies, she's a zero, I did rate,

My online dating app,

It is called U-SAP,

It has high fees, and feeds off my desire, to find a perfect mate.

THE CHEESE PUFFS AND THE MERMAID

Because I ordered them through the mail,

My cheese puffs arrived late and were stale,

I used them for fish bait,

And, caught me a soul mate,

A mermaid with a big fishy tail.

ANOTHER HEATWAVE, HOLIDAY DISASTER

It was so hot out, Jim's coffee couldn't keep ice,

It was so hot out, it killed all Jim's head lice,

His girl, Sweet Polly Sue,

A plastic doll, we all knew,

Had melted, until she didn't look very nice.

DESPERATE DONNY DIDN'T DATE

Donny would sit in his cell,

He would scream, he would cry, he would yell,

He got stood up on a date,

With a prison block mate,

And ding dong, his mind was a bell.

WHAT FRANKIE DID WITH SNOT

Frankie thought he was a charm,

Then he snots upon his arm,

The girls all say,

"Frankie keep away,

Your snot might do us harm."

SHERMAN WAS A GOODY TWO SHOES, NOW HE IS A POP

Sherman was,a goody two shoes, every single day,

He never lied, never bad things he tried, he was goody all the way,

Then he went to band camp,

Where bad thoughts went up amp,

Now he has 30 children, and another pops today.

TIREMARY, MARY AND HER DAIRY

Mary, Mary liked her dairy,
She liked eggs,ice cream and cheese,
She could eat ice cream by the gallon,
And yet, Mary would never freeze,

Mary, Mary would never tarry,
To fill an omelette with melted cheese,
For to serve an omelette without it,
To Marry was a really cheap tease,

Mary, Mary dated a guy named Barry,
Who was allergic to all dairy foods,
But, every single meal was really scary,
So, Mary dumped Barry for healthier dudes.