MILLIONAIRE MAGIC STICKS

I am sitting on my assets, and letting their value grow and grow,

They consist of a large package of sticks that you shake to make them glow,

I will make money on my glowing sticks,

They be "witches magic", I'll tell the hicks,

Think I'll sell them on an exchange, to hicks with bigger bank account range.

MY INVESTMENT STRATEGY? APPARENTLY, IT IS TO LOSE

Zero of my AI stocks have done very good,

Should have invested in a cord of firewood,

At least I'd be warm,

During a spring storm,

Soon, I'll have to move to a low rent neighborhood.

INVESTING 2026

My stocks are in the deep, dark toilet, and covered with foul smelling, squishy turds,

Everyone else's stocks are flying high; someone explain this with common words,

I realise that it is sadly, very true,

My broker lies, until his nose glows blue,

I should pick my stocks using a psychic, they're more honest than commissioned nerds.

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

Panicked, I quickly called my scam, stockbroker on the phone,

I was mad, so confused, and felt entirely alone,

My tech investments were lost,

My life's labors, the cost,

All I got was the sound of silence, then a dial tone.

MY MARKET ANALYSIS OF MY MEME COIN COINS

The meme coins I bought are not doing so well,

I thought when I bought them, my small wealth would swell,

As my meme coins go under,

I just have to wonder,

If my meme coin coins, will be saved by the bell.

INVESTING WE WOE GO

My savings has become awfully low,

It seems to be a big negative grow,

In some crypto that rocks,

I bought iconic stocks,

They've been nothing, but a downward woe go.

WHEN THE MARKETS SINK DOWN, I AM SAD

I went online to check on my investments in the stocks,

Instead of investing, I should have just watched the Tic Toks, 

My whole portfolio sank down,

Going underwater, to drown,

I would have sold earlier today, if I watched the clocks.

THE CRYPTO BILLIONAIRE

I invested $15.00 in crypto this morning, by noon,  I was a millionaire,

Mama told me I was crazy, and of crypto money, I had better beware,

By next week my one million,

Will turn into a billion,

Then I'll move out of mama's basement into a mansion, I'm just not sure quite where.

DON'T INVEST WITH PERKY PAUL

Perky Paul had pretty, blue eyes,

All believed him, when he told lies,

Perky Paul, 

Had a margin call,

His investors went broke, because they weren't wise.

I FLOCKED MY GRANDFATHER CLOCK, AN INVESTMENT POEM

I was at the end of my dock,

When I knocked over my grandfather clock,

It feel on some ducks in a flock,

They climbed up onto a rock,

And sang a chorus of Bach,

It was me they were trying to mock,

So I went home and did a short sale of stock.

EATING RAW FUNGI AND CAPITAL GAINS

I ate raw fungi and it ate my brains,

I no longer functioned and felt aches and pains,

I bottled the stuff,

Claimed it made people look buff,

Sold my business to Wall Street for capital gains.