GOODBYE TO PORCH PIRATES; I GOT MINE

I went to the pirate's perch to see if I could get back my stuff,

It's an apartment over a bar, where porch pirates drink and puff,

Many lads were there,

But I did not care,

I took my goods while all stepped aside;  I work out and I am buff.

PORCH PIRATES ALWAYS WIN

Porch pirates were active during the night,

I now have no morning breakfast to bite,

I am one hungry dude,

They stole all of my food,

Alas, there's too many of them to fight.

PORCH PIRATE MILLIONAIRES

Porch pirates have snuck up to my porch, backdoor,

They stole packages, my puppy, and porch floor,

If they think they can deal,

There's nothing they won't steal,

Porch pirates get rich, and I am getting poor.

NEIGHBORS WENT FERRELL AND ATE MY SHEEP

I had lots of sheep, a massive white flock,

I watched them like a hawk, around the clock,

Neighbors needed to eat,

Neighbors saw all my meat,

They took my sheep and clocked me with a rock.

REINCARNATION, PUTS THE UNIVERSE RIGHT

I have a pet protozoa named Drudge,

He once was a powerful judge,

But Drudge was so corrupt,

His term ended, abrupt,

Now he's a microbe living in small smudge.

DUES TO SCREWS

I went to jail and it was full of mean, nasty screws,

They kept writing me up for making toilet bowel booze,

So I could not stay real nice,

I raised the toilet wine price,

To bribe the mean, nasty screws with screw dues.

MY SPECIAL FATHER'S DAY GIFT

I got thumb screws for Father's Day, and I don't have any kids,

I got the screws from my business pal; our biz is on the skids,

To stay afloat we did a crime,

Might go to jail, and do some time,

We spend our days waiting for the cops, at downtown bar, called "Sids".

PORCH PIRATE HIDE AND SEEK

I spied a pirate on my porch, and he was a sneak,

Before he grabbed my package, he took a gallon leak,

It was the pirate's fate,

The package had great weight,

The pirate could not run fast, and will play justice hide and seek.

ODE TO THE MONSTERS OF BLING

Watch out for monsters, they'll steal all your bling,

They ripped out my piercing and gnawed off my ring,

And my bracelet of gold,

Was ripped off and then sold,

And my pocket gold tick tock was my last golden thing.