CRITTER STEW FOR TWO

I found some dry hickory, so I lit it to make a winter stew,

I threw in the stew a snow bunny, a dead frog and something that flew,

The stew bubbled, and the fire hissed,

Soon, the critter stew, my fat lips kissed,

After dinner I took a nap, while my dog Dexter dropped his poo.

KITCHENING WITH JENNY

Jenny had many pans and Jenny had some pots,

Jenny had a toaster, and toasted lots and lots,

Jenny had a new, hot air fryer,

Fancy cookware? she was a buyer,

When Jenny has food leftover, it sits and rots.

MAKING STEW ON A BUDGET

I just got home, and I put on water for stew,

I put on some coffee, and I'm making that new,

I do not have any meat,

Or vegetables to eat,

My stew will have road salt, and some black pepper too

.

THE SIMPLE CHEF

I have made a peanut butter post,

Taught people how to spread it on toast,

Next post, it's my fruit jelly,

It's both chewy and smelly,

PBJ on toast, bests a beef roast.

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YUM! YUM! YUM! STICKY, GREASY PORK RINDS

My pork rinds were not so greasy or sweet,

So, I fried them with grease and brown sugar for my treat,

Now, I have to confess,

They were a sticky, greasy mess,

But boy they were so good to eat.

BAD MEAT SUBSTITUTE DUMPED INTO A STEW

My plant based protein tasted like glue,

I shouldn't have bought it, but who knew?

I fried it in a pan,

It turned brown from tan,

I mixed it with veggies, now I call it a stew.

FRUITCAKE, BERRIES AND CREAM

I made a fruitcake, adding berries and cream,

It tasted real good, like a taste from a dream,

I should have added jelly,

For the sweet tooth in my belly,

When I finished the fruitcake, I made  noodles with steam.

TRAILER PARK GUMBO

We had some chicken sausage gumbo soup, and it was very good,

It is the very favorite soup, in my mobile neighborhood,

We add chilies to make it hot,

Makes your nose run out of snot,

We cook it over an open fire, made of hickory wood.

RAW PORK AND ANGELS

I was so very hungry, the noodles tasted real yummy,

They were not at all done, so they were sitting in my tummy,

Then my pig was so raw,

To eat it I done gnaw, gnaw, gnaw,

Now I'm in the hospital, prognosis: they called my mummy.

MY BUCKET LACKS A HOLE

My chives have done poorly, because their bucket has no hole,

They just sit rotting in water, I'm afraid they have lost their soul,

Should've made sure the bucket had a drain,

Would've saved my chives from death and pain,

Now having chives for dinner is an unachievable goal.

WHAT'S IN THE STEW TOO

Me thinks my stew meat was foreign born,
From overhead flypaper the wind doth torn,
But, the stew isn't for me,
So, I'll just leave it be,
And, say the stew meat is really burnt corn.

TOASTED TURKEY TO GO

I tried to use my toaster,

I should of used my roaster,

The turkey didn't fit,

So I had to quit,

As a chef I won't be a boaster. 

FULL DIAPERS COOKED IN A CAR, AND BREAKFAST

My pancakes smell like fungi feet,

So no one would give them an eat,

My eggs, no one would chance,

Because of a smell circumstance,

Like diapers, cooked on a carseat.

CHEF BOBBY MAKES THE BEST SALAD

Bobby was the greatest chef,

He was the greatest chef around,

He made his meals all from scratch,

Then fed them to his hound,

On Thanksgiving Bobby had some dinner guests,

 To show off some cooking feats,

For an appetizer he made a of kind of stew,

With pickled marinated beets,

 

Bobby cooked a turkey,

Until it's skin was golden brown,

Bobby basted the turkey with peanut oil,

It was the best turkey in the town,

Bobby made some turkey stuffing,

He added cheddar cheese,

He also added ground black pepper,

This made his guest all sneeze,

Bobby made some salad,

He added carob seed,

Hemixed in all the greens he found,

But mostly it was weed.

WE FRY GREENS

I went and picked a bunch of greens,

I fried them crisp with grease and beans,

My family's fat,

My dog and cat,

We eat well, and will never be leans.

MY HALLOWEEN PUMPKIN SPICE CAKE

The only way I'll make a cake,🍩

Is if it's fried; I never bake.💥

I'll include a pinch of pumpkin spice,🎃

It's Halloween, it will taste nice,👻💩

Then, I'll serve it with fried eggs and stake.🐔🐮

WRONG BAKED BREAD

I baked some bread, but baked it wrong,

You cannot break it unless, you are Kong,

I wanted the bread to harden fast,

So, I used cement from yard projects past,

The bread could be a perch for a bird with a song. 

SQUASH BLOSSOM DINNER

I fried me some squash blossoms in my old frying pan,

Then I fried me some baked beans, I cut out of a can,

Although it all smelled like carpet-feet,

It was a real tasty treat,

Then I rested by my big, old box fan.

BREAKFAST POST ROAST URINE

I went to do an internet post,

While in thought I burned my toast,

It was my last slice of bread,

That was not stale, moldy dead,

My coffee tastes like a urinal roast.

PORRIDGE, KIDNEY, SPLEEN

My cash reserves were pretty lean,

My bank account was empty, clean,

I took cornmeal and made some porridge, 

The cornmeal came from long term storage,

And it was so contaminated, I lost a kidney and a spleen.